By: Yasmin Vejs Simsek, Staff Writer
Pascal Curious walked from the library towards the Recreation Centre with a sluggish walk. Pascal was an ordinary student: they went to class, work, watched for aliens (since you can never be too sure!) And now, they were in the LONGEST library study session. It literally felt like they aged ten years in a day! Just yesterday they felt like a spry toddler. Odd.
Honestly, Pascal was surprised they managed to actually get work done in the library. Pascal was studying with Mortimer, a study buddy they met only a few days ago. Strangely, it felt like they clicked when they met, but not anymore. All Mortimer wanted to do was say, “Sul Sul!” over and over again. Pascal could feel their embarrassment growing, especially as Mortimer peed his pants. The library was sacred and certainly no place for accidents!
So Pascal left Mortimer and his accident, striding along the campus. Proud of their achievements of the day, Pascal decided a late-night swim was well-deserved and they headed towards the pool. They felt so drawn to the pool. Nothing beat the feeling of being completely immersed in a crisp 20℃ pool after a long, stressful day.
Normally, there would always be a few swimmers, even this late at night and on such an Gleb-forsaken Monday. Not today, though. Maybe there was a strike of some sort. Maybe the student body had decided to close or open the SUB again? Or maybe it’s the research assistants looking for employment rights?
Huh, wonder where that thought came from. Pascal wasn’t even sure what the SUB was, other than a submarine. Pascal couldn’t keep up anymore, but they had the place all to themselves and a lovely swim was waiting ahead. Pascal decided to change right by the pool. They felt so comfortable in their birthday suit! A simple spin, and they had a sublime swimsuit.
Pascal was ready to get into the pool, but felt quite icky. Their general needs weren’t met, they were tired, hungry, and needed to pee. A quick pee break before the pool would be wise. But when Pascal went to the washroom, they found the toilet broken. Frustratingly, they had absolutely no clue how to fix it — Pascal was a lover, not a tinker — so they decided to hold it in and walked towards the pool. Finally, Pascal stood in front of the tiny ladder leading down to the water. The lights on the walls of the pool lit up the water from underneath. Head first, they gracefully dove in.
After a few lanes of swimming, Pascal could feel the tiredness take over. And as it did, so did the need for food, a toilet, and their warm bed. Ahh, to Gleb with it, four lanes is enough for today. Pascal swam towards the tiny ladder by the other end of the pool. The closer they got the more confused they got.
Where was the tiny ladder? Not in this corner. Not in the other one either.
Pascal swam along the edge of the entire pool and could not find the tiny ladder! They swore they could hear cackling. How would Pascal get out of the pool? Who took it away?
Pascal only did what any reasonable person would in that situation: flail their arms as if they were dancing! Pascal swam in circles, trying hopelessly to find the tiny ladder. Finally, they saw themself losing energy by the second as if flying above the pool. Every stroke was a battle at this point as they tried to stay above water, not being able to exit the pool without the suddenly disappeared tiny ladder. Shoo Flee!
Goodbye, cruel world, this is how we part.
“McFogg! Dinner is ready!”
Ctrl-Alt-S. Saved. McFogg would continue this game of Sims™ after mom’s lasagna — they were so proud they had gotten every detail of SFU correctly in their mod. Another successful session of anger management! McFogg thought about what to name their next character.