Drafting sports teams: fictional characters edition

This isn’t your typical fantasy sports team

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Illustration of fictional characters Loki from the Avengers fencing, Forrest Gump running, and Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter in a formula 1 track suit and helmet in hand.
These fictional characters are about to come to life. Maple Sukontasukkul / The Peak

By: Tamanna T., Staff Writer

Winter is right around the corner, which means it’s time for hot cocoa and Netflix marathons. We all have our favourite characters across pop culture, but have you ever wondered how well they would play sports? Well look no further, because I’ve got some answers for you.

Loki Laufeyson (Avengers) —  Fencing

Strength: magically gifted with sword-fighting 

Weakness: asks the opponent to “kneel” every 2 minutes

Fencing is a highly technical sport that involves swordsmanship and precision, two things Loki is great at. Although the sport is played in a controlled setting for safety, Loki will probably get carried away with the swordplay. He is determined to do what he wants and does not care for other people’s feelings. With his tendency to be fluid as a snake (quite literally) and the habit of stabbing his brother Thor, fencing would be the perfect sport for him. Smart, cunning, and vigilant he has all the makings of a great fencer. He might even already know how to fence as the sport traces back to ancient civilizations and Loki is a Norse god whose “glorious purposeis to rule over everyone else. 

Gollum (The Lord of the Rings) — Rugby

Strength: keeps a keen eye on the ball at all times

Weakness: becomes enchantingly obsessed with the ball and refuses to let it go

Gollum, or Sméagol, is a character from The Lord of the Rings who is famous for the line, “My precious!” in reference to the Ring he guards to protect his immortality. His determination and zest to keep the Ring to himself is a trait that most rugby players need to have with the ball. In Rugby, possession is key as players pass the ball back and forth to move down the field while being tackled and taken down. Gollum is bound to be the star of his rugby team with his unrelentless defense; nevertheless, he would have no interest in scoring and would simply walk off the field with the ball in hand. 

Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter) —  Formula 1

Strength: willing to win at any cost

Weakness: most likely to recklessly crash his car 

We all know Draco is obsessed with being the centre of attention. With a father like Lucius Malfoy, who can get him anything his heart desires, Draco seems like the character who would enjoy Formula 1 the most. Formula 1 (or F1) is a high-class auto-racing sport meant for those who like to live on the edge, or the world’s elite, who own their own racing teams like Mercedes. Perhaps the Malfoys can even buy a team, like Lans Stroll’s father Lawrence Stroll did for his son. Without caring about the consequences or the safety of the other racers, Draco is most likely to drive carelessly and without dedication. For some, this sport is their entire life, but for our favourite Malfoy, it’s just another way to pass time and spend daddy’s money. He would have the best-looking car, tuned up with all the latest technologies. And what would happen if his crew refused to comply with his endless and unsafe demands? Well, his father would certainly hear about this! Malfoy would make headlines as the star of Formula 1 racing, like Lewis Hamilton who had the most expensive debut in history. Best of all, he would enjoy every bit of the fame that comes along with the sport.

Forrest Gump (Forrest Gump) – Cross Country Running

Strength: can run for days without getting tired

Weakness: zoning out while running, ignoring those around him

Forrest Gump’s adventures know no bounds as he believes “life [is] like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” He joins the military, obsesses over chocolate (of course), becomes a ping pong master, grows out a fantastic beard . . . the list is endless. Being the all-round athlete that he is, I would love to see him try his hand at cross-country running.  Cross country training requires running long and difficult distances which seems like child’s play to this running extraordinaire who ran miles upon miles, for days on end, in the film. Cross country running also involves tackling mother nature and its various surfaces puddles, mud, grass, and even asphalt. What makes cross-country running stand out is the effort it takes to preserve nature and the run itself, which Gump demonstrates in the movie as he overcomes challenge after challenge put in his path.