By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor

SFU proudly announced in a recent mass email that, to accommodate during these unprecedented times, the university’s administration decided on the Fall 2020 exam schedule after enrollment. This was to ensure that no student had multiple exams within the same 24 hours.

What does this mean for the scum of this godforsaken concrete deathtrap? Not only will students have a whole day and an hour to feel that good old nauseating test anxiety, but SFU can give themselves a big, self-congratulatory pat on the metaphorical back for helping practically no one — and honestly, they’ve earned it. From carrying on that very back the burden of terrifying past students during exams with invasive proctoring software, to raising tuition to such an extent that the SFSS’s poor chat had to be overrun by underwhelming memes during their AGM in an attempt to condemn them, SFU representatives may just deserve this one.

While it is unclear why SFU didn’t write exam schedules this way prior to the pandemic, students can now take the extra hour graciously provided to figure it out. 

On the other hand, math majors can finally shut up about their two 8:30 a.m. finals. One may be at this time, you fraction-comprehending fucks, but your next one, at the worst, will be at 9 a.m. It doesn’t have the same ring to it when you complain.

While most students have major projects still due within a few days of each other during exam season, this drastic change to finals will give students a massive break between exams to finish them all. To finally realize that two or more multiple-hour exams within a day is too much for a student . . . talk about Canada’s number one comprehensive university

Now you can’t say that SFU does nothing for its students. With exam anxiety resolved in one fell swoop, the university’s administration no longer has to worry about replacing its dog therapy to help with students’ mental health.