By: Nicole Magas, Opinions Editor

Dear Typhoid Mary,

You know who you are. You’re the one who comes into class with a red nose and black-rimmed eyes, sits down, and immediately starts producing the deepest, wettest series of coughs that would make even a plague doctor cringe. To you, Typhoid Mary, I have only two words:

Stay. Home.

The world is not going to end if you miss one week of class. Think about it — half of your peers vanish at week four only to be seen briefly again on exam days, and they somehow manage to pass. If they can miss whole months and be fine, I’m sure your GPA can take a single week’s absence.

I’m going to let you in on a secret, Typhoid Mary: some of us actually can’t snap back as quickly from seasonal illnesses as you can. Some of us have compromised immune systems, and that cold of yours that could be solved with a day of bedrest and Netflix can mean serious and lengthy complications for us.

So with the deepest sympathy to your long-suffering work ethic, please stay home when you have the sniffles. Stay home if you have a fever. Consider grabbing a flu vaccine to avoid having to make these oh-so-tough decisions in the future. No one wants what you have, and you don’t want to be that kid in class everyone hates for spreading H1N1 v2.0.