The top five courses SFU really should offer

Illustrated by Reslus

Written by: Jennifer Low

It’s that hectic time of year again, when you struggle through the seemingly endless lists of courses at SFU trying to pick your poison. You bombard academic advisors with question after question as you slowly spiral into an existential crisis: there are about a hundred other courses you’d rather be taking than the ones in your course cart, and none of them you are taking will actually provide you with any relevant skills for the real world. So without further ado, here are the top five courses SFU should really offer.

SHOP 101: Introduction to Groceries
You thought you had the hang of it. You followed your mom around Costco enough to believe you had grocery shopping down. But the moment you’re out on your own, you suddenly start drowning in the various brands of milk and assorted kinds of potatoes you didn’t know existed. You glance to your right and there’s a guy spanking a watermelon — to your left, a woman combing through identical packages of spaghetti. A course helping you to navigate this terrifying minefield would really be more useful than calculus at this point.

NAPP 322: Advanced Napping
Ah, to finally have a course where falling asleep to the monotonous sounds of your prof lecturing would earn you an “A” rather than an embarrassing introduction to the rest of the class . . . Students have busy schedules and pulling all-nighters doesn’t really help us get the recommended eight hours of sleep. Having a course where sleep is encouraged would be an absolute dream. Besides, getting enough sleep is linked to longer lifespans, mental and physical health, and improved learning and creative capacities. So, it’s technically still educationally significant . . . right?  

SCTY 267: Socializing in the modern world
In the Victorian era, people used instruction manuals for advice on the proper rules of conduct in society. While it was complex before, it has become almost impossible to figure out now! Are handshakes still a thing? Is “sup?” still an appropriate greeting or have we transitioned to using memes to begin conversations? With all the new rules of social media, dating apps and the growing divide between the political right and left, it feels terrifying to speak to anyone lest you insult them, scare them or turn the entire situation into a cringe-worthy moment that will haunt you every time you close your eyes . . . in other words, I’d feel a lot better if this course existed.  

MON 425: Taxes and Money Management
Taxes, finances, T-4’s, student loans . . . it’s enough to give anyone a headache. No one’s ever really taught you what they are, but everyone pretends to know what’s happening in April when you’re desperately Googling every other word you see on the government forms . . .

BASC 118: Survival Skills
I’m not saying that I’m ungrateful for my knowledge of balancing chemical equations and understanding how to use the quadratic formula. But if I were stranded on a desert island, I don’t think those skills would be as handy as knowing how to start a fire or maybe build a shelter. We, students, subsist off a diet of instant noodles and coffee, so unless there is a tree that grows pumpkin spice lattes and ramen, we may not survive.