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Reviews for Tinder profiles

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Peak Web
Peak Web
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Written by: Supreet Kaur

There is a trend on dating apps like Tinder, and we all know it. While the profiles of men lie barren and lonely, women’s profiles fill up with messages, sincere and otherwise. Their recipients, like me, have forgotten them long ago, and left many of them entirely unseen. What if I were to review these profiles of these poor men who never receive replies? I’d surely provide them with a lesson on how to build or not build your Tinder profile.

Fitness Freak Jeremy — I get it, you have abs. It’s nice. It also probably gets you views and girls swooning over you. You know what else is nice? To know you have a personality besides gymming. Wouldn’t it be nice to know you read on your porch on a quiet Sunday afternoon?

Six-figure CEO Klaus — Now, I don’t know if it’s true or not, but we have a lot of young Zuckerbergs on Tinder, looking for true love. Go Klaus! You have, in a young age, accomplished so much. But are you aiming for a mention of your salary to a genuine human being that doesn’t care about your money? Zuckerberg or not, boo Klaus.

Architect Stefan — Is cute, loves dogs (oooh!), and has ticks in all the right boxes. Architect, outdoorsy, traveller, art lover. Girls must like Architect Stefans. Does he have a Damon Salvatore in the brother department as well?  Don’t know. I’ll text you, Stefan. Either way, this is the way to do a profile right.

Farm Boy Ethan — There’s Starboy, and then, there’s farm boy. And I quote: “life is like fishing u just need to find someone that likes your hook.” Someone does have their life sorted. I don’t know if there is a double meaning in there and I’m not sure if I want to know. Farm Boy Ethan, maybe that’s enough for you. But for me, there are more things in life than “finding someone who likes your hook,” like college, grades, family, art, music . . .

Businss Anilist Sam — There is no greater turn off for some ladies than bad grammar or spelling. Dot your i’s and cross your t’s and you might impress a girl more than a shirtless picture would. Some girls might not care about little things like these, but to others, it might matter enough to be the difference between “thanks” and “no thanks.” I didn’t even read past the first two lines, Sam.

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society