Alcohol is the healthiest life choice you can make

Illustrated by Siloam Yeung

Written by: Aaron Richardson

You may have been told that regularly drinking alcohol can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle, and that university is for academics, not partying. Well, I’m here to tell you just how wrong that perception is. It is entirely possible to live a completely healthy university life, while simultaneously incorporating frequent and large amounts of alcohol into your daily life. Here are some tips to allow you to lead such a great lifestyle.

Study while drinking.

If you’re like me, studying means thinking, and thinking is a painful experience. Alcohol is a great way to make it easier and ease the pain. Plus, you can use it as a great motivator by turning it into a drinking game. For every page you read of a textbook, pair it with a shot of your choice.

Take a flask with you everywhere you go

Sadly, most people don’t understand the ways that drinking alcohol can benefit your life. This causes them to judge you when you take out a mickey of rum on the bus. But don’t let their judgement get you down. Keep up the healthy habits, and just make sure you have a full flask whenever you leave the house. Keeping a flask with you at all times is yet another way to make sure you can keep the ever looming hangover at bay.

Get drunk for your exams.

It’s been scientifically proven that if you were drunk when you studied, you’ll do better on an exam if you’re drunk while taking it. I am a man of science, so I’ll trust what those science wielding nerds tell me.

Know your limits, and do your best to exceed them

There’s nothing like someone telling you that you’ve already drunk too much to inspire you to drink even more. As students, it’s our job to exceed expectations. Don’t let other people keep you down and tell you what you are and are not capable of. They are just trying to stifle the genius of the magnificent person that you know yourself to be. Who are they to tell you that you can’t achieve your dreams? Plus, moderation is silly. The “one glass of wine a day” nonsense that doctors are constantly selling is far too little to get properly krunk.

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