By: Nathaniel Tok
Gather round, my children. My sons and daughters, you have all seen nine moons into your final year of school, and you will soon depart these lands of comfort and plenty into the wilderness of Burnaby Mountain. Let me give you some hard-won counsel. I am an old man now — so old that I saw the 135 transform before my eyes into the 95. I was there when they took away my grasslands to begin constructing the building of student unions. I remember when the Trottier Observatory was built, allowing us to better gaze into the stars pondering the meaning of “Engage the World.” So, my children, heed my wisdom, listen to my advice and use it to flourish.
1) Do not tire yourself running from class to class. I have worn myself out hurrying from the western reaches of the university to its uttermost east. Do not underestimate this arduous journey. Such efforts leave me drained and unable to focus myself on the lore in the lectures. Take instead TransLink’s chariots provided under the central archive building to journey towards the hall of glass at Blusson so that you may arrive without delay and with little energy exerted.
2) We humans are creatures of intellect and writing is a hallmark of civilization. But my children, do not be too hasty. The university hosts many festivals and career fairs where there is a bountiful harvest of pens to be collected. For the small price of sharing with the guilds the contact details of your compatriots, you can acquire and hoard all the stationery you need until the next carnival. The money saved from obtaining your writing utensils for no cost can then be used towards more fruitful purposes, like purchasing coffee.
3) Many a student have I seen cram all of their classes into compressed blocks of time back-to-back over two or three days. They come to the mountain citadel as little as possible in a week and quickly depart its peaks to return to civilization. My children, I pray, do not fall into such temptation. While this enables one to push one’s time on the lonely mountain to its greatest potential, this also means one does not have time for midday nourishment, and for a break between class. Also remember, my young pupils, that three classes a day might mean three midterms in a day. Do not be so foolhardy. Instead, take time between classes to form bonds with your fellows and to seek the greatest prize of all: events with free food.
My children, the advice that I have given you is timeless and subtle, yet potent. It was won through long years of struggle. As our time together draws to an end, promise me, that in exchange for this sage wisdom, you will not take my seat during the late afternoon 145 rush.
