The hit new diet of the student

Illustrated by Alice Zhang

By Tiffany Chang

We all know how fabulous students are when it comes to eating healthy, right? This is especially true during finals season. We always promise ourselves that we’ll stick to a strict diet of instant, pre-packaged foods, filled with amazing artificial flavours and preservatives, as well as different types of sugary snacks!

This diet has a name. If you haven’t heard of it already, it’s the “Student Diet.” To give you some helpful tips, here are some of the main go-to dishes that are a part of the dominant university student cuisine:

Frozen pizzas: Perhaps the most satisfying part of the student diet, and a great way to provide students with sufficient nourishment from all four food groups! The crust is the grain product. Tomato sauce hopefully has tomato in it — tomato is considered a fruit, right? Ah, and the delicious cheese from the dairy group. . . Cheese just gives us the high-fat goodness we constantly crave. Finally, pepperoni is the deliciously greasy meat! God only knows what’s in that meat. Nothing excites me more than taking the delectable frozen pizza out of the box, ripping off the plastic wrapping, and popping it into the oven for twenty minutes, knowing that I’m making such an easy and healthy choice!  

Ramen noodles: Carbs! It is impossible to live without carbs. Eating ramen seven days a week does have its benefits. Carbohydrates do in fact turn into glucose, so it gives students the energy we so desperately need for late-night studying. The more carbohydrates, the better! There’s no question about it; ramen has become a trend, and the ultimate staple for everyone. Keep up the ramen consumption! You can do it!

Fuzzy peaches: Who needs breakfast? All of those doctors and health tips on MSN are completely useless! They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Let’s be totally honest with ourselves: breakfast just makes you sluggish in the morning. Why spend all that time preparing a filling breakfast, or going out to buy it every morning, when fuzzy peaches are a cheap alternative? I mean, of course it’s fine to substitute breakfast with a quick sugar-fix from the sweet confectionary! Try it first thing tomorrow morning. You’ll thank me later.

Any kind of coffee: “Coffee” is every student’s mantra. Who hasn’t seen someone around campus drinking coffee from Starbucks or Tim Hortons? Stop drinking water or juice and just drink coffee! The university student’s body is conditioned to run on coffee once freshman year begins. It’s actually healthier for us to drink coffee than water! Can you believe it? Needless to say, don’t hesitate to go for that extra cup when you feel a little drowsy.

Be consistent with eating these types of foods, and you’ll be a perfectly healthy student!