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Political fanbase nicknames

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Cute fanbase nicknames for all your favourite crooked politicians!

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EIC
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Illustrations by Cora Fu

So you like politicians, huh??? So much so that you’re a self-proclaimed fan that stands beside them under all circumstances? That’s all fine and dandy, but let’s take a look at the nicknames for the fanbase(s) that you are a part of — because the politician you support says a lot about you as a person.

Justin Trudeau: The Trou D’eaus

We GET it, Justin Trudeau is very attractive and young (yes, when you’re a politician, anyone under 50 is young) but that doesn’t excuse some of his shittier policies. However, a large portion of his fanbase overlook the latter. These people melt into puddles at the mention of Trudeau and excuse any bad behaviour with “but he’s so fucking HOTTT.” Therefore, they’re The Trou D’eaus (holes filled with water). They’re probably just turned on just by the mention of him.

Bernie Sanders: The Arsonists
Bernie Sanders is the woke grandpa we all wish we had. So much so that many of his supporters just want to watch the world BERN — hence, The Arsonists. Imagine if every offensive old person was replaced with him? It would be fabuloussss! We need Bernie a lot more than Bernie needs us. Think about the possibilities of free college, universal healthcare, and legal weed!

 

Donald Trump: 1) The Trumpets 2) The Cat Sitters

Trump’s band of loyal supporters can be called one of two names — both of them equally degrading but hilarious . . . and I am 100% OK with this. The first option is The Trumpets. Why, you ask? Think about it: Trump supporters are loud and obnoxious, and there are waaaaaaay too many of them (like every high school band’s trumpet section), and they’re in everyone’s face. At this point, are you proud you like him or do you shove your stance in our faces to convince yourself that you’re not a flaming pile of garbage behind the Trump Hotel? The second one is The Cat Sitters, because Trump supporters sure like (or are not angered by) people grabbing other non-consenting people by the pussy.

Emmanuel Macron: The Macarons

The newly elected president of France’s supporters and the delicious French pastry have a lot in common. A macaron contains mostly air, comes in whatever flavour the general public wants, and is mainly for rich people. In comparison, Macron’s supporters stand behind a president who talks a lot of fluff, does whatever the public (read: not the working class) wants, and panders towards rich people.

 

Roy Moore: The Tu-Moores

Roy Moore’s supporters are a cancer to society, hence why they’re called The Tu-Moores. I mean, come on! What kind of decent person would support a pedophile?

Hillary Clinton: The Mintons

Much like the United States Mint, fans of Clinton support a person who is only concerned with making money. Don’t be fooled — she might pretend to care for you and your minimum wage job, but she’s secretly sucking all the corporate banks’ dicks.

 

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society