Go back

Collaboration in a real-life workplace

HumourTop Humour

An example of why corporate workplace mantras are bullshit

Peak Web
Peak Web
1 min.
0
2371
Illustration by Therese Mah

By: Simrin Purhar

Manager: Corporate called and wants us to make “collaboration” our new mantra. Repeat after me, “Collaboration equals productivity!”

Snarky Millennial: Are you talking about collaboration or a cult?

Manager: I’m going to ignore what you just said.

Snarky Millennial: For your information, The Economist released a strong and believable case against collaboration. They call it a curse on workplace productivity.

Manager: Well, you’re wrong — and that’s not a very collaborative attitude. Does anyone have anything positive to say?

Soccer Mom: I support collaboration. My eight-year-old just did a photo collaboration at school that shows what he did over winter break.  

Manager: No, er — I think you’re talking about a collage, not collaboration.

Newly Graduated Arts Major: I do the best picture collaborations. You should see the one I made my boyfriend for our three-month anniversary.

Manager: Clearly some of us don’t know the difference between collage and collaboration.

Teenage Daughter of the CEO: I think I learnt about collaborating in school. Are you and me collaborating right now because we’re both wearing white shirts and black pants?

Manager: That sounds like a coincidence . . . not collaboration. Can someone give me a real example?

Guy Everyone Hates For No Reason: How about when the marketing department worked together on the —

Manager: No, no, not you! Can somebody else please answer?

Snarky Millennial: Google defines collaboration as “the action of working with someone to produce or create something.”

Teenage Daughter of the CEO: If that’s what collaboration means, my dad and his old secretary used to collaborate all the time.

Manager: Finally, a real example. Can you elaborate on what they worked on and what was created as a result of the collaboration?

Teenage Daughter of the CEO: Well. . . what they worked on was sleeping together. And what they created is my half-sister and a vacation home for my mom and dad’s divorce lawyer.

Manager: . . .

Newly Graduated Arts Major: . . .

Soccer Mom: . . .

Guy Everyone Hates For No Reason: . . .

Snarky Millennial: . . . I think you mean classless or crappy situation . . . not collaboration.

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Leave a Reply

Block title

New immunotherapy treatment provides hope for aggressive cancer

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy are often recognized as the three most common forms of cancer treatment. Sometimes, the latter two approaches become no longer effective when cancers become drug resistant, allowing the cells to further spread. At the University of Calgary, however, promising developments in immunotherapy intervention seek to provide alternative treatment when common therapies are not viable.  Cells continually divide to replenish dying cells, but certain gene mutations can create cancer cells, which divide and spread in an uncontrolled manner. The human body naturally defends itself from cancerous cells, though sometimes they can “hide from the immune system and avoid being destroyed,” according to the Canadian Cancer Society. Immunotherapy seeks to help strengthen the ability to recognize and fight...

Read Next

Block title

New immunotherapy treatment provides hope for aggressive cancer

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy are often recognized as the three most common forms of cancer treatment. Sometimes, the latter two approaches become no longer effective when cancers become drug resistant, allowing the cells to further spread. At the University of Calgary, however, promising developments in immunotherapy intervention seek to provide alternative treatment when common therapies are not viable.  Cells continually divide to replenish dying cells, but certain gene mutations can create cancer cells, which divide and spread in an uncontrolled manner. The human body naturally defends itself from cancerous cells, though sometimes they can “hide from the immune system and avoid being destroyed,” according to the Canadian Cancer Society. Immunotherapy seeks to help strengthen the ability to recognize and fight...

Block title

New immunotherapy treatment provides hope for aggressive cancer

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy are often recognized as the three most common forms of cancer treatment. Sometimes, the latter two approaches become no longer effective when cancers become drug resistant, allowing the cells to further spread. At the University of Calgary, however, promising developments in immunotherapy intervention seek to provide alternative treatment when common therapies are not viable.  Cells continually divide to replenish dying cells, but certain gene mutations can create cancer cells, which divide and spread in an uncontrolled manner. The human body naturally defends itself from cancerous cells, though sometimes they can “hide from the immune system and avoid being destroyed,” according to the Canadian Cancer Society. Immunotherapy seeks to help strengthen the ability to recognize and fight...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society