Go back

Five ways that university is just like obedience school

Humour

This semester is going to the dogs

Peak Web
Peak Web
1 min.
0
1002
Illustration by Phoebe Lim

By: Holly French

Let’s face it — back-to-school season isn’t just for humans. Your furry, four-legged friends are headed off to obedience classes and they have their own version of soul-crushing torment to look forward to this fall! In the spirit of the season, we have compiled a 100% scientifically accurate list of the five ways that going to university is just like obedience school, so that you and your dog will have something to commiserate over together.

1) Going to school makes you appear more dignified than you actually are — while the reality is that no amount of training (or anything, really) is gonna make you stop taking naps on the kitchen floor or consuming things that most rational beings would qualify as totally inedible.

2) Treats often require far too much work for so little a reward. This may be a better deal for the puppies, however — at least dogs don’t have to put up with capitalism . . . or faulty vending machines.

3) Instructors are foolishly betting everything on you actually listening to the sit and stay commands. And not constantly getting distrac — hey, look, a squirrel!

4) After about week three, you’ve probably stopped attending classes. You know you’ve lost all hope of motivation; even your dog wants nothing to do with homework, so why should you?

5) You get a nice shiny certificate after you’re finished. Mostly for the bragging rights and a futile sense of accomplishment.

Was this article helpful?
0
0

Leave a Reply

Block title

Long Story Short: Paving a non-linear academic path

Features Peak Web -
By: Marie Jen Galilo, Staff Writer Before starting university, my peers and I started planning our careers. Everyone around me had such big dreams — my friends wanted to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers. Having always cared about my grades and academic success, my teachers, friends, and family would comment on how I would likely establish a respectable career that reflected my intellect. I felt compelled to choose a career path which reflected my efforts and fit their expectations. Another factor for me was family — as the daughter of immigrant parents who left their homes, careers, and loved ones behind, I felt pressured to establish a career that honoured their sacrifices in their hopes of giving me a better future.  I loved subjects in the...

Read Next

Block title

Long Story Short: Paving a non-linear academic path

Features Peak Web -
By: Marie Jen Galilo, Staff Writer Before starting university, my peers and I started planning our careers. Everyone around me had such big dreams — my friends wanted to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers. Having always cared about my grades and academic success, my teachers, friends, and family would comment on how I would likely establish a respectable career that reflected my intellect. I felt compelled to choose a career path which reflected my efforts and fit their expectations. Another factor for me was family — as the daughter of immigrant parents who left their homes, careers, and loved ones behind, I felt pressured to establish a career that honoured their sacrifices in their hopes of giving me a better future.  I loved subjects in the...

Block title

Long Story Short: Paving a non-linear academic path

Features Peak Web -
By: Marie Jen Galilo, Staff Writer Before starting university, my peers and I started planning our careers. Everyone around me had such big dreams — my friends wanted to be doctors, lawyers, or engineers. Having always cared about my grades and academic success, my teachers, friends, and family would comment on how I would likely establish a respectable career that reflected my intellect. I felt compelled to choose a career path which reflected my efforts and fit their expectations. Another factor for me was family — as the daughter of immigrant parents who left their homes, careers, and loved ones behind, I felt pressured to establish a career that honoured their sacrifices in their hopes of giving me a better future.  I loved subjects in the...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society