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Life as a Disney Princess

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EIC
EIC
2 min.
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1215

Snow White

Pros:
Rent is super cheap when split with seven other roommates.  

Cons:
How can you possibly enjoy apple pie after going through a poisoned-fruit fiasco?

Belle

Pros:
In your own personal library, you never have to fight some dude playing Candy Crush for a spot to spread your crap and study, and you’re allowed to eat whatever you want without a librarian baring her teeth.  Additionally, there’s no problem if you accidentally touch some gum under a table — it’s yours.  

Cons:
The furniture in your house shouts at you day in and day out.  Could you imagine your fridge yelling at you to “go easy” with the ice cream?  Nobody needs that kind of negativity.


Jasmine

Pros:
Pet tiger.  Come on.      

Cons:
Imagine the hairballs that thing yacks up. (Unless you’re working on a wig-making startup, in which case you’ve got yourself a double-pro.)

Ariel

Pros:
There’s absolutely no need to shower when you live in the world’s OG bathtub — which comes with complimentary salt scrub, all-you-can-eat sushi, and unlimited seaweed wraps.  

Cons:
You have to hunt for two appropriately-sized and matching seashells every time you need a new bra.  Can you imagine how time-consuming mermaid puberty must be?  Victoria’s Secrets may slice your wallet into teeny tiny pieces, but turns out it’s a walk in the park. Also, how can you enjoy sushi when you know your salmon roll’s name?

Merida

Pros:

Nobody will dare to question you about having a “special someone” at family reunions — not even your slightly racist, very ancient, widowed Aunt Margaret.  

Cons:

Medieval Scotland hasn’t discovered Moroccan oil yet.  Good luck with those curls, girl.  

Sleeping Beauty

Pros:

One-hundred years of sleep.  ‘Nuff said.  

Cons:

Every time I blink I have a new paper to write, three extra shifts, a presentation to give, and I’m leading a discussion group in a class I didn’t even know I was enrolled in.  Imagine the workload after a hundred years of sleep.  Alas, ‘tis the double-edged sword of procrastination.  

Cinderella

Pros:
Magically turning any vegetable at hand into your ride is much more convenient than any public transit known to man: you’re not using any fossil fuels and basically composting as a you go.  Everybody wins.  

Cons:
The constant fear that your best friend will get lured by a tantalizing piece of cheese and then mauled to death by a mouse trap.

Mulan

Pros:
Feminist icon who can do whatever a man does, but in a dress (unless you’re in the mood for some kickass armor, because that’s cool too).

Cons :
Donald Trump exists anyways.

 

 

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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society