“No Homo.”

Nothing says “my masculinity is as fragile as a newborn child” quite as clearly as “no homo.” Seriously, if you have to disclaim your sexuality every time you express a positive thought about the same sex, you have a deep problem. You look insecure at best, and homophobic at worst. Please disintegrate.

“I’m not that kind of girl.”

I hear this most often from fellow females justifying their actions (I’m looking at you, internalized misogyny). “I’m not that type of girl to do this, or say that.” This phrase seems to imply that women can’t be multifaceted creatures, when in reality we all are. Go ahead and be any ‘type’ of girl whenever you want, and remember not to apologize or explain yourself to anyone.

“That *insert meaningless video game here* totally raped me.”

No. It. Didn’t. Don’t you dare trivialize a traumatic event that happens to thousands of women. Not cool.

The “crazy girlfriend” (or boyfriend).

I have yet to meet a nice guy who constantly complains about their ex being “crazy.” More often than not, that girl is “crazy” for having legitimate feelings, thoughts, or opinions and expressing them (God forbid!). Take this stereotype as a gigantic flashing sign that says “I’m a mildly sexist prick.”

“Excuse me while I go kill myself.”

An overdramatic, inconsiderate response to everyday, mundanely unfortunate events. I’m not sure when this expression came into play, but I’m over it. We both know you’re not going to kill yourself over your makeup smearing, or the Starbucks line being a tad longer than usual. Suicide is not funny. It will never be funny. You sound like an asshole.

“That’s retarded” and “That’s so gay!”

I feel silly even including this, because using a minority as an adjective, and a negative one at that, is so blatantly wrong. It may seem harmless at the time, but it contributes to a larger cultural problem. Many of us harbour hate or ignorance subconsciously, and language like this allows those thoughts to breed. Check your rhetoric before you wreck yourself (ha).