EU nations scramble to make catchy exit slogans


Top EU officials hosted an emergency meeting in Brussels last week to make and rank catchy exit slogans for every country following the UK’s Brexit vote. Officials said they were “very pleased” with the outcome of the summit.

“Czech-please” was crowned the winner of the summit, with “Poland-out” in second and “Departugal” in third.

“We hope all EU nations will be satisfied with the naming of their countries’ referenda slogans,” said EU president Donald Tusk.

“Slovakthis,” “Belgdone,” and “Finito” did not make top three, but were close behind in the running.

Cyprus’ top EU official expressed his dissatisfaction with the discussions: “Many nations like ours are unable to make catchy slogans.” Members from Malta and Liechtenstein echoed these remarks.

“This is completely unfair,” said Spain’s EU representative, Juan Aristegui. “We don’t even have a chance against ‘NetherLeave’ or ‘Grexit.’”

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau chimed in, adding that he hopes “there’s no talks of a Quebexit” following the UK’s referendum. He continued by noting that the 1980 and 1995 referendums on Quebec sovereignty may have been “a different ball game” if they had been nicknamed “Quebexit,” rather than the significantly less catchy “Quebec Sovereignty Referendum.”

Meanwhile, Texans dissatisfied with the Supreme Court ruling on abortion bans last week seem to have taken inspiration from the UK, and are now calling for a “Texit” referendum.

However, according to hip-hop icon and geopolitical scholar Kanye West, most of these nicknames don’t hold a candle to the original. “Brexit had the best slogan of all time,” he yelled indiscriminately at a reporter from The Peak. “This is just played out now.”

UK Prime Minister David Cameron said he hopes his pivotal role in helping to coin the term ‘Brexit’ will be his legacy once he resigns, rather than introducing the vote itself.