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Boxing ring to be installed in House of Commons

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Calling it “totally sweet,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau ordered his cabinet to install a boxing ring in the middle of the House of Commons by 2017, sources have confirmed.

“When I elbowed NDP MP Ruth Ellen Brosseau, I felt it was the beginning of a good trend,” said Trudeau. “A boxing ring would be dope. Bombardier bailout? I’ll box their CEO and if he wins he gets that $1 billion. It’s a much fairer system of government.”

Conservative opposition leader Rona Ambrose denounced the move, arguing that a boxing ring “gives the Liberals an unfair advantage. We need an octagon, or something like American Gladiator where they battle with those huge Q-tips.”

Trudeau said he hopes to “send a clear message to Canadians, that conflicts can and should be resolved with your fists” — but only in fair fights, as he clarified to the press. “When Tom [Mulcair] steps to me, I won’t have to take it to the parking lot now. We can settle it in the House.”

Trudeau also pointed to the gender parity in his cabinet, noting, “It’s 2016. Women and men should both be allowed to get in the ring.”

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society