SFU Replies

Hey, SFU!

I’m a little unsure of these new school rules. We’re not allowed to write anything; SFU reps are taking my dictation right now, and it’s easy and makes me feel connected to the community!

I’m wondering if you can clarify the rules established this week, and I’m really excited for them!

Yours,

Amnita Chanda, gender: f, History/Anthropology, BT O+, good standing

 

Hey Amnita!

Here’s a list of the new SFU school rules:

  1. All clothing must be either blue, red, or grey, same as the official school rations. On Wednesdays, students may wear any plaid dancing shoes, in spirit of SFU’s Scottish heritage! Dancing remains prohibited.
  2. Communicating with the levitating bear is permitted in the RCB Hall only.
  3. Surrey and Vancouver students are reminded that classes no longer exist in those campuses, as those campuses no longer exist. All AWOL students will be forgiven once tallied at SFU Burnaby.
  4. No hard-soled shoes on any gym floor.
  5. Communication with the infected Dr. Torsten Kehler is to be done at a safe distance of five metres, minimum (though nothing will stop those dad-jokes!). Same applies for all animated, recently infected professors. SFU is working on a reversal.
  6. Members of the Egyptian League of the Undead are a valued part of this community and will be given students’ sympathy and any available ankhs.
  7. Have fun!

Amnita, we’ve never been closer to understanding the complexities of Ursa Major, or the inner workings of Burnaby Mountain. Just today, in the mountain, we’ve reached lava! Neat! Our hearts go out to the four archeology students lost in the excavation.

Sincerely,

A transparent figure,

SFU Communications

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