Hello SFU students!
This week, we received a flood of letters addressed to SFU Replies, asking questions about — you guessed it — the first annual Woodward’s Valentine’s Week Surprise! I’ll take this opportunity to address both the most common and most loudly-shrieked concerns about the lovely display:
“What are those small dots on the walls? They’re hung at least 10 feet high? I think they have writing on them. . .”
Those sky-high surprises are the sweet, chalky, heart-shaped, love-message candies that you all know and love! We nailed up the yellow-est, most Valentine-iest candies, as a sweet love treat. Fun surprise: they all read the SFU official Valentine’s Day slogan: “I’m waiting.”
“What’s that smell?”
You must mean vinegar! That signature Woodward’s vinegar smell is mostly the SFU eco-friendly floor-cleaning liquid — vinegar! But, this week only, that same mouth-watering vinegar is also emanating out of the gooey, heart-shaped, vinegar-flavoured, dark-beige volcano cakes that are taped all over every Woodward’s bathroom door! Can you find the one with corn starch-filling?
“Is that a chainsaw?”
Maybe! That sound you’re hearing could be a chainsaw, or a number of others. It’s been mastered with paper crumpling and animals cawing, and is playing backwards all week in the Love Web! Where is that you ask? The film student lounge, for only this week! Have a seat, and help yourself to some of those toasted, dry, flaky, crisp, dark-beige hearts that are literally just lying around! (What’s in ‘em? We’ll never tell!)
“What are those notes on the stairs?”
Oh man, those sticky notes, with the same phrase written on every one?
“If not now, when?”
We didn’t do that. The acting students probably did that. They. . . mean well.
Swing by Woodward’s this week — and don’t mind the actors!
And while you’re here, keep an eye out for one more surprise — hint: it’s oozing, and it’s glued under chairs in a certain classroom!
Sandy “Spectre” Jollins,
Woodward’s Department of Decor,
Omnipresent manager, literal spectre