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Hi SFU,

Longtime student, first time writer. I’m wondering if someone can make the water refill stations pour a bit faster. When I refill my bottle, it always makes me late for class! Can’t the stations fill a bottle in a bit less than half an hour?

Kai Lau

 

Hi Kai,

I’m glad to see that you’re using water bottles, instead of those nasty plastic bottles! The system is working!

I’m also glad to see that our new refill/relaxation centres are slowing down your perception of reality. The system is working!

The refill breaks actually only last 25 minutes, but also temporarily inhibit your striatum, as well as your prefrontal cortex, leaving you feeling refreshed.

Breaks are both necessary and too often neglected by those of us in the university setting. A stressed student is unhappy, and an unhappy student who isn’t a team worker isn’t living up to their fullest potential, Kai. We have a system that needs your support, Kai, and no one would want to be ostracized from the community for asking too many questions.

What do you want to be, Kai? When I was growing up, I always wanted to be a community leader, a painter, and, most importantly, chief water fountain consultant at a medium-sized university. I kept my head down, I worked hard, I did what my university asked, and I got all three! Even though being a community leader is, I admit, more of a hobby. Haha.

You worry too much about being punctual, Kai. Stop and smell the roses. Stop asking questions. The 25 minute breaks are a much-needed respite from your busy day, and you love the relaxation time.

Nothing gives you more satisfaction than working your hardest for SFU, Kai. Paying your tuition is a close second.

You’re feeling really nice now.

Sincerely,

Yulis Everbleed,

SFU Chief Water Fountain Consultant,

Ranking Wizard to the Grand Order of Narfinschmell

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© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society