Woohoo: Turning 50
Hey SFU, I have seen the photos, and I can honestly say you have not aged one bit. You’re just as youthful as you were back in September, 1965, when you came into this world. For a university hitting its bicentennial, you’re hitting it in stride. I tip my hat and raise my glass to you. Here’s to aging like a fine wine and making 50 the new 20. Keep this up and you will be looking fabulous by the time you hit triple digits!
Boohoo: Turning 15
Turning 15 sucks ass, and there is no amount of sugar that can coat this unsavoury truth. Prepare yourself for a brutal curb stop from your good friend, Puberty. Braces, acne and awkward voice changes await you and let me tell you, your school photo is going to look terrible no matter what you do. Get ready for hormonal flux comparable to bag of feral cats in a burlap sack. But rejoice, my friend, as you look on the bright side: in just 365 long days, it will all be over. Except not really.
Woohoo: McFogg the Dog
McFogg the Dog has endured as the face of SFU Athletics for over a decade, and shows no signs of retiring anytime soon. This Scottish terrier is the toast of his generation and the most prolific of all the mascots in SFU history. More than being the figurehead to SFU’s varsity sports teams, this pooch is a testament to rising above adversity.
According to SFU athletes, after facing a harsh breakup in 2003 with his chihuahua girlfriend and bumping into debilitating confidence issues, he travelled the globe to find himself. McFogg went through some hefty soul-searching in the Scottish highlands, he returned to the mountain re-energized with purpose.
These days McFogg is in better shape than ever and continues his mascot duties as the heart of the university.
Boohoo: UBC’s Thunderbird
Fun fact about UBC’s Thunderbird: when the name was established, hardly any UBC students wanted “Thunderbirds” as their team name. Back in 1933, students voted through the student newspaper, The Ubyssey, for a sports team name. Of the choices considered, Seagulls was voted the most popular (beating out the highly regarded Peewits and Sea Slugs).
The Pep Club and Ubyssey staff then controversially ignored the decision, held another election, and chose the name Thunderbirds instead. As many today still attest, the only place the Thunderbird belongs is on a box of cereal with his drunk uncle, Toucan Sam.
While Thunderbird wears his blue and gold, SFU can boast having a mascot that can leave him black and blue any day of the week.
Woohoo: Simon Fraser University
Putting aside the quips about SFU Burnaby looking like a correctional facility for British Columbia’s finest, SFU might just be one of the best places to go to school. One can choose to study on a mountain, on the beautiful streets of Vancouver, or in Surrey on a boat-shaped campus above a shopping mall.
And let me ask you: where else can you see a statue of Terry Fox and a giant avocado within five meters from one another? Also, SFU has a cornucopia of illustrious alumni such as Riaz Meghji, and more Miss Hong Kong and China Vancouver winners than you can shake a stick at. So kick it with BC’s finest undergraduate elite. You know you want to.
Boohoo: Every other university
If you don’t attend SFU, you probably wish you did. Sure, you could go to the University of the Fraser Valley, but who wants to attend school in the middle of nowhere? And UBC, do I really need to say anything? These guys overcompensate more than someone with a small penis driving Ford F-150. SFU has a colourful history, personality, and gusto to fully match its top notch roster of studious professors and mindful students. Besides, our hats and hoodies are totally boss.