Fans of the Bible rejoiced this week after God unexpectedly dropped a new story on his website featuring all their favourite characters revealing what they’ve been up to since “Revelations.”
The story, in which everyone from Jesus to Moses and even Judas reunite to watch a leg of the Tour de France in Montpellier, almost crashed God’s website due to the heavy traffic it caused.
Much like JK Rowling’s new Harry Potter story which was released last Tuesday, the new Bible update satisfies the thirst passionate readers had to find out what has become of the characters in the past 200 years.
According to the story, Jesus is still very much a famous figure in the world with cyclists who saw him apparently “falling off their bicycles in disbelief.” Although the writing suggests that Christ is “still the same old prankster,” his turning water into wine routine has been replaced with a “water into grape soda” miracle.
Many fans have interpreted this as a potential hint by God that his own son has had to deal with some problems with alcoholism in the years following his resurrection, although there is no actual evidence that this is really the case.
Moses also appears to not have changed much since his sea-parting days, but his beard is mentioned to be “even greyer than it once was.”
While the quality of writing of the new story has been questioned, as it does not seem to match the rest of God’s work in terms of its style, message, and language, hardcore Bible fans have eaten up the new entry in the series.
“I’ll read anything Bible-related so I was thrilled when this came out,” explained Rachel Henry, a young Canadian Bible fan. “It really gives me hope that maybe he’ll come out with a whole new book at some point. You know, I always thought that Jebediah could’ve used a spin-off, I have so many unanswered questions about that guy.”
Although God has neither confirmed nor denied that he is working on a new Bible adventure, sources close to him have said that he has no plans for a new book in the series and that he’s actually really interested in writing non-fiction for a change.