Go back

Vegan hospitalized after potential ingestion of trace amounts of egg

Humour
EIC
EIC
1 min.
2
1315

hospital

VANCOUVER — A distraught vegan was submitted to Vancouver General Hospital last week claiming to be “tainted.”

Zach Whitney, a 27-year-old vegan man, checked himself into the hospital Saturday at approximately 3pm, telling emergency staff that he had ingested some vegetarian nut burgers which he later found out may or may not have contained trace amounts of egg.

“I’ve failed! I’ve failed! I am not worthy. I am no longer… vegan,” Whitney reportedly cried out repeatedly upon his arrival at the hospital before eventually curling up in the corner and rocking gently back and forth.

Distraught, Whitney would not leave the premises until he was “cured” and repeatedly asked hospital staff to pump his stomach. After hospital staff refused he then attempted to drink a bottle of bleach to induce vomiting.

This led to doctors having to wrestle the bottle away from him before hospital security escorted him off the premises.

Multiple sources confirmed Whitney then spent the rest of the day shuffling up and down the street mumbling, “who am I?”

“The man showed no signs of having been poisoned,”explained Dr. Jeremy Lai, who witnessed the incident.  “In fact, he was in perfect health but he kept on screaming, ‘I’m dying, I’m dying’ and asking me to pump his stomach.”

“It was a long day,” Dr. Lai continued shaking his head, “I’m just glad its over.”

Was this article helpful?
0
0

2 COMMENTS

Leave a Reply

Block title

New immunotherapy treatment provides hope for aggressive cancer

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy are often recognized as the three most common forms of cancer treatment. Sometimes, the latter two approaches become no longer effective when cancers become drug resistant, allowing the cells to further spread. At the University of Calgary, however, promising developments in immunotherapy intervention seek to provide alternative treatment when common therapies are not viable.  Cells continually divide to replenish dying cells, but certain gene mutations can create cancer cells, which divide and spread in an uncontrolled manner. The human body naturally defends itself from cancerous cells, though sometimes they can “hide from the immune system and avoid being destroyed,” according to the Canadian Cancer Society. Immunotherapy seeks to help strengthen the ability to recognize and fight...

Read Next

Block title

New immunotherapy treatment provides hope for aggressive cancer

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy are often recognized as the three most common forms of cancer treatment. Sometimes, the latter two approaches become no longer effective when cancers become drug resistant, allowing the cells to further spread. At the University of Calgary, however, promising developments in immunotherapy intervention seek to provide alternative treatment when common therapies are not viable.  Cells continually divide to replenish dying cells, but certain gene mutations can create cancer cells, which divide and spread in an uncontrolled manner. The human body naturally defends itself from cancerous cells, though sometimes they can “hide from the immune system and avoid being destroyed,” according to the Canadian Cancer Society. Immunotherapy seeks to help strengthen the ability to recognize and fight...

Block title

New immunotherapy treatment provides hope for aggressive cancer

News Peak Web -
By: Lucaiah Smith-Miodownik, News Writer Surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation therapy are often recognized as the three most common forms of cancer treatment. Sometimes, the latter two approaches become no longer effective when cancers become drug resistant, allowing the cells to further spread. At the University of Calgary, however, promising developments in immunotherapy intervention seek to provide alternative treatment when common therapies are not viable.  Cells continually divide to replenish dying cells, but certain gene mutations can create cancer cells, which divide and spread in an uncontrolled manner. The human body naturally defends itself from cancerous cells, though sometimes they can “hide from the immune system and avoid being destroyed,” according to the Canadian Cancer Society. Immunotherapy seeks to help strengthen the ability to recognize and fight...

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society

Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.

For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]

© The Peak Publications Society