Neck Tattoos

I’m not really a big fan of any tattoos, but I can at least understand most of them. I totally get it if you need to show off your love of tribal art on your arm, or honour your family on your chest, or have some light bible reading on your calf. Those tattoos make sense to me. What I don’t get are neck tattoos. The only thing your neck should do is connect your head to your body; that’s it. Your neck doesn’t need to be original. Your neck shouldn’t have “personality.” No one’s ever said, “Yeah, they’ve got an alright face, body, and personality but their neck is just so . . . meh.” The worst part about neck tattoos is that unlike other tattoos, the only way to cover them up is by wearing a turtleneck, which is probably the only thing that looks stupider than a neck tattoo.

— Brad McLeod

Other Drivers

Ok, let me preface: I love driving. I don’t write poems, go shopping, or run for miles to de-stress, I drive. But every dumbfuck with or without a license has to ruin it up for me. You know what’s not fun? Getting smashed into by some cro-magnon updating their twitter: “lawl, driving #notwell #illegal #FUPOPO.” It’s these same people who get the cars that can park themselves and come tricked out like KITT from Knight Rider. Your car shouldn’t double as your brain, nor should it have higher IQ than you. You know what I miss? When the most distracting thing people did while driving was smoking, and when the cigarette lighter was used for lighting cigarettes, not to plug in someone’s phone so they can text while they plow their Hummer into me.

— Rachel Braeuer