After an uncharacteristically silent dinner last Saturday night, SFU president Andrew Petter reportedly waited until bed time before sitting down with the Woodward’s campus to explain the changes that would soon be coming to the extended SFU family.

These new changes being related to the newly constructed Richmond campus.

“Now, Woodward’s, I need to talk to about something really important. No, I’ll get you a glass of water later. Get back in bed, it’s not Legos time. Goldcorp ‘Woodward’s’ Centre for Contemporary Arts! You put that down and get back here!”

Petter then went on to explain how mommy wasn’t just “getting fatter,” and what would be happening in the next few months.

“Yes, you’re going to have to share your students with your new brother or sister, and they’re going to need a lot attention during the first few years, so I might not be able to read you a president’s address every semester. ”

The downtown campus was noticeably distressed by the news, but after swallowing hard, told the president “that they were going to teach the fledgling campus how to ride bikes and do community spirit stuff, and it will so awesome.“

According to sources, afterwards Petter kissed the 130,000 square-foot SFU facility’s forehead and tucked it in.

— Gary Lim