Amanda Todd’s death is more than just case of schoolyard bullying
Image by Ben Buckley
When I learned about the suicide of a girl from my own neighbourhood I was completely caught off guard. Once I got my head around the facts I was heartbroken, then offended, then furious.
Like Amanda Todd, most of us have a few memories from our youth that we would rather leave in the past. For girls, these moments typically involve booze and boys: that skimpy Halloween costume you felt no shame wearing to the school dance, or that time you drank way too much before heading to that house party so you could finally muster up the confidence to flirt with that guy. Even the amount of eyeliner past-you is sporting in those freshman photos is enough to make you cringe.
All teens experience self-consciousness in their middle and high school years, but for young women, this self-consciousness is especially tied to gender and sexuality, which are especially important in defining who they are in the eyes of society. Girls don’t partake in sexual behaviour they might later regret because they want to be objectified and embarrassed. Rather, they do to gain praise when they feel most desperate for acceptance: adolescence. Some studies suggest that more than 70 per cent of American female college students have regretted a sexual activity they’ve partaken in at least once in their short lives.
From a very young age our culture constantly communicates to women (perhaps most subtly and persuasively through visual portrayals, be it on the daily news or at the local football game) that we are valuable to the extent that we are desirable to men. If we want to be heard, we’ve got to be seen. Not convinced? Think of the number of enhancing products that women are expected to use on a daily basis: bras, makeup, razors, perfume . . . all to transform us from what we really are into what we are expected to be if we want to feel appreciated and, ironically, respected (even female politicians have to be “properly” groomed to be taken seriously).
Instead of conflating this tragic event into another classic case of bullying and cordially moving on, we should look at its unique details and truly take the opportunity to learn from it. It’s a bit idealistic to speak of ending bullying if we don’t acknowledge the issues that actually fuel it in the first place; clearly, gender inequality is one of them (recent cases aimed against LGBT youth further exemplify this). Amanda Todd was a girl looking for approval the way she was taught to go about it. Her nightmare experience was facilitated by all of us, by virtue of our culture, and its disgusting misrepresentation of what it means to be a woman. We owe it to her to acknowledge this and work towards a future where girls don’t see their sexuality as the only avenue for acceptance.
