A dating option for commitment-phobes


By Ms. X

I’ll be the first to agree that SFU is a diverse school with students from countries around the world and backgrounds of all sorts. This, however, does not mean we don’t share one thing in common: sex and relationships. Even if you’re not having it, or not in one, it is fair to say it is the one thing that everyone on this campus is thinking about, so let’s talk about it.

Let’s start with relationships. Defining a relationship insinuates that you are with someone with the intent of there being a future together. They become involved in every part of your life, meet your family, and learn your strengths and faults. But while for some students relationships are about finding “the one,” for others it is about finding “the one for right now”, so how can these two ideals co-exist for us?

The middle seems to be found in what I am going to call quasi-relationships (QR). This wannabe partnering allows everything you would gain from dating minus the commitment and titles, and they’re more common than one would expect. At the forefront of these quasi relationships is commitment phobia and it is seemingly rampant across us university students. Though some may debate that fear of commitment is a true phobia, many are willing to admit that they are not ready to make relationship plans for their futures. Just like the question we all face, “What do you want to do with the rest of your life?” the question of, “Who do you want to do for the rest of your life?” can be daunting. QRs, to some extent, answer this problem by offering the short term, easy way out.

Defining a QR will most definitely differ for every partnering. These situations are often not created so that you can have your cake and eat it too; maintaining a bond with a certain someone and also taking home a different someone from the Highland on a nightly basis. QRs are in place for people who enjoy being with their partner but are not at a place to be in it for the long haul. Taking away ‘quasi’ and being left with ‘relationship’ implies there is more of a future involved. You play a larger role in their life, perhaps meeting family or moving in together. For some, right now is the time to have fun with someone you enjoy spending time with and having the flexibility to separate that from your future.

The point is: to each their own. Sure, there are situations where a QR does not work, but if boundaries are clear and both parties involved are aware of what they want, it can allow for two people to find temporary happiness. For those students who are still mapping out their futures and unsure of all that is out there for them, quasi-dating may be what is working for you, just ensure that your situation is fair, healthy, and makes you happy.