tophumour
Rating MBC food choices based on how likely I am to recite Robert Frost whilst taking a shit after consumption
July 24, 2025By: Katie Walkley, Peak Associate This is my long-awaited and highly requested ranking of the Maggie Benston Centre Food Court choices based on how likely I am to recite Robert Frost whilst taking a shit after consumption (in order from least to most). Yes, you read that right. This list includes constipation, which sometimes requires even more poetry to aid me in mourning the shit that could have been. Ben Gong’s Tea: An unlikely appearance from Robert The first experience that lightly grazed my mind was my time after Ben Gong’s Tea. Just before the flush, I had a chance…
Continue reading
Lana Del Rey’s hologram to headline Fall Kickoff
July 24, 2025By: Mason Mattu, Humour Editor Picture this: Lana Del Rey, singing Chemtrails Over The Country Club, frantically flying over an audience, and waving her arms like a fairy all at the same time. At first, you think, “Goddamn. What an…
Continue reading
The OneBC party is here to stop Comrade Rustad
July 23, 2025By: Yildiz Subuk, Staff Writer The leader of the BC Conservative party, John Rustad, has recently lost the plot. He seems to be suppressing the Conservative party’s freedom of speech by not letting members make mockeries out of the trauma…
Continue reading
Dig, Baby Dig: SFU’s bold economic and educational plan
July 21, 2025By: Corbett Gildersleve, News Writer Inspired by the rapid passing of BC’s Bill 15: The Infrastructure Projects Act, and the federal Bill C-5: One Canadian Economy Act, SFU has unveiled a new innovative direction for the university titled “Dig, Baby…
Continue reading
STATEMENT: Prime Minister Carney explains why he invited Modi to the G7 Summit
July 10, 2025By: Mark Carney, Prime Minister of Canada OTTAWA — My fellow Canadians. It ‘tis I, Big Daddy Mark Carney, here. India is run like a well-cooked roti by Narendra Modi, who is apparently a fascist. But there is obviously some…
Continue reading
A call for revolution (and moving sidewalks) at blusson hall
July 7, 2025By: Katie Walkley, Peak Associate HEAR YE, HEAR YE! SFU storm bringers, we have gone on too long walking immeasurable distances from class to class. We are made to feel like hobbits trekking to Mount Doom when we should be…
Continue reading
I’m forever haunted by Harbour Centre Mall
July 7, 2025By: Yulissa Huamani, Peak Associate Look, there’s nothing better than waking up at the crack of dawn to attend a lecture. I don’t expect anything remotely interesting to happen at 8:00 a.m. as I commute and question my life decisions.…
Continue reading
CARTOON: The Trump and Musk breakup
July 3, 2025By: Christine Aumueller
Continue reading
The Peak investigates: Jugo Juice closure
July 3, 2025By: Coffee Brown, now in witness protection Coffee Brown was recently faced with his most difficult task as a member of the Beverage Mafia. Brown had been loyal to the mafia family for decades, but after his last hit, he…
Continue reading
Pitt Meadows saves WrestleMania 42
July 1, 2025By: Katie Walkley, SFU student This week, WWE fans of British Columbia are celebrating with more fervour than Hulk Hogan flexing his win against Andre the Giant at WrestleMania 3. I know there are lots of peace-loving pumpkins out there…
Continue reading
