Juztin Bello
Top Ten things me and the boys are gonna do after we’re vaccinated
March 30, 2021Loiter at the mall If there’s one thing me and the boys missed doing, it’s wandering around the mall. We’d go into stores like Lids and Sport Chek and refuse to buy anything or put anything back despite trying an absurd amount of shit on. We’ll probably hit with some classic goofs like putting the girly hat on Trave and watch him freak out, or go through the bra section of Walmart so that Becker can finally see what a bra looks like (fucking virgin). 2. Do keg stands from the same pump If there’s one thing COVID took from…
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Top Ten things that have changed since lockdown one
February 20, 2021Your need for people Early lockdown saw you lamenting over missing friends and enthusiastically speeding through Zoom calls like your ex from high school who, since dating you, speeds through frequent relationships (what’s up with that?). Nowadays, your friends would…
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Top Ten things at the SFU Burnaby campus with the highest sex appeal
February 17, 2021The Saywell staircase He’s tall. He’s solid. And he’ll have you sweating and panting in seconds. You may hate him because of the strain he puts on your body, but just remember that he puts you through this because he…
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Top Ten worst Valentine’s Day dates
February 13, 2021Your aggressively single friends Your “single” friends will probably just mind their business on Valentine’s Day, because, shocker, it’s just another weird cash-grab, hetero holiday. Your “aggressively single” friends? Oh boy. Get ready for weeks of “We don’t need to…
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Pets unionize, annoyed with owners using them as compensation for a lack of online personality
January 24, 2021Vancouver, BC — Following an influx of complaints from household pets regarding inaccurate quoting for captions on Instagram, zero compensation for modelling, and providing non-consensual emotional support, these animals are biting back against their owners who use pet-focused Instagram accounts…
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Reliance on gender in categorizing holiday gift suggestions is anything but merry or bright
December 8, 2020When it comes time for consumers to begin their holiday shopping, retailers everywhere love crafting the perfect list to help shoppers with their needs. One of the most recurring ways you’ll see retailers sort gift suggestions are through some version…
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Top Ten failed 2020 New Year’s resolutions
November 30, 2020Travel more to ~find yourself~ People with a “this is going to be my year” mentality seek travel to ~discover themselves~, acquire ~hip lingo that definitely isn’t appropriation and misuse of a language~, and to ~flex on social media~. Spoiler…
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Top Ten ways to help lockdown go by quicker
November 18, 2020Hit up your ex Since dating your ex ended up being a waste of time despite your initial thoughts, inserting yourself back into their life during lockdown truly lives up to the “unprecedented times” we’re currently in. You want “unprecedented?”…
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Top Ten names to give your party you’re too scared to call a party during quarantine
November 7, 2020A ~casual~ get ᶜᴼⱽᴵᴰ together The world is a stressful time right now and the idea of being scrutinized for partying frankly has me all wound up. I think what everyone in the world needs right now is something a little…
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The Bright-er Side: A shoutout to stuck-at-home parental figures and guardians
November 4, 2020The other day I was in my “office” (my bedroom) getting some work done. I hadn’t realized that time had slipped away from me and knew I would be late getting started on making my dinner. When I left my…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]