Horoscopes
Horoscopes June 10 – 16
June 13, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 You’re built completely different. Look at you getting last-minute candy in the Burnaby campus vending machine room, which is a real room solely dedicated to vending machines. You also made sure to hit up those random gumball and hard fruit candy dispensers at the laundromat that are like $0.25 (the low price is to account for the fact that they’re not sure when the last restock was). Your best score was from sweet-talking the tables at club day. #NoShameInYourGame Taurus April 20–May 20 I know it’s June now, but happy late Mother’s Day; you really…
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Horoscopes May 27 – June 2
May 27, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers Listen, who are you trying to kid? You’re gonna show up to the bar insisting you’ll sing a different song, but you won’t. You’re a creature of habit, and the rest…
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Horoscopes May 6 – 12
May 6, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 Just delete all your social media. You do not have the self-control to prevent yourself from typing, “must be nice spending your parents money insert face blowing a kiss emoji here” under an aesthetic Amsterdam pic…
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Horoscopes: March 4 – 9
March 4, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 I think you should punch your midterm. Not in class, because that would be embarrassing. But metaphorically, you should punch it for all the stress it’s caused you. Giving the exam a good ol’ two-bit punch…
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Horoscopes January 29 – February 2
January 30, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 The heavens have chosen. Aries is represented by Sikowitz. Just like the eccentric drama teacher, Arieses have no filter and are quite forgetful. This may land you in a sour situation, like drinking milk from an…
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Horoscopes January 8 – 12
January 8, 2024Aries March 21–April 19 IN: Rewatching Riverdale season 6. Do it for the superpowers. OUT: Stirring your tea with a fork (seriously, why do you do that?). Taurus April 20–May 20 IN: Covering the dead spider in your trash can…
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Horoscopes: November 27–December 1
November 28, 2023With the winter solstice fast approaching, you better bundle up, get your skookum snow shovel out, and prepare to dive into the holiday chaos that’s about to ensue. Aries: March 21–April 19 Winter camping is your jam. By that, I…
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Horoscopes October 29–November 4
November 25, 2023Aries Did anyone tell you that it’s shark week? Well, not in the way you think it might be. Prepare yourself for the onslaught of seven evil sharks during your midterm week. Defeating each subsequent shark in a battle of…
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Horoscopes October 16 – 22
October 17, 2023October 31 is coming up fast, and there’s a cheap Halloween costume with your name on it. If you’ve been scavenging Pinterest for a last-minute idea, get some quick and easy inspo that’ll guarantee your outfit is the only one…
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Horoscopes October 9 – 15
October 10, 2023Aries March 21–April 19 Change your phone wallpaper to something that will yell at you to do work. How about a photo of Nicki Minaj with the caption, “Barbs stay in school!” Or a picture of your favourite video game…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
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For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]