Horoscopes
Horoscopes: Sept 17, 2012
September 17, 2012Aries (March 21— April 20) The average person swallows 10 spiders a week in their sleep. Looks like you're going to have an above-average week! Taurus (April 21 – May 21) They say that life imitates art; someone is going to cut off your arms. Gemini (May 22 – June 21) Chance circumstances will cause you to meet the man (or woman) of your dreams. Your 9th grade math teacher, naked and losing his teeth. Cancer (June 22 – July 22) The stars are too busy fusing elemental hydrogen into helium to deal with your shit this week. Leo (July…
Continue reading
Horoscopes: June 30th
July 30, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) Scorpions! Scorpions everywhere! In your shoes, in your mout — Oh wait, sorry that’s this week’s Horrorscope. My mistake. Taurus (April 21 – May 21) This week’s winning Taurus is Kathleen Mayweather of Akron,…
Continue reading
Horoscopes: July 23rd
July 23, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) Good news! This week you can expect your baleen to absolutely overflow with krill. (Note: This week’s horoscope only applies to grey whales) Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Like the bull, this week…
Continue reading
Horoscopes: June 11th
June 11, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) The stars have no idea where those 10 bucks went? What you do mean you don’t believe them? Are you calling the stars a liar? Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Sometimes death…
Continue reading
- « Previous
- 1
- …
- 13
- 14
- 15
- Next »
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]