Horoscope
Horoscopes January 24–28
January 25, 2022By: Sara Brinkac, Star-whisperer in training ARIES: One day this semester — when you least expect it — a tall dark stranger will come to you with grave news. Be nice to them, the cemetery industry is pretty dead nowadays, and they’re excited to share this update with you. TAURUS: Be wary of aimless travellers this week. They have an astoundingly terrible sense of direction and will just bump into you totally unprompted. GEMINI: Laugh long, loud, and often. People need to know you have the intensity and sense of humour of a Moon God. CANCER: When one door opens, another…
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Horoscopes January 17–21
January 19, 2022By: Sara Brinkac, Cosmic mailman ARIES: Sorry I haven’t gotten out of retrograde. I accidentally had caffeinated tea at 8:00 p.m. last night and my orbital schedule has been a nightmare. — Mercury TAURUS: I get that you’re really into…
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Your SFU horoscopes: January 10–14
January 11, 2022By: Luke Faulks, Staff Writer ARIES: After horoscopes have repeatedly failed to accurately predict the ups and downs of your life, you’re starting to doubt their efficacy. At least until right now, when the stars — and I — absolutely…
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Your weekly SFU horoscopes: May 11–17
May 11, 2020Written by Paige Riding, News Writer Aries: How’s that “grass is greener on the other side” mindset going for you now? Take the time to forgive yourself for that compulsory Amazon purchase. Which one, you ask? Maybe the one that didn’t…
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Horoscopes for Busy People
July 20, 2014At Peak Humour we understand that you're probably a very busy person who doesn't have time to waste reading the typical vague statements about what you might want to do or may want to avoid in your day as found…
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Horoscope: November 19, 2012
November 19, 2012Aries (March 21 – April 20) This week you save $3.45 and anyone from ever finding your body trying to save money by “mining your damn own copper.” Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Don’t make mountains out of molehills…
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Horoscope: October 14, 2012
October 14, 2012By Gary Lim Aries (March 21 – April 20) You don’t care what they say, if you lead that horse to water, you will make it drink. Swathes of drowned horses be damned. Taurus (April 21 – May 21) It’s…
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