Fake News
HUMOUR: TSSU aligns with Prince of Darkness to settle university dispute
October 26, 2015With the recent loss of their health benefits, SFU’s Teaching Support Staff Union (TSSU) has stepped up their game like never before against Andrew Petter: starting October 31, a partnership between the TSSU and Satan will add further pressure on the university to negotiate for a new contract. The partnership is the result of a meeting held last week at Yeti Yogurt, where members of the TSSU met with the Lord of Darkness to ask for help with the long-standing wage dispute. Over Bigfoot on the Beach smoothies, the two parties reportedly negotiated all through the night before being kicked…
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Ways to improve your club’s Halloween mixer, based on science
October 25, 2015Recent findings by the world’s top social scientists have concluded that the best way to have a “spooktacular” and “creeperific” Halloween party is to carefully engineer a series of absurd experiences and pair them with an unsettling, traumatizing environment. You…
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HUMOUR: TSSU furthers job action by locking students in tutorial rooms until demands have been met
September 28, 2015Starting last Monday, in a surprising move by the Teaching Support Staff Union (TSSU), teaching assistants began locking students inside of tutorial rooms in a way to further negotiations with the SFU Board of Governors. The TSSU has been on…
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The horrifying reality behind your pumpkin spice
September 28, 2015If an ethical crisis occurs at roughly the same time each year, and no one chooses to address it, does that crisis make a sound? Close the other tabs on your Internet browser, put your phone on silent, and tell…
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HUMOUR: Tech-challenged SFU professors to take mandatory workshop this spring semester
September 28, 2015There are many whimsical constants in the academic microcosm that is SFU; little idiosyncrasies which help make our engaged university the scholastic paradise we have all come to love. Whether it is the watered-down Starbucks coffee atop Burnaby Mountain or…
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“We apologize for the accidental police raid on what was revealed to be just a neighbourhood sex dungeon”
September 21, 2015Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for attending this press conference on such short notice. There’s been a lot of chatter and rumours circulating on social media, and we figured it was better to address the recent events directly than have…
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An interview with 2020 presidential candidate Kanye West
September 14, 2015Understandably, rapper Kanye West’s announcement to run for president in 2020 has elicited some strong responses. While not the most ridiculous thing to ever happen at a MTV Video Music Awards, it’s definitely up there. The Peak was able to…
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Check out my Fringe show
September 14, 2015Excuse me. Excuse me! Yes, hi, I was wondering if I could interest you in a flyer for my Fringe show. I know. You might be thinking, “Great, like I didn’t have enough Fringe plays to check out already.” Or…
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HUMOUR: Previously-hidden N.W.A. member seeking recognition after Straight Outta Compton film success
September 8, 2015A previously-unknown member of iconic hip-hop group N.W.A. has come forward, following the group’s resurfacing in the public eye. The announcement comes just after N.W.A. biopic Straight Outta Compton spent its first three consecutive weekends in first place at the…
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Tips on how to have the best ginger-beach season of your life
July 27, 2015It’s almost August, which means beach season for all you red-haired beach bums is only a few months away. And while you might be wondering how the season snuck up on you so quickly, much like the full-body suit you…
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