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Vancouver transit is underappreciated

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What is with this region and its hate for transit?

Yes, it takes 50 minutes to go from East Burnaby to the West End. You are traveling a long way. Ignoring the huge costs involved with owning and operating a vehicle, driving would only take 15 minutes less, assuming the roads are clear — and you’d have to find and pay for parking!

Maybe my transit tolerance comes from growing up in a small northern community. Travelling to the next significant town used to take anywhere between 45 minutes and an hour and a half. When I moved down here, that kind of travel was already part of my existence, so taking the bus never felt like an issue.

Maybe it comes from attending a university that has me travelling between three campuses. We have to go to classes in Burnaby, Surrey, and/or Vancouver. Transit is part of any SFU student’s reality, unless one can afford the huge costs of living on campus; even then, there’s no guarantee of having all your classes in Burnaby.

Maybe it’s simply that I am able to entertain myself by reading a book, sending emails, texting, or enjoying my podcasts. I’m OK with the time spent getting places.

Maybe it’s a culmination of any number of other reasons. Whatever it is, saying you don’t want to come out to visit me in Burnaby because it’s “too far out” is kind of being a jerk. Seriously, do you think you’ll turn into a pumpkin if you take too much time crossing the bridge?

When I hear, “I would come, it’s just that you live so far away, why don’t you come here,” it comes across as, “I’m more important than you and can’t be bothered to come see you, yet you can come see me, because your time is less important.”

Metro Vancouver has some of the best transit around. Could it use some improvements? Oh heck yeah: the SkyTrain could run later, if not all night; anyone who lives in Surrey has to deal with the ridiculousness of the system there; and if you live in East Burnaby and need to get to the airport, plan for an hour commute.

It sure beats where I grew up though. There, we only had two busses, north and south, that ran every half hour and stopped at 7 p.m. It beats what I’ve seen in Sydney, Australia, where the busses and the train compete and each charges you independently to use their services. It beats Toronto where train delays are part of your daily commute. It beats most of the transit in Central and South American cities I’ve seen, where you don’t always know where the bus is going, or how corrupt the driver might be.

Ask anyone not from Vancouver about the transit here. We are spoiled. We have a system that’s trying to do the best it can to serve a population that does nothing but dump on it. We have people who would rather drive because “I don’t take transit.” We have people who vote “no” on a tax that would have benefited the system even more, because they think they are sticking it to a corrupt system. We have people who don’t want to travel because it is too far.

I’m done listening to the complaining. We live in a massive city. Transit is part of it and travel is part of the price for it all. If you don’t like that, move to a small town and stay secluded, or stop your whining.

The biggest beefs in rap history

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Kool Moe Dee vs. Busy Bee (1981)

The beef that started it all. Less a genuine rivalry and more a spontaneous rap battle, it started when rapper Busy Bee Starski shot a diss at fellow rapper Kool Moe Dee during a live set at the Harlem World club. Dee, one of the all-time rap legends, responded with an ice cold freestyle, including such dismissals as “You’re not number one, you’re not even the best / And you can’t win no real emcee contest.” There’s a reason you’ve never heard of Busy Bee before now.

UTFO vs. Roxanne Shanté (1984)

One of the weirdest rap beefs in history, it all started when rap group UTFO released a song called “Roxanne, Roxanne,” about a fictional girl who rejected their sexual advances. Up-and-coming MC Lolita Shanté Gooden decided to hit back with “Roxanne’s Revenge,” adopting the titular moniker. Then UTFO responded with a song featuring rapper Elease Jack, who also took on the name Roxanne. This eventually spawned a series of tracks from multiple rappers all about “Roxanne,” and the beef lasted from 1984 all the way to 1992.

Ice Cube vs. NWA (1990)

If anyone needed proof that Ice Cube was cold as ice, look no further. The rapper left the famous Straight Outta Compton group in 1990, citing poor management and bad finances. On their 1990 EP, NWA dissed the former member, saying that Ice Cube “couldn’t take” being in the group. Cube shot back in 1991 with “No Vaseline,” with lyrics so hardcore I can’t even mention them here. Cube’s solo career was ultimately successful, while NWA split soon after. Eventually they buried the hatchet, if the success of last year’s biopic is any indication.

2Pac vs. The Notorious B.I.G. (1991)

The rap beef everyone thinks of first, Tupac and Biggie’s beef extended to a broader beef between East Coast and West Coast rappers in general. Both sides exchanged more than just disses, with tensions leading to robberies, shootings, and the eventual murder of both Tupac and Biggie. What most don’t know is that the two actually started as friends, before a series of missteps led them to become bitter rivals. While both ended up being remembered as rap legends in their own right, fights still rage over which one was the better MC.

50 Cent vs. Ja Rule (2000)

Before 50 Cent became one of the most famous rappers in the world with “In Da Club,” he was known as one of the hardest MCs in the game, having been an actual drug dealer in his teens. Before signing to Interscope, 50 became embroiled in a conflict with rapper Ja Rule. Apparently one of his associates stole Ja Rule’s jewelry, which led to a fight at a nightclub where 50 was stabbed by one of Ja Rule’s labelmates. The two came to blows several times afterwards — both lyrically and literally — and the beef never really subsided, with a series of tweets last year reigniting the fire between them.

Kendrick Lamar vs. everyone (2013)

I’m not going to argue here that Kendrick is the king — you should already know that. True to his status as royalty, Lamar used his guest verse on Big Sean single “Control” to call out all of his rivals at once, including Drake, Pusha T, Mac Miller, A$AP Rocky, and Big Sean himself, on his own song. Meanwhile, Lamar ranked himself along with the all-time greats, including Jay Z, Nas, and Andre 3000. While it was only a guest verse on another rapper’s single, Lamar’s call-out was arguably the biggest rap story of 2013, and became the most critically acclaimed verse since Nicki Minaj’s “Monster” verse in 2010.

Drake vs. Meek Mill (2015)

The best-known beef of the modern era, Drake’s rivalry with Meek Mill began last year when Meek accused Drake of using a ghostwriter for his raps. Several factors complicated the beef from the start, including Meek’s fiancée Nicki Minaj, who’s long been rumoured to be in a romantic relationship with Drake. For his part, Drake jumped on the beef right away, releasing diss track “Back to Back” which he later performed live behind a livestream of fanmade Meek Mill memes. In case there were any lingering doubts that Drake won, “Back to Back” was nominated for a Grammy, the first diss song to gain the honour. Can you imagine being the subject of a Grammy-nominated diss?


Don’t forget to check out our story on Drake vs. Kid Cudi to see where that beef stacks up against these legendary ones. 

Drake vs. Kid Cudi

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Drake should win the beef

You were the man on the moon
Now you just go through your phases
Life of the angry and famous
Still never been on hiatus
You stay xann’d and perk’d up
So when reality set in, you don’t gotta face it
“Two Birds One Stone” – Drake

When I first heard the lyrics in “Two Birds One Stone” talking about Kid Cudi, I was surprised. It was a big shot, but I understand why Drake did it: he did it to finally put Kid Cudi in his place.

Drake says it perfectly when he says “You were the man on the moon, Now you just go through your phases.” Cudi has not been relevant since Man on the Moon. This is not debatable; “Day N’ Night” was a great song, but since then, he hasn’t put out anything that has really piqued any interest. Since his first album, each album he’s released has had a lower Metacritic score than Man on the Moon, with his most recent scoring an embarrassing 2.4 in the user score category.

Also, can we be sure that this is Kid Cudi who sent his tweet? (“@Drake Say it to face, pussy. You think it’s a game. I wanna see you say it to my face. I’ll be out soon. Promise.”) He’s in rehab right now, and likely doesn’t have access to a phone. So who’s tweeting this out for him? Perhaps it’s his manager, who tweeted out his thoughts earlier.

In any event, Drake has a history of coming out on the winning side of these things. He came out on the winning side against Tyga, basically ethering him with the line, “You need to act your age and not your girl’s age.” Drake of course destroyed Meek Mill with “Back to Back,” to the point where he still hasn’t really recovered.

Drake is essentially untouchable at this point. If he can win a beef when someone accuses him of ghostwriting, then he will easily destroy Cudi in an upcoming track. Plus, Cudi (or whoever has control of his Twitter account) has already deleted the tweet that clapped back to “Two Birds One Stone”, showing that he already regrets poking Drake.

Since Drake burst onto the scene in 2009, I don’t think there’s been another artist who has consistently put out such great tracks. Kid Cudi hasn’t released a good album since I’ve been in high school. Drake is at the top of his game right now, and it’s pretty clear that he will come out victorious in this one. – NB

Kid Cudi should win the beef

Let me start by saying that I think Drake is a better rapper than Kid Cudi.

True, both their most recent albums were disappointments — Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven was cheesy and unfocused, while Views was lazy and overstuffed — but pound for pound, Drake puts out better songs and better albums than his rival. This discussion is not about musical quality, or even vocal dexterity though. In fact, few rap beefs are.

Think about Jay Z and Nas. In 2001, the rivalry between two rappers culminated in a pair of diss tracks: “Ether” off Nas’ forgettable Stillmatic, and “Takeover” on The Blueprint, Jay’s undisputed best work.

You’d have a hard time arguing Nas was anywhere near as culturally relevant as Hov at the time: he hadn’t made a consistently good album since his legendary debut, while Jay Z had never been more popular, facing a massively public legal battle and still reaping royalties from “Big Pimpin’.” So Jay Z obviously won the battle, right? Wrong.

Not only did Nas’ body of work survive Jay’s — Illmatic is still a better album than anything Jay ever made — but he also fought harder and won bigger. “Ether” is the work of someone with something to prove. In fact, the track hit so hard that it almost shook Jay to tears during a radio session, and pushed him to rap about leaving condoms on the car seat of Nas’ kid. That’s the desperation of a man who knows he’s been beaten.

I’m not trying to say that the underdog always wins. In fact, Drake’s most famous beef disproves the theory: he consistently destroys Meek Mill, who is both a worse rapper and a worse disser.

But with Meek, Drake acted in defence. Kid Cudi, however, barely earned his diss, tweeting that Drake was using a ghostwriter — which the rapper himself has all but confirmed (sorry, Drizzy fans).

So how did Drake respond? By openly mocking Kid Cudi’s struggle with depression. Not cool, dude.

Rap beefs are nothing if not outrageous, and the most over-the-top tracks are often the best ones. But there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed. Jay shouldn’t have rapped about ejaculating in Nas’ jeep, Cam’ron shouldn’t have rapped about Stan Spit’s dead mom, and Drake shouldn’t have dissed Kid Cudi’s mental illness.

Drake lost this beef before it even began. Not only was his call-out an extremely low blow, but it further reinforced the problematic history of hip-hop refusing to acknowledge struggles with mental health. Kid Cudi may be a worse musician, but his open admission of his depression is braver than anything Drake has ever done in his life. – MJH


Want to know how this feud stacks up against some of the most legendary beefs in rap history? Check out The biggest beefs in rap history to find out!

Songs to play for your first wedding dance

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Apparently, the most requested first dance song is “All of Me” by John Legend. This is kind of like hearing that Maroon 5 is coming to play a gig at the Highland, but it’s actually only the bassist, Remy Martin. Does anyone give a fuck? No.

It shows how little you give a fuck that Remy Martin isn’t even Maroon 5’s bassist, but actually a brand of French cognac.

I digress, but the point I’m trying to make here is that at your nuptials you should be throwing some shapes on the D-floor to something slightly less underwhelming. So, here are some bangers befitting of your big day.


“Baby Got Back” – Sir Mix-a-Lot

You first noticed her when another girl at the next table turned to her friend and exclaimed “Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.”

Who could they possibly be talking about? And then you saw her.

You were hooked and couldn’t stop staring. Jake, Sean, and all your other homeboys tried to warn you. It’s a damn good thing you drive a Benz.

Cosmo said she was fat, but you weren’t down with that. Your old man always told you, your anaconda don’t want none unless she’s got buns, hun. Luckily for you, there’s a song that captures your meet-cute rather accurately.

 

“Bye Bye Bye” – *NSYNC

You’ve come to see that life would be much better if she was gone. She may hate you, but it ain’t no lie baby, bye, bye, bye.

This was a mistake from the start, so embrace it. Ask your recently hitched wife to kindly stand by the side, round up three of your buddies and Lance Bass (he’s always around) and put on an impressively choreographed dance sequence to renounce your love.

She’s gonna see you out that door at some point — might as well do it in style.


“What Do You Mean?” – Justin Bieber

When you nod your head “yes,” but you want to say “no.” There’s nothing like fostering a sense of entrapment to get everyone in the mood for a romantic occasion.  


“What Does The Fox Say” – Ylvis

Well, seeing how you’re now, in the eyes of the law, married to a fox “yes” is apparently the answer to life’s greatest mystery.


“Tik Tok” – Ke$ha

Much like Ke$ha, you’re going to be asking, “Where did it all go wrong”?

Perhaps it was when you started brushing your teeth with an entire bottle of Jack Daniel’s, which gave you both liver damage and tooth decay. Or maybe it went wrong because you left for the night and never came back.

Maybe it’s even because when you woke every morning, you felt like you embodied the rapper formerly known as P. Diddy. Embodying P. Diddy is not healthy.

But, the most probable reason it all went wrong is because you decided this was the song you wanted for your first dance.

 

“My Heart Will Go On” – Céline Dion

This is “your” song. Of course it was going to be the soundtrack to your first dance.

Why are you looking at me that way? No, I haven’t seen Titanic. Why is that relevant?



Political parties as vibrators

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Let Tru-daddy please your Clit-ton!

Democrats

You weren’t really sure about this one. The packaging was nice and celebrities keep endorsing it, yet you’ve heard so many questionable things about it, so you’re naturally suspicious. Is it really an exact  replica of Anthony Weiner’s weiner? Is this where all the Clinton Foundation money goes? If Hillary’s had to fake it all these years, will I have to?

You still reluctantly bought it, though and boy does it work. It may resort to some nasty, wrong (as Donald would say), semi-illegal shit to get you there but when it does, buckle up. Lock the doors, turn up the music, and get to your polling station. Thanks, Obama!

Republicans  

One word: jarring.

Almost as if it were designed without the slightest awareness of the female body, this particular model starts out with a pinch and accelerates until it’s pummeling you in the cervix, going from zero to oh dear God why in a matter of seconds.

Unresponsive when you’re trying to stop it, the Republican vibrator was apparently once well-received, but has since deteriorated into an aggressive, abrasive, literal pain in the ass (though the instructions are strictly opposed to use in “non-traditional” orifices).

The only thing that could possibly make it worse at this point is if it were to start leaking battery acid . . . oh wait.

Conservatives

The batteries used in this model are no longer sold. Maybe there will be a rebranding in a few years, but I’m hardly curling my toes in anticipation.

Liberals

Historically inconsistent (let’s face it, nobody got off in the Stéphane Dion years) but currently reaching new peaks of sex-cellence.

The looks, the charisma, and the boyish charm this one is on every Montreal housewife’s to-do list, once little Pierre and Sophie are safely tucked in bed.

Every once in a while there’s a glitch, but this vibrator’s loyal following can dutifully ignore such trivial errors in favour of the greater good. And when it’s good, it’s good. Oh, Canada!

NDP

Briefly a big seller, this model once showed real promise but has since reverted to tired tricks that no one really asked for. Buzz, buzz, meh.

Green Party

Does anybody actually use this?

Reasons you’re voting for Clinton/Trump

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Why you’re voting for DRUMPF

1. It’s time that politics get honest! So let’s have the wealthy elite run things openly.

2. You’re not sure why all these people are here chanting “Trump,” but you enjoy loud noises. Like guns — they excite you.

3. You’re tired of politicians’ tricks, like facts and reason.

4. You’re totally not racist or anything but you just want to make America whi– . . . er,  great again.

5. You’re totally not racist or anything but they are stealing your jobs.

6. You’re totally not racist or anything but they are Mexicans you love taco bowls, though.

7.  You’re totally not racist or anything, but you find yourself explaining why you aren’t a racist quite often. Donald Trump will sort that out. 

8. Life is a joke anyway. You can see the humour in any situation.

9. You’re Vladimir Putin.

10. You just want to see the world burn..

 

Why you’re voting for the Good Wife


1. You’re like, totally a feminist.

2. Politicians make promises all the time without delivering any real change. That’s just the way politics work.

3. Pantsuits are so in right now.

4. Wall Street needs love, too.

5. What’s an election without a few scandals?

6. Emails? To be honest I never paid much attention, it sounded pretty boring.

7. You have this strange notion that years of experience in government is a better qualification for becoming president than being a shitty businessman with a reality TV show.

8. Your teacher will fail you if you don’t vote.

9.  At least Hillary will have someone to manage her emails for her in the White House.

10. You’d rather not experience nuclear war.


ALBUM REVIEWS

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A Pentatonix Christmas – Pentatonix

The trailblazing, internationally celebrated a cappella group Pentatonix has released new music in the fall every year for the past four years — and they’re not about to break that streak.

You most likely have already heard A Pentatonix Christmas’ first single “Hallelujah” circulated on Facebook by everyone and their mother. This dramatic cover stands apart from an otherwise peppy album filled with music that actually has to do with Christmas (I promise). The record features familiar holiday tunes given beatbox, riff-filled facelifts, and a few original songs soon to be added to Christmas playlists everywhere.

To those naysayers complaining that “November is too early for Christmas music” and “Please stop singing Pentatonix at my face,” I would say that you can’t put a limit on happiness and cheer. Give the album a listen and try not joyfully sing along! – TGL

WALLS – Kings of Leon

This is not an impressive album. It doesn’t rock the boat, it doesn’t take Kings of Leon in a new direction, and it offers only a few remarkable tracks.

If you don’t mind hearing “whoa-ahs” in every song, then you’ll love this album. Most of it sounds like it could have been buried on any of their previous albums, sandwiched between the single-worthy tracks just to fill it out.

That being said, there is at least one gem on this record: “Muchacho” doesn’t fit in. It goes deeper and has more genuine emotion than the rest of the record. It’s too bad more sincerity wasn’t spread around — this album could have been more than a collection of songs that panders to pop-rock hungry listeners. – TP

Heart Like a Levee – Hiss Golden Messenger

The sixth LP from MC Taylor, a.k.a. Hiss Golden Messenger, jumps between stripped down folk ballads and fast-paced alternative country tunes. However, it’s the quieter songs that are the highlights from the album.

Lyrically, this album takes from the trials and tribulations of a full-time musician, which is apparently not as glamorous as it’s thought to be. Take the self-titled track: it’s an alternative country ballad fraught with feelings of self-loathing, with lines like, “Do you hate me, honey / As much as I hate myself?”

It’s the slow-paced ballads where the band shines, since there’s so much emotional strife in the subject matter. While the band succeeds with most songs, some of the instrumentally denser songs don’t feel as fleshed out as the simpler tracks.

With some fantastic tracks, Hiss Golden Messenger proves that a simpler song can convey a much more powerful message. – CR

COMIC: Pun 2,3

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COMIC: The Joke Train

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SFSS Byelection Update

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Presidents! Who they are? What are they running on? Have they been the president yet? Do they think Willie Desjardins should be fired?

Larissa Chen

larissa_web

The prior VP Student Services for the SFSS, as well as the interim president for the board since Deepak stepped down. She’s focusing her campaign around her experience on board as interim president, and is looking for students to choose her to continue and finish the year strong as president. She doesn’t follow hockey, so she has no stance on Willie Desjardins.

Darien Lechner

deriannew

The dark horse candidate, having no experience on board before (although he joined the Advocacy Committee after losing the presidential race in the spring general election). Biggest issues are transparency on board, and taking a closer look at Build SFU and the accompanying levy. He thinks that Desjardins should be fired if the Canucks lose to the Leafs, but if they win we should have another look after Christmas.

Deepak Sharma

potatopakrgb

The last elected president, who had to resign a month in after he didn’t enroll in any classes. He wants to earn back students’ trust and respect, and repeatedly insisted he wants to fulfill the commitment he intended when he was first elected. He believes that Willie Desjardins is doing the best he can, and the fanbase should remain faithful and see the season through.

The Debates 

Vancouver debate

The only candidate who showed up on time was faculty of environment rep candidate Supreet Malhi, although Lechner did show up late. However, this was a better showing than the student body — no one showed up.

Surrey debate

Attendance was much better in Surrey, as far as both students and candidates were concerned. All the aforementioned candidates were there, as well as Thadoe Wai, the other candidate for enviro. rep. The debate ran the full two hours, as the question period for presidential candidates was peppered with question after question. Topics ranged from the stadium closure to board transparency to the individual circumstances behind everyone running.

Lechner showed signs of life by taking some shots at his running mates, at one point saying, “You’re not going to get a real answer from other candidates.”

After not showing up to the previous debate and submitting his platform late, Sharma came on time this time around. He said several times that he wanted to earn back the trust of students and wanted to fulfill the commitment he made to them. This is in contrast to Sharma’s only choosing to run in the byelection at the last minute, which would explain his absences and late submissions.   

Chen seemed the coolest under all the pressure, sticking to her speaking points and constantly referring to her experience on board, and telling students to trust that if they feel they are getting value for what they are paying, the Board of Directors is doing right by them. This came after several inquiries about the Board’s decisions and operations, spurred by the Build SFU project and stadium cancellation.

What’s Next?

The campaigning period ends this week, with the final debate taking place Wednesday November 9 at 12:30 p.m. on Burnaby Mountain. Students should expect posters to plaster the walls by then, as Sharma’s challenge to go paperless (made a week into the campaign, after the other candidates had ordered posters) fell on deaf ears. The voting will take place the week after, from the 15th to the 17th.