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SFSS’s Emergency Food Bank Program receives additional funding from SFU

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For the 2017–18 fiscal year, Simon Fraser University has pledged to contribute more funding to the Simon Fraser Student Society’s (SFSS) Emergency Food Bank Program. This will allow the student society to support more undergraduate students on campus who are unable to make food purchases due to financial burdens.

     The Emergency Food Bank Program is a service run by the SFSS where undergraduate students can request monetary assistance for buying food during times of emergencies. According to the student society’s website, undergraduate students are eligible to apply for a maximum of three food certificates per semester, valued at $25 each; these certificates can be redeemed at SFU Burnaby and SFU Woodwards’ Nesters Market, SFU Burnaby’s Dining Hall, and SFU Surrey’s Safeway.

     SFSS President Hangue Kim, stated that in 2016 and 2017, the Emergency Food Bank Program saw a loss of $3,965 and $14,683, respectively, and the growing deficit is due to the increased usage and demand from SFU students. The program, historically, has had a budget of approximately $32,000 since its inception in 2013, according to Kim.

     “We believe that use of the food bank program is driven by students finding it increasingly difficult to ‘make ends meet’ due to the costs associated with their education, including tuition, books, shelter, food, clothing, and transportation,” said Kim.

     Even with the increased funding from SFU, the society is expecting a forecasted loss of $8,800 for the 2017–18 fiscal year, he added.

     Erin Biddlecombe, director of operations, planning, and projects also stated that in light of the “compelling information compiled by the SFSS, [the university has] increased this year’s support to $20,000 [from their historical amount of $16,000 per year].”

     Biddlecombe also mentioned that SFU students can access Embark’s Food Rescue Program outside of the Emergency Food Bank Program whereas masters and PhD students specifically can access the Graduate Student Society’s Emergency Grocery Card Program.

     The student society’s website states that the Emergency Food Bank Program is currently funded by a student levy, where full-time and part-time students are contributing 25 cents and 13 cents per student, respectively.

     Moreover, the university and the student society have agreed to co-fund a $20,000 research project dedicated to food security, as well as identifying the financial burdens faced by students. The timeline and specifics of the project are still being determined by both parties, said Kim. “The food insecurity research that we will be conducting will help us more clearly understand the increase in demand that we have been seeing,” he concluded.

Lady Bird almost depicts teen angst too well

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(Image courtesy of A24)

By: Yelin Gemma Lee

This year’s Golden Globe for best motion picture in the musical or comedy category was awarded to Lady Bird and I have some things to say about it. It’s an undeniable fact that it is quite a brilliant film, so I am not particularly upset about this win (although I think Best Picture for musical or comedy should have been given to The Greatest Showman — which made me feel emotions that I didn’t know I could feel). Along with Best Picture, the leading actress of the film Saoirse Ronan won the Golden Globe for Best Actress – Musical or Comedy, and got nominated for two other Golden Globes. So Lady Bird is, to say the least, kind of a big deal in film this year. As much as I acknowledge this . . . I think I hated it.

     While watching this movie I felt really, really old . . . and I’m fucking 21 years old. It also made me cringe maybe 57 times because of the following elements: Catholic symbolism, high school life, bad relationships with parents . . . yikes. Basically all of the things that I am never lying in my bed at 2 a.m. thinking, “Wow, I want to relive that.”

     The Catholic symbolism and references are so prominent in this movie that there is a fucking crucifix in the movie poster. Everything ties back to Catholicism in this movie. At one point, Ronan’s character is drawn back to the church after a near-death experience with alcohol poisoning, then she leaves the church and decides to call her home to make amends. This is a horrifically realistic depiction of what it’s like to grow up submerged in Catholicism, as I did, and thinking back on it made my skin crawl.

     The second-hand embarrassment, oh goodness gracious, was so real. This is a real life high school human, with all the popularity castes, the hot boys that are actually awful, heartbreaks left and right, and a chain of endless bad decisions that are never worthwhile. It made me quite uncomfortable how relatable and approachable this movie was.

     Although these are the reasons why I hated this movie, these are also the same exact reasons why I liked this movie. It showed the true mess and the beauty of teenage adolescence — the gross reality of puberty and angst, as well as the charm of being carefree and foolish. The scene where the protagonist Lady Bird gets high in her kitchen with her friends and tries to hide it from her mother made me think of my own first experience getting stoned and giggling excessively at nothing. I didn’t know I wanted to relive that first experience again, but Lady Bird provided it. See what I mean by this movie made me feel old? The acting in this movie was no short of brilliant, especially of Saoirse Ronan who played the role of bratty, dreamy teenager so well. Wow, did I ever hate-love that character.

     In short, this movie is worth watching so long as you’re OK with an ending that will leave you saying, “Wait what? That’s it?” and the cringe-worthy feelings of realizing “wow . . . that’s a teenager alright.” It shows the truth of a life that I know too well: being from a poor family in a small Catholic town and feeling like an outcast — and feeling like if you don’t belong, you will never make it in this world. On some level I believe this movie resonated with the general public and touched each individual in a unique way, and that makes my original hatred for this movie a little bit more like love.

When the Guests Are Not Looking: the Audain Gallery’s freshest art installation

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This installation seeks to provide an artistic experience that goes beyond the visual. (Photo courtesy of M. Brunelle)

By: Aritro Mukhopadhyay

This new installation and performance piece showcasing the works of Richard Ibghy and Marilou Lemmens explores the audience’s relationship with art itself. Awfully contemporary for its time, When the Guests Are Not Looking delves into the economics of our materialist lives and holds up a mirror to modern-day productivity.

     The project extends its roots from a conversation on productivity and idleness between a philosopher and a vagabond that happens to be a part of a book named Rameau’s Nephew by Denis Diderot. This 18th-century satirical text is known to have sown the seeds of the present-day discourse on productivity. So as to manifest the true nature of a performative installation, student actors will embody the character of the vagabond, giving spontaneous performances. As a result, different visitors will see different parts of the performances, or none at all. In fact, visitors might not even realize that what they are seeing is a performance. Thematically speaking, When the Guests Are Not Looking portrays the social demand for individuals to shape themselves within the conditions of today’s mass-production economy. This exhibition is 2018’s first exposition for SFU Galleries and is definitely an event that would be a shame to miss.

The Audain Gallery (located at the Goldcorp Centre for the Arts) will accommodate this installation from January 20 to February 3.

SFU hockey rebound with 5–2 win over UVIC

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Mark Coletta (right) has been SFU hockey's head coach since 2008. (Photo courtesy of SFU hockey)

By: Dylan Webb

SFU hockey responded to their tough loss against the streaking Spartans with a win over the University of Victoria (UVIC) Vikes Friday night at Bill Copeland Sports Centre. An offensive outburst in the first four minutes of the game gave the Clan all they needed to secure the win. Mathew Berry-Lamontagna scored the game-winning goal at 15:58 of the first period, as SFU, despite taking a bunch of penalties throughout the game, were too much for the Vikes.

The story of the game was the first four minutes of the first period in which, led by captain Brandon Tidy’s goal and assist, the Clan shocked the visiting team with an explosive start that the Vikes would never recover from. Tidy, the eventual first star of the game, opened the scoring just over a minute in which prompted the floodgates to open. By the time a quarter of the first period was complete, the Clan had a 3–0 lead, the eventual game-winning goal had been scored and, most importantly, SFU had set a tone of dominance.

The second period saw a one-sided parade to the penalty box in which SFU took seven consecutive penalties including a game misconduct. However, unlike the game against the Spartans the night before, in which power play goals against cost the team an opportunity to win the game, the Clan weathered the penalty storm. They successfully killed all the second-period penalties except one to maintain their lead and dominance heading into the third period.

The Clan continued to seek the confines of the sin bin throughout the third period with the team eventually taking a total of six more penalties throughout the third. Despite the win, this is one area the Clan will need to improve on as they ramp up their efforts to chase down the Selkirk Saints for second place in the league and home ice advantage in the playoffs. Despite giving up another power play goal in the third period, the Clan responded with a power play marker of their own to maintain the lead they would ride out for a much-needed rebound victory. By the end of the game, Simon Fraser had taken 13 penalties, but scored on almost 30% of the shots they took in the game. In other words, there were some areas of play that were in need of some significant improvement embedded within the all-important winning effort.   

Between the pipes, Lyndon Stanwood had a solid game, as the Clan were actually outshot 21–17 in the contest, in what was Stanwood’s fifteenth start of the season. The team continues to rely heavily on Stanwood as the stretch drive for the playoffs gets started. No other goalie in the league has started more games than Stanwood (15) and his play has consistently been a factor in the Clan having a chance to win every time they step on the ice.

The UVIC Vikes have struggled mightily this season after winning the league championship last year, and are now 3–11–1 on the year. With the loss, the Vikes fell further out of playoff contention and now have a hill to climb in chasing down the Vancouver Island University Mariners as they cement the likelihood of a berth in the playoffs in their inaugural season. With the win, Simon Fraser takes the season series with UVIC and remains competitive with the Selkirk Saints for second place in the British Columbia Intercollegiate Hockey League with what is now a 10–6–0 record. The Clan is back at it next weekend as they hit the road for games against Eastern Washington and Selkirk.

World News Beat

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By: Nathaniel Tok

Vancouver to host Korea talks

Representatives from 20 nations will attend a conference in Vancouver to discuss how to forestall North Korea’s nuclear ambitions. The talks comes as tensions on the peninsula ease following talks between North and South Korea and a North Korean agreement to participate in the Olympics. A challenge to the Vancouver gathering will be the lack of Chinese participation. There are concerns on how much can be done without China. China is North Korea’s key ally and trading partner and has great influence over Pyongyang. Russia will also not attend the talks, though both nations will be briefed on the proceedings.

With files from Reuters.

 

Heavy snowfall isolates alps ski resort

Skiers in the Alps were affected by unusually heavy snowfall. Up to one metre of snow fell within a single 24-hour period alone in some regions, and slopes were closed for skiing as the avalanche risk reached the highest level in almost 10 years. At least one skier is missing from Tignes, a French ski resort. In the Swiss ski resort Zermatt, more than 13,000 tourists were trapped after the heavy snowfall cut off villages and towns in the region. Despite this, tourists at the resort were reported to be in good spirits. Some even considered the atmosphere “romantic.”

With files from BBC News.

 

Ritz Paris hotel robbed

Five robbers armed with axes smashed windows and stole jewelry worth more than $5 million from the Ritz Paris hotel, according to police. Three men have been arrested as the heist was interrupted by a police patrol while the rest got away on a motorized scooter. A bag was also recovered which might contain some of the stolen goods. Both the city’s police commissioner and the French Interior Minister Gérard Collomb praised the police officers for their quick reaction. Armed robberies targeting stores are not unheard of in the wealthy Place Vendôme square area of Paris where the Ritz is located.

With files from Reuters and BBC News.

 

Hawaii missile warning sent in error

An emergency alert was issued mistakenly to Hawaii’s residents by state authorities warning of a missile threat. State government and the US military confirmed there was no threat. Hawaii Governor David Ige called the incident “totally unacceptable.” The Emergency Management Agency reported that the mistake was due to human error and inadequate fail-safe measures. The agency took 38 minutes to issue a new statement retracting the warning, and is now taking steps to prevent another false warning occurrence. One of the new fail-safe measures requires having two employees to issue a threat — the second employee to confirm the threat issued by the first. The warning was sent amid tensions with North Korea over missile threats.

With files from Reuters.

Logan Paul’s sheer exploitation of suicide victims is the worst

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Logan Paul is a 22-year-old mega-vlogger and YouTuber. He’s racked up over 15 million subscribers with daily vlogs and music videos. On December 31, Paul uploaded a vlog of himself in a cartoonish hat and sweatshirt, and his friends at Aokigahara, a “haunted” forest in Japan. It’s colloquially called the “suicide forest.”

The thumbnail features a blurred-out corpse. The tone is inappropriately silly and light-hearted; they enter the forest joking about Gucci jackets, apples, and Americans. Upon discovering the body, the group expresses shock, but they don’t turn off the camera and leave. They move closer.

When one group member expresses that he “doesn’t feel good,” Logan responds with, “What, what? You never stood next to a dead guy?” then dissolves into giggles. His friends also joke about the situation. Eventually, they leave and alert authorities. Other YouTubers and viewers quickly responded to the video, reflecting on their own and family members’ struggles with mental health, expressing disgust at the exploitation of a suicide victim, and worrying about how this would affect Paul’s younger fan base.

Many disputed Paul’s claim that he intended to raise awareness about mental health issues and support suicide prevention. Fellow YouTuber Casey Neistat called the vlogger’s bluff, saying that he should donate to suicide prevention organizations and give airtime on his channel to suicide prevention PSAs if he actually wants to make meaningful contributions.

Logan Paul used a suicide victim’s corpse as a prop to get more views. He disrespected not only a specific suicide victim, but all suicide victims, people who struggle with suicidal thoughts, the location he was in, and Japan in general.

It’s not OK to laugh, joke, and swear in a video like this. Don’t joke about your Gucci jacket and Fiji water as you enter a place where people go to kill themselves. When viewers struggling with suicidal thoughts see a famous YouTuber joking about suicide, they may see their own battles reduced to a joke, dissuading them from seeking help.

Moreover, it is inappropriate to visit a sensitive location in a foreign country and act the way Paul did. He seems not to realize what a huge and delicate issue suicide is in Japan, and is probably uneducated on the cultural factors and stigmatization that play into the issue.

Suicide rates in Japan are shockingly high — the sixth highest in the world. 19.5 people per 100,000 Japanese citizens kill themselves (compared to 11.3 Canadian citizens) and suicide is the leading cause of death among people in the 15–39 age group.

There are a few Japanese-specific cultural factors that may be influencing the suicide rates. There are historical precedents, such as the traditional honourable suicide used by samurais, that demonstrate how a less critical view of suicide may have evolved over time, given its past symbolism as a way to die with dignity. Other factors include the economic downturn that has left many Japanese citizens unemployed and a general permissive attitude towards killing oneself.

Japanese culture does not consider suicide immoral or sinful the way many countries dominated by Christianity and similar religions do. Suicide is sometimes seen as a “rational” choice when faced with incredible difficulties. It’s also a taboo topic, and many Japanese citizens suffer in silence until it’s too late.

Near the end of the video, an official informs Paul that the area he was in is restricted and he wasn’t supposed to be there. Paul’s response leads me to think that he doesn’t care, and possibly already knew that, and chose to  disrespect those rules. It’s just another sign of his blatant, continuous disrespect.

It’s not impossible for YouTubers to discuss suicide respectfully. Alasdair McLeod published a video in 2014 showing some clips from his trip to Aokigahara. The video is sombre and thoughtful. In the description, the YouTuber writes a narrative of his experience. No jokes are made. A woman is shown, but she is alive, possibly grieving or thinking. Her presence is acknowledged but not dwelled upon.

VICE’s video on the Suicide Forest in Japan, published May 2012, includes a trigger warning, a local expert, and an overall reverent, informative, and hopeful tone. Indecisive victims, as well as relevant parts of Japanese culture, are mentioned. Dead bodies are shown, but not exploitatively or disrespectfully, and only briefly.

TFIL published an hour-long video exploring the forest. While doing so, they encounter a dead body, but they chose not to show it on camera. The group seems well-informed of the culture and customs, and though they banter and swear, they avoid directly disrespecting suicide victims.

(Are you taking notes, Logan Paul?)

To be clear, trigger warnings, a respectful tone, and being knowledgeable of local culture and customs are all good. Exploiting suicide victims, furthering a horrible reputation for American tourists in foreign places and generally acting like a dumbass is bad.

New Music Friday

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(Linda Shu / The Peak)

By: Danielle Davie, Solomon Etuk, Natasha Tar, Courtney Miller, and Gabrielle McLaren

“God Save Our Young Blood” — BØRNS, Lana Del Rey

Danielle Davie: I think this song is quite enjoyable. It has a lot of elements that work really well together, and I really like the contrast between the verses and the chorus. It also has just the right amount of Lana Del Rey.

Solomon Etuk: Nice synths, pretty smoothly produced. Never thought I would hear BØRNS and Lana on one track, but they actually fit well together.

Natasha Tar: I don’t care. This song is nothing.

Courtney Miller: I mean I don’t hate this yet? It’s fairly mellow and inoffensive, tbh. Maybe I like it? It does get a bit repetitive in the middle though, but otherwise, I could be okay if this came on in public.

Gabrielle McLaren: This would play in the last ten minutes of a Grey’s Anatomy episode when they recap who died and who is angsty.  

“SaySayMaley” – Olamide

DD: This song makes me want to dance. It’s neat, but I think it would be more enjoyable if I knew the language they were singing in so I could sing along (I’ll probably still sing along).

SE: Being Nigerian myself, I’m a LITTLE biased towards this track. It’s a bumpin’ track, and reminds me of the motherland, so it’s 10/10!

NT: A fun time.

CM: The rhythm is fantastic, and it’s probably better that I don’t know what’s being said. I can dig it.

GM: If this song can put a smile on my face at ass-o’clock, it’s a winner.

“You Got to Show Me” – TheColorGrey

DD: This one isn’t really my thing. The lyrics are so cheesy in the hook, I just can’t get into it. It is very catchy though, so it will probably be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

SE: Pretty repetitive. I feel like I’ve heard this instrumental before. The guitars are nice though.

NT: IT’S A SONG ABOUT THE MEME. “Do u know da wey.”

CM: ………………. How do I put this………. No………. Like it’s not awful, but life is too short.

GM: Tapping out.

“Often” – Devontée

DD: The background is really cool. I think I would rather listen to that alone than with the drums and vocals. Also, at four minutes and 16 seconds, this song seems unnecessarily long.

SE: Instrumental is very nice. The vibes of the song remind me of Future’s DS2.

NT: Hmm. Starts off very magical and dissolves from there.

CM: No. “Why don’t you come” and not use autotune to death.

GM: I liked the ad that played before the song better. The background alone would be cool as some spacey study music, but apparently we can’t have nice things.

“Only One” – Tekno

DD: This one is chill. It’s easy to listen to and is enjoyable overall.

SE: Another Nigerian artist! It’s a pretty generic Nigerian pop song, but still a head bopper.

NT:

CM: I agree, it’s chill, but aside from being Nigerian, we’ve heard this track many times before.

GM: Yeah, it’s a little bit vanilla, but sometimes that’s what you want.  

“Why” – anders

DD: I liked this one as soon as it started; I think the unusual sounds are really cool. Without them, I wouldn’t like it nearly as much. I also really liked the ending.

SE: Considering the content of the song, the cover art is fitting. Very catchy hook, and a nice outro as well.

NT: Eh, this isn’t that bad.

CM: What the fuck is this intro. “Why’re you so mad at me?” I’ll give you three guesses and that’s being generous.

GM: ‘Kay.

“FTW (F**k The World) – A$AP Rocky, Tom Morello

DD: I would never have thought I’d hear A$AP Rocky and Tom Morello together, but then again, I also never expected to hear A$AP Rocky and Rod Stewart together. I’d rather listen to Rage Against the Machine and A$AP Rocky separately though.

SE: Tom Morello and A$AP Rocky? Never saw that one coming. They almost blend well together in this song.

NT: Wut. At least it was a short song.

CM: I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. This is just bad, like, it’s so dissonant and trash can sounding.

GM: ?

“She Loves Control” – Camila Cabello

DD: It’s not a bad song, but it’s nothing new.

SE: This is 200 times better than “Havana.”

NT: This is 400 times worse than most songs?

CM: I agree with Solomon, except like, more emphatically.

GM: If this song was a Timbit, it would be vanilla glaze. Meh.

“King’s Dead” – Jay Rock, Kendrick Lamar, Future, James Blake

DD: I like how this starts with Kendrick, and I think it’s enjoyable overall. I wish I heard more James Blake in it. A few minutes in it totally switches gears, which is cool, and it ends really well.

SE: This song slaps. James Blake should of had a bigger part, but he does the beat switch justice. Future’s verse is officially the funniest verse of 2018.

NT: How about no.

CM: No. First, I have no idea who’s who, but going off of Danielle, Kendrick Lamar just dropped fifteen spots on my list of favourite Kendricks. And again, I only know two.

GM: I’m actually at peace with this one.

“Feel The Love Go – Edit” – Franz Ferdinand

DD: I only know “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand, and this is nowhere near as good. I think the vocals aren’t mixed very well, and aren’t very strong.

SE: Makes me want to dance . . . but in a goofy way. I really like the sax at the end.

NT: It’s not a great song, but the music video is a good meme.

CM: This has that weird ‘80s vibe where the music video makes you uncomfortable because it’s just so weird and WTF.

UPDATE: There is a music video and it does make me uncomfortable.

GM: Can’t focus on the song, too busy processing the group name ‘Franz Ferdinand’ and imagining the process that leads you to name your group after the immediate cause of the bloodiest and first total war.

“London (Remix)” – Lethal Bizzle, Chip

DD: This one immediately made me smile. I can’t say it’s good, but I could see myself getting into it at a party.

SE: Some solid grime. Bopped my head viciously to the beat! Lethal Bizzle’s flow is great as well.

NT: Hmm . . . nope.

CM: That vocal run at the beginning was the best part of this song.

GM: The intro was “Disney made a movie set in a haunted house in which you had to associate with the quirky vampire” and then went downhill.

“Güz” – Güvenç Dağüstün & Ece Dağısta

DD: I can’t say I’d ever go out of my way to listen to this, but it is a nice song. It sounds like it should be in a movie.

SE: A very sweet and soft song. I love the harmony of it as well.

NT: A beautiful song to mourn how shitty this playlist was.

CM: This has that cinematic feel, where the (probably) white leads are slow dancing in a ballroom or something but everyone knows heartbreak is coming.

GM: Yes. I don’t care what they’re saying, I agree. People could ice dance to this. I love it, I love the piano, I love the guy’s voice, I’m going to go learn Turkish.

Six player Clan nearly pull off miraculous comeback against Central Washington

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Kendal Sands pictured about to release the ball for a shot.
A close look at three veteran players and the skills they plan to bring to the team this season. Paul Yates

On Thursday night, the SFU women’s basketball team travelled to Ellensburg, Washington to take on the Central Washington University (CWU) Wildcats in a Great Northwest Athletic Conference (GNAC) matchup. The Clan began the game with only seven players, as freshman Jessica Jones did not dress in the contest. In the second quarter, Nicole Vander Helm was forced to leave the game with an injury, shortening SFU’s rotation to just six players.

Prior to the injury, however, the Clan was struggling. A buzzer beater by freshman Kendall Sands kept SFU from a single-digit-scoring first quarter, but they went into the second down 20–11.

The second quarter didn’t start much better, as an 8–0 run by Central Washington gave the home team a 32–16 lead halfway through the quarter. After Vander Helm’s injury with roughly three minutes to go in the half, the Clan narrowed the deficit to 12. They went into the break down 37–25, with only six players available to play the second half.

Despite the injury, Vander Helm was the leading scorer of the game for the first half. She had nine points on 3–7 shooting, including one three-pointer. Vander Helm is averaging 12.9 points per game so far this season.

Her presence was missed in the third quarter, as the Clan continued to struggle against their opponent. They lost the quarter 25–16, and went into the fourth quarter down 62–41. At this point, it looked like SFU was in for a blowout loss.

For National Basketball Association fans, what SFU did against CWU, although it ultimately ended in a loss, is similar to what the Toronto Raptors did against the Golden State Warriors earlier this month. They made a game out of it when all things looked against them entering the fourth quarter.

After an opening layup by Central Washington’s Taylor Baird, the Clan went on a 9–0 run to cut the deficit to 14. They continued to chip away, finally cutting the deficit to single digits after a three-pointer by point guard Tayler Drynan made the score 71–62. With less than a minute to go, two straight baskets by SFU’s Tia Tsang cut the deficit to four, the closest the Clan had been since the 2:18 mark in the first quarter. Despite the heroics, the team would fall short, as CWU free throws down the stretch gave the home team the 77–71 win.

SFU’s Sophie Swant led the game with 19 points, aided by a perfect 10–10 from the free throw line. Claudia Hart came off the bench for 14 points on an efficient 5–6 shooting from the field and 4–4 from the free throw line. Drynan was the only other SFU player in double digit scoring, finishing the game with 10 points and seven assists.

With the loss, the Clan is now 3–6 in GNAC play so far this season, and 8–9 overall. Their next game is Saturday at 6 p.m. in Nampa, Idaho as they play Northwest Nazarene University.

EX-MAS

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Illustration by Emma Wu

Christmas is pretty much that special someone who dumped you after cuffing season ended. Now, it’s time to grieve.  Instead of the 12 days of Christmas, here are the 12 ways to get over it.

1) Eat only non-Christmas foods

Begin January by creating a diet consisting of the opposite of Christmas foods. If you spent December stuffing yourself with stuffing, turkey, roast beef, pie, eggnog, etc., then switch to stuff like ice cream, pasta, watermelon, pizza, and cookies (only non-sugar cookies, though). Also, if you have any leftovers from the holiday season, please throw that stuff away — what is it even still doing in your fridge?

2) Take holiday shows off your Netflix My List

How the Grinch Stole Christmas? Remove. Office Christmas Party? Cancelled. The Holiday? Bye. Elf? No. I don’t care if it’s a 96% match, watching a Christmas movie will only bring up painful, sparkly memories of the passed Christmas season.

3) Return any crappy gifts you got

Presents are arguably one of the best things in the world, but sometimes you unwrap that brightly wrapped package to find hand soap, a picture frame, or awkwardly tight underwear. “Thanks for the underwear that I will never ever wear — not even home alone — Aunt Carol. Money would’ve been better, since y’know . . . food, crippling debt . . . but these are nice, too!” I’ve heard you can exchange gifts you don’t want for Skittles, can someone look into that and tell me if it’s real???

4) Don’t speak to any family or friends you saw over the holiday for at least two weeks

The holiday season is a perfect time to see your family, extended relatives, and old friends, but after two weeks of forced family time — being smothered by dysfunction — it might be best to take some time apart and see other people for a little while . . . or just watch Netflix by yourself for an extended period.

5) Avoid the colours red and green (especially together!)

This includes peppers in the produce section, M&Ms, Vincent Van Gogh’s Chair, traffic lights, lizards, glasses of red wine, Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc., and those little mint candies they sometimes give you with your bill in restaurants like the Old Spaghetti Factory.

6) Buy all the discount holiday candy

I guarantee you that getting a box of chocolate for 50 per cent to 75 per cent off will make you feel better about going back to school after the holidays. Per rule five, though, remove all Christmas-y foils and wrappings so you don’t get reminded of the holidays and get sad again.

7) Practice cringing in the mirror for when you’ll inevitably hear holiday jingles or songs still being played

We all know that there’s going to be some radio station or some shopping mall that tries to drag the Christmas carols past Boxing Day and New Year’s Eve. As joyful as “Santa Baby” and “All I Want for Christmas Is You” are, you have to pretend you hate those wonderful tunes if you’re ever going to get over Christmas. Follow my lead: make a face like you’re smelling something foul, turn slowly to each side, increase the severity of your face, and finally, look up to locate an imaginary speaker to unleash your anger upon.

8) Write a letter of complaint to Santa Claus

It’s just like when you were a kid, except now you’re taking time to reflect on the presents you wanted and didn’t get, the dwindling funds in your bank account, and this miserable post-holiday feeling you can’t shake. Bonus points if it’s an actual handwritten letter.

9) Take down all decorations and lights

As a symbol of grieving and an upcoming season of darkness (aka: midterms — they’re closer than you think), take down all the sparkly and shiny things in your home. Seeing a Christmas tree or sparkling red and gold lights will only trigger memories of a . . . happier time . . .

10) Unfollow/unfriend those who insist on plastering social media with happy holiday photos

This one is especially beneficial if you find yourself alone during this time. Social media is a horrible and depressing influence for the other eleven months of the year, but it’s especially bad during and after the jolly holiday.

11) Cry

This one might actually make you feel better.

12) Focus on the next big holiday: Valentine’s Day! (or Reading Break!!!)

If you’re a fan of Valentine’s Day, think of hearts, romantic dinners, chocolate, flowers, and spending time with someone you love. If you’re single, bitter about love (which, like, same), or just not into the holiday, let images of Netflix binges and no homework dance in your head.

 

SFU hockey lose 4–1 to rival Trinity Western

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The Clan are now 1–4 against Trinity Western so far this season. (Photo courtesy of SFU Hockey)

By: Dylan Webb

On Thursday, January 18, the SFU hockey team made their last trip of the regular season to the Langley Events Centre for a game that had important playoff and rivalry implications. Facing the Trinity Western University (TWU) Spartans, SFU failed to repeat the consistent 60-minute effort that, before Thursday night, had them unbeaten in 2018.

In a tight checking first period that offered only a couple quality scoring chances either way, most notably a crossbar hit by SFU early on that would have benefitted from video review, defence took over and the score sheet remained blank. SFU had a five-on-three power play attempt last only four seconds as numerous overlapping penalties were called in the middle of the frame.

The Spartans opened the scoring early in the second period, tapping in a rebound for a power play tally. The score was 1–0 going into the third period.

The Spartans would cement their win in the third period, although SFU’s Ian Mackey, taking home third star, made it close early with his third goal of the season. TWU’s Dylan Sakatch had two points in the third period in which all the goals of the game but one were scored. By the end of the game, Simon Fraser had taken seven penalties and given up one power play goal, which prevented them from building momentum five on five. TWU would go on to win 4–1.

In net, Lyndon Stanwood had a solid game for SFU, saving 28–31 shot attempts in the contest despite the loss before an empty net goal by TWU sealed their fate. Stanwood continues to anchor an SFU team that had been on a tear since the spring semester began until the loss to TWU.

SFU and TWU have played extremely close games all season and the rivalry would certainly make for an entertaining playoff series. With the loss, Simon Fraser gives up the season series with TWU, but they remain in the thick of competing with the Spartans and Selkirk for the top two spots in the British Columbia Intercollegiate Hockey League with a 9–6–0 record.  

The Clan are back at it Friday night as they host the University of Victoria Vikes — the team that knocked them out of the playoffs last year and proceeded to win the league championship. SFU looks to clinch a win in the season series over the Vikes and extend their winning streak to five games on home ice. Puck drop is 7 p.m. at the Bill Copeland Arena.