We go over some of the SFU-related events that occurred over the past month.
New Music Friday
By: Danielle Davie, Courtney Miller, Aritro Mukhopadhyay, and Natasha Tar
“Magic” – Sia
Danielle Davie: This doesn’t do much for me.
Aritro Mukhopadhyay: It’s kind of generic.
Courtney Miller: “I’ve been waiting for a magic moment” for this whole song. Generally a fan-ish of Sia, but, ehh.
Natasha Tar: I’ve never liked Sia, but this isn’t as bad as her other stuff.
“Fadjamou (remix)” – Oumou Sangare, Tony Allen, St Germain
DD: It was nearly two minutes until this song did anything different, and even then it was stagnant. The last two minutes were different from the first three, but I still wish it did more.
AM: I don’t really listen to this kind of music, although if I had understood the tongue then perhaps it could have been different.
CM: The first part started strong, but yeah, after a minute or two of the same kinda thing it got a little boring. Doesn’t seem like a good remix.
NT: I feel like the original might have been better? Maybe it’s the remix that screwed it up.
“Athletes World” – So Loki
DD: It’s not terrible, but it is very generic.
AM: Catchy trap with unique theme and intent choices.
CM: The music sounded pretty good and then the lyrics started and everything went downhill from there. Generic AF.
NT: GROSS.
“Loup Garou” – Maître Gims, Sofiane
DD: This went a lot harder than I thought it would based on the opening chords. I’m into it. I would like it more if I could understand what they were saying though.
AM: Even though I don’t understand a word, the song is intense. Although after a bit of Googling, it seems to be about weed and unappreciated rappers, what a shocker.
CM: Yes, angry French. Other than that, the intensity is the only thing this song has going for it, tbh.
NT: GROSS but in French.
“Company” – The Proud Sons
DD: In the beginning I thought it would be a little more folk and a little less country. I think that I would have liked it more if it had used more folk elements.
AM: A good old rock and roll number mashed with a country lead.
CM: Yes, I’m about this life. Those harmonies are 🔥🔥🔥.
NT: Oh look, a country song! Surprise! If New Music Friday playlists are any indicator of the music scene, new country music hasn’t come out in about 20 years.
“Pink Lemonade” – James Bay
DD: This is by far my favourite on the playlist. It’s more upbeat than his work on Chaos and the Calm, and I really dig it!
AM: A must-have in your transit music playlist. Imagine yourself in a speeding 1960s Impala (preferably maroonish red with some rust), barren land on both sides, overcast and windy weather with miles ahead of you. The song also has a the F-16s kind of a vibe.
CM: The beat is pretty chill and there’s a lot of bass, but if I want ‘60s music, like, I’ll just listen to ‘60s music? They did it better and earlier. I mean, it’s fine though, I guess.
NT: The best thing about James Bay is his signature hat.
“La Même” – Maître Gims, Vianney
DD: I like this more than I thought I would when it started. I can understand some words from my very limited French knowledge. I wish I knew more.
AM: I like this song more than the previous one by Maître Gims. It’s got a nice ring to it.
CM: This is better than the last one, but also, why do they get double-billing?
NT: Better because it’s not rap.
“Morning is Coming” – Sting, Shaggy
DD: I heard “Angel” by Shaggy on the radio today. That was my jam back in the day! This one will never be my jam.
AM: I wish I was on a beach with some lemonade under a cool blue sky. This song reeks of the above.
CM: Why the fuck is Sting on here.
NT: This is pretty cheesy for reggae.
“Over and Over and Over” – Jack White
DD: I feel like high school me would have loved this.
AM: Perfect head-banging material.
CM: Yep, this is Jack White. The guitar is the best part here, otherwise pass.
NT: Yep, this is Jack White. The guitar is a Jack White guitar, Courtney, of course it’s the best part.
“Supercut (remix)” – Lorde, El-P, Run the Jewels
DD: I saw Lorde and Run the Jewels last week. Lorde was amazing. RTJ taught me that all bands should probably say their band name in their songs a minimum of 10 times. This remix was sick though. The perfect amount of the original song combined with something new.
AM: Chill, yet intense. There’s something about this remix that makes me feel like a tempest is about to strike, but you will want to listen to it over and over again.
CM: This sounds like it’s from a weird dungeon level on a video game. As far as remixes go, it’s not the worst I’ve heard. But 1:40 in, it goes too far.
NT: Yeah, I definitely get the video game vibe, too. And then it went rap, and everything good was ruined and eradicated.
“Loving Arms” – Ady Suleiman
DD: I don’t like this very much. It’s so generic.
AM: A feel good number for when the lights are dim and the wine is expensive.
CM: This is the generic you get in a Spotify ad. Vocals are clean, but that track is so dull.
NT: It’s like a white piece of paper.
Drop caps demo
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How to be ready for the weather at SFU
By: Tiffany Chang
What to do when it’s raining cats and dogs
It seems impossible to stay dry when it is pouring outside ALL the time. Apparently the clouds have minds of their own since they just randomly choose to excrete their not-so-glorious liquid onto us students whenever and wherever. Maybe they’re actually shedding tears for us miserable university students? While we can appreciate their sympathy, sometimes we aren’t prepared for it. Everyone knows that showing up to school in a simple raincoat and holding an umbrella doesn’t do the trick. SOOO . . . why not use a tarp? Tarps are great! If they work for tents during camping trips, they’ll definitely be an awesome way to prevent yourself from being soaked to the bone by the end of the school day! Simply set up a job description on websites like Indeed or LinkedIn and hire other young people who are in desperate need of work to hold up the tarp for you as you walk to class! Try it!
When there is 12 feet of snow
Ah yes, snow! SFU students’ indisputable number one enemy! If TransLink and SFU fail us again and you have to trek down the mountain yourself, here are a few options:
- Snowshoes: Forget those heavy ol’ snow boots which mostly collect dust at the back of your mudroom closet! They are clearly no match for the insane SFU weather disasters, and the weight of them will just slow you down! Snowshoes are the way to go!
- Skis: Hey, it’s faster than walking, isn’t it? Bring your skis! If the next 145 bus isn’t showing up for the next two hours, what have you got to lose? Plus, skiing is great if you want to make your way down the mountain in a fun and efficient manner.
- Flare guns: With what we’ve experienced this past winter, owning a flare gun doesn’t seem like such a bad idea! Since they’re normally used as distress signals, you can use it to send out a not-so-subtle cry for help. It’s also super helpful if your phone dies. Go get one as soon as you can before you forget!
When it’s -50 degrees Celsius
The climate is brutal, no doubt. Even on dry days, (God knows we rarely get any of those) it’s still bloody freezing. Have you ever wanted to know how to truly stay warm? Wait for it . . . here’s the answer . . . bubble wrap! Work with me here — if you wrap yourself in at least five layers of bubble wrap before heading to school, you’ll be protected. Make the measurements, tape the ends, and place the wrap over your regular winter attire — around your arms, legs, neck, and head! You’ll feel as snug as a bug! With all of this gear, you will no longer be at mercy of the elements (or SFU)!
SFU researchers look to improve specialized healthcare

By: Nathaniel Tok, Peak Associate
SFU researcher looks at ways to improve hospital funding
Can changing the way hospitals are funded lead to better care? How can it be done?
Karen Palmer, a SFU health sciences adjunct professor and her team of researchers at the Women’s College Hospital’s Institute for Health Solutions and Virtual Care in Toronto looked at the implications and possibility of using Quality Based Procedures (QBPs) to create “patient-based” funding to replace fixed global budgets.
The team believes QBPs will allow healthcare professionals to provide quality care for a fixed price and encourage more efficient use of resources. Under these procedures, hospitals are paid a set price per episode of care depending on diagnoses or procedures done to cover each patient visit. Specific diagnoses and procedures are accompanied with evidence-based care guidelines.
Implementing funding reform may be challenging, however. The study showed that Ontario’s healthcare leaders did not have common goals for reforming hospital funding. Policy tended to change over time without being carried out due to long implementation time, staff turnover, and the inconsistency of messaging.
Palmer said that discrepancies over the understanding of QBP’s goals and procedure makes policy implementation even harder.
She advocates for Canadian hospitals reforming how funding is implemented through more transparent, collaborative, and intentional methods.
Examining autism spectrum disorder prevalence in BC Indigenous children
SFU psychology professor Grace Iarocci and Romona Baxter from the Nzen’man’ Child and Family Development Centre are heading a new study to allow Indigenous peoples with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) in their communities and families to voice their stories.
The project, titled “Autism and Aboriginal families: Bridging the cultural gap through collective dialogue,” will see researchers examine challenges experienced by the Nlaka’pamux Nation, which lives around the Merritt area.
Researchers will hold a two-day “knowledge gathering event” for the families of children with ASD. The event will allow the families to access “culturally appropriate information” on ASD, including provincial resources. Discussion groups will also be conducted on the topic of the challenges and needs of Indigenous families navigating ASD to look for areas in which research can help create improvements.
The precise prevalence of ASD among Indigenous children in Canada is unknown, but it is thought to be of comparable levels to that of non-Indigenous children in BC.
SFSS How-To Afterword: Stay Connected
Written by Corbett Gildersleve, Alumnus
Each board makes a number of big and small decisions throughout the year. Each of these decisions often have unintended consequences. Sometimes they’re pretty small, but often the next board has to spend considerable time fixing the mistakes of the past. It would be really good if current board members “stuck around” to help clean up their messes, regardless of if they lost the re-election or decided not to run again.
Why should you still be involved, even if you’re not making the decisions? Because as soon-to-be ex-board members, you have the knowledge and experience to help the next board find solutions to lingering issues and navigate their execution. You can provide the rationale behind your past decisions, direct the new board to look at relevant data (if it exists), and provide additional perspectives.
You don’t need a title to have an ethical duty of care where it concerns your successors and your school. That doesn’t end just because you graduate; you’re now an alumnus of the society and a stakeholder in its well-being.
For those not graduating, there are multiple ways in which you can help out. You could sit on Council as a student union representative. You could serve as an At-Large student on six committees: Accessibility, Advocacy, Events, Strategic Engagement, and if you’re taking classes outside of Burnaby, the Surrey and/or Vancouver Campus committees.
But, if you’d rather make space for other students, then mentoring board and/or council members would not be a bad idea. What would that look like? As mentioned earlier, providing insight into past decisions, directing new members to relevant people and information, and pitching ideas on things you couldn’t get done in your year, or new things you come across.
In the last two years, I suggested board members look at applying grants to help fund some of our existing programs, look at converting the Food and Beverage Services into a social enterprise, look at applying Imagine Canada’s non-profit transparency guidelines, and research Participatory Budgeting. Some ideas were looked into, others were not — and that’s OK! Not every idea is feasible, but it’s better to pitch something than not.
Frankly, the SFSS needs a board of advisors that includes past board members who have stayed involved with the nonprofit sector so they can help orient, advise, and mentor the main board. This one-and-done cycle we’re on helps no one.
Now, I understand that not all board members can do this. In some cases, an ex-board member is just too burned out, or their mental and/or physical health has declined significantly. Depression, anxiety, insomnia, and/or substance abuse, are not always uncommon results of serving on the SFSS board.
I myself developed horrible anxiety and insomnia during my year and it took at least another year to “get my head right.” It got so bad at one point that I had to sleep with the lights on because the shadows would cause frightening hallucinations. I never sought help for that. I just tried to “power through it.”
So, if you just can’t be involved, I understand. But, those that can lend a hand and choose not to do so? When there are many safe and healthy ways to stay involved and help out? They’re cowards, and not leaders. The SFSS needs leaders, now more than ever.
Bugs and bones: the most fascinating thing at this school you’ve never heard of
By: Umer Altaf
Unknown to most students and hidden behind the dreary hallways of the Shrum Science Centre, an immaculate organisms collection resides within our university. Magnificently curated and remarkably comprehensive, the Biological Sciences Teaching Collection is likely the most fascinating thing at this school you’ve never heard of. Last week I got a chance to sit down with Tiia Haapalainen, the current teaching and collections technician at the facility, and ask her what exactly they are hiding in this place.

Tiia manages the facility and is responsible for providing teaching support and curating the collection, among other things. Her love for this place and the work that she does is obvious. As she began walking me through the facility, the scope of the endeavour slowly began creeping up on me. Walking past row after after row of shelves filled with countless encasements did little justice to the scale of this place. To expect to have a feel for the facility by simply walking past it was like trying to walk through a bookstore expecting to understand every book: utterly impossible. The exhibits include everything from articulated skeletons, to rare egg shells and nests, to even wholly preserved animals. Entire collection of preserved birds ranging from eagles to swans to owls lay neatly in drawers stacked close to the ceiling. Box after box was stored containing a massive collection of insects ranging from stunning butterflies to skin-crawling beetles. Perhaps most unnerving of all was the quasi-graveyard of skulls and bones collected from majestic predators such as bears, alligators, and yes, even human beings.

Despite the obvious intrigue and allure of this place, however, the collection is almost exclusively used for the purpose of teaching academic labs. With the exception of a few outreach programs, virtually no public access is granted under normal circumstances. This was a rather puzzling finding for me, as I could not imagine a greater ambassador for recruiting in the biological sciences than this facility. Whether they were elementary school children looking at bugs, or prospective majors looking over technical preservation techniques, this was surely the place to attract the next generation of scientists.
Understanding my concern, Tiia explained that whilst there is nothing in principle keeping the university from displaying these exhibits more publicly, funding for such an endeavour would require either additional resources, or a shift in prioritization. Whilst acquiring items such as museum-grade display cases with security infrastructure in place is no small expenditure, to me it seems a rather minimal investment when compared to the broader community gains of having this place be more accessible to all people. To this, Tiia further explained that this circumstance has become a rather regular occurence in the field of biology at the organism level. Citing a personal example, Tiia referenced her time working at the Canadian National Collection of Insects, Arachnids, and Nematodes (CNC), one of the five largest in the world, and one that now operates with minimal staff. Natural history collections everywhere seem to be struggling financially and it seems to be a trend hard to move out of; Tiia made it clear that this phenomenon is not SFU-specific.

Given the obvious vocational application and industry relevance of a project such as mapping human chromosomes, it’s understandable that institutions of various sorts are hesitant to allocate limited funds to projects with less obvious returns.
Yet something still feels wrong with this picture.
I would argue that the growing trend of academic and industry institutions focusing on the more vocationally inclined subfields is a dangerous one. I say this for two reasons. First, whilst it is definitely true that certain areas of science are more obviously applicable to real-life problems, we must remember that the scientific project can only thrive when all legitimate areas of inquiry are taken seriously. Innovations in technology are undoubtedly important, but we must remember that equally so is the quest for human understanding.
Second, and perhaps more importantly, I would argue that as important as it is to equip the current generation of scientists in their research efforts, it is also pertinent for us inspire the next one. Tiia mentioned that one of the rare public outreach events the facility has held recently was a series of themed days for five-year-olds from a local daycare. The children got to see part of the collection, interact with less delicate pieces, and even reconstruct models of exhibits using Play-Doh. The impact that such an experience can have on the young, and the manner in which it can positively formulate their career aspirations towards the sciences seems hard to understate.
Science is interesting. It is fascinating, it is captivating, and it can magnetize your imagination like nothing else. Here in this this school lies a remarkable hidden gem that deserves to be shared with all of those that would surely be captured by it’s magic. It’s obscurity doesn’t technically make it a secret, but it certainly makes it one of the universities largest missed opportunities.

Our collective responsibility regarding dangerous drug use
Written by Youeal Abera, Peak Associate
Since April 14, 2016, BC has been in a health emergency. The number of individuals overdosing on fentanyl has drastically increased — in 2017 alone, from January to July, 876 individuals died from fentanyl. In this time frame, 26,376 naloxone kits were distributed at 588 various sites in the province. Since the beginning of 2016, the numbers of deaths at the hand of fentanyl have increased by 81%.
We have a a literal matter of ‘life and death’ on our hands. We all know it. So what can we do?
BC’s government has been administering money and attention to the problem. However, our collective community of citizens must take it upon themselves to develop and uphold the social responsibilities required to discourage fentanyl use. Or, in short: be cautious about drug use. Put your potential embarrassment about drug caution in the backseat and prioritize health and well-being — for yourself and for those around you.
I know this embarrassment all too well, though it expresses itself a little differently in my case. I choose not to take drugs at all, and I experience implicit judgement from friends and strangers alike every time this comes up. When I inform them that I, a 23-year-old Black male, have never partaken in the recreational use of drugs, it shocks and dismays them. Most likely due to false depictions in media, I’m expected to not only have dabbled with drug use, but to even have become well-versed in such an activity.
Therefore, when it is discovered that I choose never to engage in drug intake, now or ever, I am often informed by individuals that I must somehow not truly be ‘as Black’ as I believe, as if my identity is intrinsically connected to my involvement with recreational drug use.
Some precautions go without saying. If you are at a party and are offered an unidentified drug, don’t take it. Even if you think you know what you’re taking, fentanyl and other contaminants could easily be slipped in, so don’t use alone; surround yourself with friends who know what you’ve ingested, and who will be in a position to help if things go wrong.
However, more than that, we must also be willing to discourage our friends from partaking in dangerous usage practices where possible. Don’t feel apprehensive about diverting people from receiving drugs from strangers. Don’t pop pills when it’s only out of the fear of being an outcast or belittled, or when it’s out of desperation to relieve your stresses and fears, and make sure those around you know that they don’t have to submit to that fear either.
Experiencing the embarrassment that comes with not partaking in dangerous substance use is difficult and uncomfortable. However, what has always kept me in check is remembering the disappointment I’d feel from allowing others to drive me to do something I don’t want to do. That disappointment is significantly more intolerable and longer-lasting than a few seconds of discomposure. My self-imposed values and commitments take precedence over the opinions of others.
The greatest method to combat both the pressures and dangers of opioids and pills: conversation. If you are tempted to use these drugs to relieve the stresses and traumas that haunt you, ask the big questions. See if there are any healthier, less risky, and more sustainable alternative solutions. Seek valid information on what these drugs could do to your body, and how dangerous they can be to your livelihood.
Moreover, if you even have slight suspicions that someone you know is using such pills or opioids, and it’s becoming a danger to them, don’t be too afraid or hesitant to approach them. Avoid being invasive, accusatory, or judging; speak out of a place of concern, compassion, and love.
If we were to all maintain these precautions regarding experimentation with opioids and pills, then we would inevitably come closer to rendering the dangers of fentanyl obsolete. If we truly want to put an end to the fentanyl crisis, we must not leave it entirely to the leadership of our province.
How golf has taken Laura Jones from New Brunswick to SFU
Laura Jones had a very strong 2017 year when it came to golf, both individually and for the SFU team. Individually, she finished first at both the Bouctouche East Coast Junior Championship and New Brunswick (NB) Junior Girls Championship. She also finished second in the NB Women’s Amateur and CN Future Links Atlantic Championship. For SFU golf, her 2017 season was highlighted by a second-place finish at the Northwest Shootout. To get to know Jones, continue reading!
Fast Facts
Name: Laura Jones
Major: Health Sciences
Year: Sophomore (second-year)
Hometown: Moncton, New Brunswick
Sport(s) you play at SFU: Golf
Fun fact about yourself: I’m obsessed with mountains.
GPA: 4.26 (which, for those of you that don’t know, is nearly all A+s!)
Part A (Sports and athletics)
The Peak: For those who aren’t familiar with the sport you play, can you explain it for us?
Laura Jones: Sure. Golf is pretty straightforward, the main objective is to get a little white ball into a hole in the ground in as few strokes as possible, using any of your 14 clubs. Each club has a different face angle, allowing you to hit the ball varying heights and distances. A full round is 18 holes, with each hole typically being a distance between 100 and 600 yards. At the end of the round, the score for each hole is added up and is related to the course par, which serves as a reference point for the difficulty of the course.
P: When did you first begin playing golf?
L: My dad’s an avid golfer so I’ve been around golf my entire life, but I only started to take it seriously around the age of 14. I thought it was pretty boring before then.
P: What drew you to the sport of golf?
L: What drew me to golf was the amount of people I met through it and the amazing friendships I made. Golf is a unique sport as it takes 4–5 hours to play, with a decent portion of that time spent walking and chatting with your playing partners. I found the competitive atmosphere super enjoyable, and quickly made some great friends that really got me hooked.
P: Have you participated in any sports/meets recently? If so, how did you do at them?
L: I competed in the first tournament of our spring season a few weeks ago. It was a little bit of a rocky start, but there were definitely many positives to pull away from the tournament, which is a promising sign so early in the season.
P: Do you have any practice or event superstitions?
L: I always hit at least one shot with every odd-numbered club in my bag.
P: What’s your favourite winter Olympic sport?
L: I’m not a huge fan on the winter Olympics, but I enjoy watching anything with cool flips. Figure skating is the first one that comes to mind.
Part B (Life in general)
P: What’s your favourite food/snack to have before a practice or game?
L: My dad’s homemade granola bars; I’ve got a huge stockpile in my dorm room fridge.
P: What does an average school/practice day look like for you (from the time you wake up, to the moment you go to sleep)?
L: My schedule is quite different depending on the day of the week, but my most common day [involves me] waking up at 6 a.m. and heading to an hour of team weight training. After that, I attend class for the morning, study in the afternoons, and practice at the driving range for 1–2 hours in the evening. When I get back to my dorm room I usually get another hour of studying in before heading to bed around 10:30.
P: How do you balance competitive athletics and post-secondary academics?
L: That’s something I’m always striving to improve, as it’s definitely not easy. For me, balancing the two takes a lot of self-discipline, as I often have to make sacrifices in other areas of my life. I try to use my time wisely by doing everything as efficiently as possible and staying organized, especially during midterms and finals when things get pretty crazy.
P: What drew you to the major you chose?
L: I really like how the program integrates various approaches to healthcare. The stream that I have chosen enables me to take a wide range of classes, with many being science-oriented like human pathophysiology and molecular biology, and others focusing on health care policy and ethics. Overall it seemed like a really well-rounded program that aligned with my interests and would provide a great foundation for whatever career I end up pursuing.
P: How do you keep yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy with such a demanding schedule?
L: The biggest thing for me is making sure I’m getting enough sleep, that’s something I always try to prioritize. Other than that, I think it’s really about being self-aware, and being willing to give myself a break when I feel like I need one. I also make sure I dedicate time to maintaining relationships with friends and family, as that social connection is really great for my mental and emotional health.
P: What’s your favourite activity to do in down-time?
LJ: I don’t have too much down-time, but when I do, I try to spend time with my friends. Between semesters I’ll indulge in a few Grey’s Anatomy episodes, which is something I always look forward to.
Part C (Meaning and inspiration)
P: If you’re comfortable sharing, could you tell us about a challenge or challenging time (in relation to athletics or school life) you’ve faced recently, and how you dealt with it?
L: The first half of this past fall semester was definitely a challenging time for me. I put a lot of pressure on myself coming into the year and got overwhelmed by a few failures. I started to question whether or not I was going to be able to complete my degree as a varsity athlete, and strongly considered leaving the team to focus on school. After a lot of reflection, I came up with a list of specific things I needed to improve, which resulted in me completely altering my study habits. This was an interesting transition period for me but taught me some really valuable lessons that I am certain will follow me for the rest of my life. I also had some major changes in perspective, and substantially decreased the amount of pressure I was putting on myself, which has really helped my mental health.
P: Do you find there are challenges relating to being a female in a relatively male-dominated sport? (If you have any specific stories, feel free to share them). How do you cope with some of these gender difficulties?
L: I haven’t experienced many challenges with this, especially in recent years. However, when I first started playing junior tournaments around the age of ten, I was quite intimidated by the fact that there were usually one or two girls and 50 or 60 boys. I remember being on a putting green after a tournament round with a group of older boys, and I was so scared of being in their way that I didn’t hit a putt longer than a foot to ensure I wouldn’t miss the hole and have my ball roll near them. This intimidation eventually wore off, but it’s definitely a concern for young girls entering the sport.
P: What are some qualities that make a good golfer? Or more generally, a good athlete?
L: A good work ethic and the ability to control emotions. The second one is key in a sport like golf where there is so much time for your mind to wander and affect your game.
P: What advice would you give to younger athletes struggling to balance academics and sports?
L: Reach out to those who have gone through similar experiences to learn what has worked for them and see how you can improve. Even just hearing that others have been in your place and gotten through it is often really comforting.
P: What advice would you give to younger students, in general?
L: Be aware of how you’re spending your time, and how efficient you are when you are working. Try out different study techniques to find what works best for you and don’t be afraid of a few failures along the way, [as] they are what will direct you towards success.
P: If you could thank one (or more) person in your life, who would you thank, and what for?
LJ: [I would thank] my family members, who have played a huge role in supporting me to be where I am today. They’ve been there to celebrate successes, and have picked me up after heartbreaking failures, and I am so grateful for that. Also, my friends here at university and back home who keep me sane by making sure I don’t spend all my waking hours in the library, and who fill my days with laughter and joy.
Reasons why I could never be a professor
By: Simrin Purhar
- My parents keep asking me if I’m sure “school is for me.”
- I’m a member of the pro-plagiarism society.

- I’m not sure how I would indicate to students that I’m accepting bribes in exchange for better grades.
- I don’t know what an acceptable bribe would even be ($20 for half a letter grade change? $30 for a full??)
- I find it difficult to maintain strictly professional relationships.
- My anxiety is triggered when I’m surrounded by younger, skinnier, and better-dressed people.
- Sometimes I spell my own name wrong.
- I’m indecisive and I’d want the students to call me by a different name each week (Ms.?? Professor?? Just my first name??)

- I hate apples.











