By: Isabella Urbani
Growing up with two teenage brothers, I basically skipped over watching children’s shows. Sure, I can sort of remember watching Yo Gabba Gabba!, Lazy Town, and Hi-5, but what I remember most is watching what my brothers liked at the time: Family Guy, The Simpsons, and King of the Hill.
When my youngest brother was born, I was 10-years-old and thereby inherited babysitting duties — which basically meant I got to spend my weekends planted in front of the television watching children’s shows. As a result, I got acquainted with a lot of television shows I wouldn’t have otherwise watched: Mike the Knight, Team Umizoomi, and my favourite of them all, Bubble Guppies. I even went to see the Bubble Guppies live. What a dream.
While my brother was only interested in the music and boisterous characters, I was fully immersed in the storylines, problem-solving, and companionship. But by the time my brother was growing out of these shows, I was just starting to get into them.
So, recently, I got to work tracking down all the shows I would have watched on the Treehouse network in the early 2000s. If I felt endorphins watching these shows again, I reached nirvana when I discovered the shows I had completely erased from my brain: Rolie Polie Olie, Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs, 4 Square, and Roll Play.
My fun watching these shows came and passed in a week, but one show in particular held its grasp on me: The Berenstain Bears.
I didn’t watch The Berenstain Bears growing up very often. It wasn’t a fixture on the children’s network we had growing up. But every now and then, when it was on, I watched it. Watching bears acting like humans was entertaining enough as a child, but unlike most blasts from the past, the show was just as good, maybe even better, watching it the second time around at 19.
Ignoring the fact that they’re bears, the show’s plot was practical. In every episode, either Mama Bear, Papa Bear, Sister Bear, or Brother Bear wound up in some sort of trouble. Any children’s show I had watched up to that point only focused on the trouble the children got themselves in, with limited screen time for the parents.
The problems the characters faced were grounded in reality. Friendship troubles, budgeting, healthy eating, and overwhelming workloads were all discussed at one point or another. Much like the problems, the solutions were as accurate as a children’s show can be. Conflict wasn’t always solved with a simple fix or a snap of a finger. Instead, they faced the implications of their decisions and learned their lessons the hard way.
The family also had their ups and downs. Brother and Sister Bear were extremely competitive with one another and always butted heads. Mama and Papa Bear often fought about expenses and buying their children the gifts they asked for. They were two financially conscious and thrifty bears. Mama and Papa Bear were authoritative.
Not to be confused with authoritarian parenting, authoritative parenting is the style of parenting equivalent to being a liberal in Canada: it’s the middle ground. Parents that are authoritative set clear boundaries and expectations, but work hand in hand with their children to solve problems by talking it out.
I was envious of the Berenstain family dynamic. I love my parents, but they operated on the “tough love,” “I’m your parent, so what I say goes” type of program. You can see why I fixated so dearly on the Bears who were the complete opposite of that.
Family turmoil was resolved by the end of the episode. Brother and Sister, although completely out of hand on numerous occasions, had the opportunity to learn from their mistakes.
In the “Blame Game,” Brother and Sister go on a tirade accidentally destroying objects around the house and blaming one another. Instead of boiling over, both Mama and Papa teach their children to own up for their wrongdoings, stop blaming one another, and lend a hand without asking for anything in return. “Instead of shouting and pointing fingers,” Momma said, “we should get to work and solve the problem.”
The Berenstain Bears didn’t teach me what a perfect family dynamic is, but what a functional dynamic looks like. Understanding that brought to light the dysfunctionalities in my own family, and it also proved to me that it’s possible for parenting to be reciprocal. This was comforting for me as a child, and even more so now, as I look forward to building my own family.
I have something to aspire to for my children. I want my children to grow up in a similar environment that the Berenstain kids grew up in — one that is forgiving, that doesn’t resort to fear tactics to prove a point, and isn’t fixed. I want to grow with my children. I want to admit to my shortcomings, and change for the better, rather than being defensive about the way my children say I make them feel — even if that hurts my feelings. I want my children to feel comfortable coming to me and admitting what they did wrong, understanding there will be consequences, but I’m not going to hold this incident over their heads.
My parents didn’t become softer until I was an adult. The version of them my younger brothers experienced was not who I had growing up. Through their mistakes with me, they learned how to be better for my brothers. And without The Berenstain Bears, I might not have known that a “healthy” dynamic between parents and children isn’t supposed to be spiteful.
Ultimately, it’s not the family squallers that are problematic, it’s how these disagreements are resolved. Problems shouldn’t be pushed under the rug to fester hate into resentment. They need to be nipped in the bud, which means admitting you’re wrong and moving on. I didn’t learn that growing up; I learned that from a children’s show.
