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News Beat: September 3

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Minotaur discovered in Robert C. Brown Hall

Last week, in an encounter that could only be described as unbelieva-bull, second-year history major Haru Kenji came face-to-face with a creature from Grecian legend: the minotaur.

Although sightings of a 700-pound half-man, half-bull creature roaming the labyrinthine corridors of Robert C. Brown Hall were reported as early as July, officials believed the reports and subsequent vandalisms to be nothing more than an elaborate joke. This suddenly changed when Kenji was able to capture over three minutes of video footage on his phone of the mythological beast goring a bulletin board.

When asked about the safety of the general population, SFU administration responded with assurances but seemed to lack any sort of concrete plan on dealing with maze-dweller.  As of press time, Hellenic studies majors were just happy that they were relevant.

 

Facebook tracks down final humans without Timeline

Nearing the one-year anniversary of introduction of Timeline to the masses, household name and social media giant Facebook proudly announced early last week that Facebook operations teams had successfully located the last instance of human beings that had yet to adopt their patented Timeline profile formatting.

The group of humans, a tribe of Maori nomads, was found wandering the jungles of Papua, Indonesia. Locating the group using infrared heat-seeking technology built into Facebook’s fleet of Zuckerblimps, agents of the popular internet company soon descended on the natives, smoking them out of the brush. Armed with laptops and a satellite connection, each Maori was signed up and on Timeline in a matter of minutes.

This marks the largest operation by Facebook since early March, when two penguin researchers that had failed to sign up for the features were discovered in McMurdo, Antarctica.

 

Makers of NyQuil and DayQuil introduce 4:30-in-the-afternoonQuil

In the private sector news this week, Vicks, maker of many popular over-the-counter medicinal aids, announced a brand new product slated to be on shelves by mid-October. Building off the success of their NyQuil and later DayQuil products from the early nineties, Vicks is proud to introduce the newest member of the –Quil family, 4:30-in-the-afternoonQuil.

The Peak sat down with Sandra Singh, spokesperson for Vicks to discuss the new product. “Now, we at Vicks listen to our consumer and this is what they wanted. A cough medicine for the time of the day when it’s bright enough to see, but you’d still turn your headlights on when you’re driving. “

“The new 4:30-in-the-afternoonQuil formula is specially designed for that hour’s commute home, non-drowsy, but let’s not go crazy here because, hey, you’re already off work. We definitely did not just fill the bottles halfway with DayQuil and top it off with NyQuil. Definitely not that. “

By Gary Lim

Mount up: Your guide to another semester on Burnaby Mountain

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By Ljudmila Petrovic

If you’re a chump like me (that was a typo . . . I meant “champ,” of course) and took summer classes, then stop reading right now. You’re not going back to school, because you never left its hallowed halls.

Everyone else: you had a great summer, didn’t you? You soaked up the sun on the beach, maybe did some travelling, or you just relaxed and partied it up. Now it’s time to come back to school, back to lectures and over-priced textbooks, back to all-nighters (and not the rowdy kind) and bumpy, rainy bus trips up the mountain. I bet you have the back-to-school blues. At any rate, if you didn’t before, now you do. You’re welcome.

There are just some things that people like to complain about when it comes to going back to school, especially in the fall. Fear not: I may be the bearer of bad news, but I am also bringing you solutions to all your common qualms about the new semester.

“There’s no sun, it’s rainy, and I’m getting depressed.”

Sure, frolicking in the sun certainly puts you in a better mood than trudging through the rain, but what you’re missing from the sun is Vitamin D. The bad news is that vitamin D is found in very few foods, so you can’t use the “but I’m getting my calcium!” type of excuse that I use when I stuff my face with ice cream. Unless your idea of comfort food is cod liver oil, in which case you’ll be happy as a clam despite the lack of sun. Vitamin D can be found in several types of fish, including salmon, as well as in eggs, some dairy products, and bacon. This is, of course, a selective list based on personal taste. For everyone else out there, some studies have found that certain beers contain vitamin D. Usually, I would be critical of this kind of vague statement about “empirical” findings, but when a study is telling me that hitting the pub will give me my daily vitamin D intake, I’m not going to wonder where these findings are coming from. If nothing else, you’ll remember this factoid next time you’re drinking a pint, and you’ll laugh at how absurd my advice is. At least you’re not moping about the rain, so I think my job here is done.

“I don’t want to drag around three or four textbooks all day.”

You have several options here: First, you can hire someone to follow you around and carry them for you. There may be a couple of problems here, however. How many of us can afford that? And I’m not sure what labor laws say about this kind of thing. You could just not get textbooks. You can’t haul around what you don’t have. You’ll probably pass anyways, depending on the class. Or you could get one of those wheelie suitcases to take between classes. For bonus fun, you can pretend you’re at the airport, about to jet off to an exotic location, far, far away from Burnaby Mountain. Just kidding. This isn’t a real option for most socially competent people. Finally, the option that nobody wants to hear, but is realistically the best one: organize your time so that you finish all assignments and readings that require a textbook at home, so you don’t need to bring it with you. Really, most classes don’t require you to bring your textbook every week, and even if you happen to have one that does, there’s really no reason to be carrying all of your textbooks all the time.

“But what about my social life?”

Grades, sleep, and social life: choose two. We’ve all heard this thousands of times before, but that’s because it’s true. I’m sure you had a rockin’ social life over the summer, but now it’s time to prioritize. If an active social life is your priority, that’s fine, but it’s likely that other aspects of your life will have to suffer. There is, however, always the option of re-defining “social life.” Why not combine the two? The more responsible approach is obviously to make study groups, or to have study sessions with friends. You can get snacks, fun non-alcoholic beverages, and put on some Bach. Of course you shouldn’t speak to one another about non-academic related topics, because otherwise, you’ll never get anything done and you’ll be right back where you started. That being said, you can take study breaks, and just go wild on the gossip for about ten minutes. The more fun approach to combining studies and a social life — albeit the less productive one — is to do whatever it is you normally do with your social life, but accommodate it so that some academics can occur. If you normally lounge on the couch and eat chips with friends, then this is easy: just add a textbook to the mix. If you’re more of a party animal, this might be slightly more difficult, but not impossible. History drinking games? Literary analysis with cocktails? It can work, I’m sure. Note: no advice I could ever give will apply to the rare breed that do extreme sports as a hobby.

“But I don’t want to write papers!”

If you major in something that requires a lot of paper-writing, but you hate the process, then you went wrong somewhere along the road. That issue is so much bigger than me. If you’d just rather not, well, suck it up. Short of plagiarism (which isn’t worth it), there’s not much you can do to avoid this.

 

This comprehensive guide to back-to-school should make your return to the academic world as painless as ripping off a band-aid: it’ll hurt at first, but over time you’ll forget what a bad idea it is, and just keep on doing it.

Ski Ninjas: Booze

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By Kyle Lees at Ski Ninjas

Myanmar, the U.N.’s new democratic darling

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By Kai Yang Shiao
Photos by Mark Burnham
Where vote or die isn’t a glamorous campaign slogan

As Canadians, we take it for granted on a daily basis that we live in a liberal democracy. Unfortunately this luxury continues to elude the people of Myanmar. News headlines have expressed excitement at the ongoing political liberalization in Myanmar, from the widespread coverage of the release of political prisoners to the participation by Aung San Suu Kyi and her party in the by-elections held earlier this year. While it is necessary to recognize and support such historic changes, the world must also accept that there remain various elements that may well undermine the current status of democracy in the country.

In order to better understand such concerns, it is necessary to take a step back and examine the constitution proposed by the then-ruling military junta, the State Peace and Development Council. A constitutional referendum was held in 2008, and the proposal was subsequently approved in the same year. The military junta’s success may be largely due to widespread electoral manipulation and fraud: there were many eyewitness reports of eligible voters forced and bribed to vote in favour of the proposed constitution, and of ballots accepted even after the polling stations had already closed. Such events likely indicate a widespread opposition among Myanmar’s citizens, which can be easily understood by taking a closer look at what is inside the document that now forms the basis for Myanmar’s present-day political system.

At first glance, the document presents genuine intentions of building a political future in Myanmar based on democracy, outlining plans for a civilian-led government in the presence of a multi-party political system. However, elsewhere in the document are remnants from the country’s military past and hurdles in the country’s drive towards democratization. Under the 2008 constitution, one quarter of the seats in the both houses of the national bicameral legislature, Pyidaungsu Hluttaw, are appointed by the Myanmar Armed Forces. Another major sign of the military’s continued presence in politics is the provision that the Ministry of Home Affairs would fall exclusively under military control.

Though this constitution has many features of a democracy, the presence of the aforementioned provisions fails to uphold many core principles of thriving democratic political systems around the world.

One such relevant principle is that the armed forces, composed of public servants, should be subservient to a civilian-led government. Permitting the Myanmar Armed Forces to retain some involvement in both the executive and legislative branches of government effectively undermines this principle as well as the legitimacy of the country’s national legislative body.

[author_link]Username[/author_link]Another major compelling principle is that citizens of representative democracies should have the right to elect all seats in all houses of the national legislature. Though there are exceptions to this phenomenon, the overwhelming trend in most democracies is for citizens to directly elect all seats in the legislative branch. On the contrary, by allocating 25 per cent of its total seats in both houses of legislature to the Myanmar Armed Forces, the current constitution is giving approval for the continued role of the military in national politics.

The events surrounding the 2008 constitutional referendum and the current constitution should be a reminder to display vigilance against continued military involvement, which threatens to undermine an emerging democratic political system. As Canadians, we should constantly be thankful to have our voices reflected in our flourishing political system.

NHL lockout imminent?

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By Bryan Scott

Hockey fans having deja vu of 2005 with NHL player lockout looming

The pending NHL lockout is haunting the dreams of many hockey fans, although it may give a few teams a chance to clear up any question marks they have going into the season (e.g. the Canucks). The thought of having to go through another slushy winter without a glorious NHL season sends chills up my spine. Unfortunately, we as fans are stuck on the outside looking in as these unbelievably rich men toy with our emotions.
Big Bad (Gary) Bettman seems to be the man standing in the way of any amicable relationships between the NHL and the NHLPA as he attempts his hat trick in locked out seasons. He locked out the players for 104 days during the 2004-2005 season, which cut the season to 48 games and no one will forget the 2005 season. Hockey-less winter is not an option for the fans. But Gary Bettman is sticking to his guns threatening to lock out the players if a new Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA) is not met by the time the current one ends on September 15th.
The proposed CBA by the NHL about six weeks ago was a demanding one; the owners think that players earn too much of the teams’ revenue. The NHL proposed that the players revenue drop from 57 per cent to 46 per cent to try to help the suffering owners like Phoenix Coyotes (owned by the league), and New York Islanders. They also proposed contract limitations (which limits their job security), and contract rollbacks (causes players to get less money than original contract) which seemed to rub the player’s rhubarb the wrong way. After the player’s counter proposal with help from NHLPA Executive Directive Don Fehr, the NHL was not impressed. According to the NHL and Gary Bettman there was a considerable gap between the two sides.
As of August 29th, the NHL proposed a new CBA proposal, which they claim is generous. The players will still see a drop in revenue over the first three years of the CBA but will make it up when they switch to 50-50 revenue sharing amongst the players and the owners for the remaining years of the contract. Their piece de resistance has no rollbacks on any contract, which means that Crosby will still make $8.7 million a year (Golden Boy needs his number). Also, Zach Parise and Ryan Suter would keep their new 13-year, $98 million deals with Minnesota. There are many other stipulations in the proposals that will extend the negotiations, regarding rookie contracts, free agents statuses and more.
If there is still a lockout after this proposal, everyone loses. The fans get to grumble and kick cans with no power at all. The owners will lose considerable profits from missed attendance. The players also lose salary and do not get to play the game they love. The outlook is bleak, but there may be a buzzer-beating deal in works. Let’s hope so.

No animals were harmed: One meat-lover’s week as a vegan

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By Ljudmila Petrovic

I love meat. Yeah, that’s what I said. Pulled pork, steak, chicken, seafood, you name it; except for a short flirtation with vegetarianism in high school (likely an act of rebellion against my carnivorous Serbian family), I have never considered an alternate lifestyle. Maybe it’s because of this that I have always been so fascinated with people that subscribe to veganism. I could never understand how vegans managed to live happy, full lives, and I have observed these individuals with a combination of disbelief and awe. I certainly understand the various reasons people become vegans including animal rights advocacy, morals, sustainability, and health. However, I have actively maintained that I couldn’t go a day as a vegan.
There were a number of reasons that I decided to not only accept the challenge of going a day without animal products, but to up the ante and make it a week. The idea almost started as a joke (me? Vegan? Hah!), but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it would be a good experience. The main reason for taking this on was curiosity, both about my own personal limits, and about what veganism really looks like. Another reason was to learn about the lifestyle; even if I speak against a vegan lifestyle, I don’t want to do so in ignorance.

Day one:

I rise up bright and early to tackle my first day as a vegan. No meat, no eggs, no dairy products. I got this down pat. The options for breakfast are endless…until I open my fridge. Turns out my options are toast with jam and/or peanut butter. I also have honey, but apparently that falls under the realm of animal products, because it’s made by bees. Personally, I think that’s excessive, but I’m not going to argue. A good ol’ fashioned PB&J it is.
Now is the time to educate myself about what it is I’m getting myself into. The first website I come across is called veganism.com, and the home page is almost entirely a photograph of adorable, wide-eyed veal…. I’m sorry, calf. Every page I click on has the same prototypical baby animal. Now I feel like an asshole for my lifetime of eating animals.
I do a Google search about “What foods vegans can’t eat”. What comes up is more or less identical to the list of my favorite foods: no meat, no fish, no seafood, no milk products (here, they specified ice cream. Just to drive the point home.), no animal products whatsoever. Okay, I’m definitely taking a negative approach to this.
In the evening, I go to Made With Love, where twelve local bartenders compete in making an original cocktail. Turns out, most of the cocktails were not vegan: many used egg whites, while several even used ice cream or whipping cream. I didn’t realize this at first, but I figure that eating animal bi-products is like calories: it doesn’t count if it’s in an alcoholic beverage. Not only that, but the hors d’oeuvres floating around the room were made up of two of my favorites: pulled pork and chicken. In case you’re wondering if I cracked in my first 24 hours as a vegan, I didn’t.
Veganism is not so hard when you’re in charge of making your own meals, but going out can be a huge pain. Most events or restaurants do not take vegans into consideration, which puts the onus on the vegan to ask about the ingredients, and to try and find an alternative option. It had never crossed my mind before this, but, while most food services have a meatless option (or can at least accommodate it), it turns out that veganism is a whole other story.

Day two:

This day is significantly easier, because my plans were such that I managed to make all my meals for the day. Today is grocery day, but instead of getting whatever I feel like or whatever is on sale, I have to be ultra-conscious that it is all vegan. Knowing that I have only a very basic understanding of what vegans can and cannot eat, I play it safe and load up on things like lentils, avocados, and peanut butter. It is significantly more expensive than my regular grocery tab, and it takes considerably more aisle-wandering and label-checking. The latter is almost surely because of my rookie vegan status, but the former makes me realize that a vegan lifestyle is an even bigger commitment than I had initially thought. It requires sacrificing the cheap and easy way of life for a lifestyle that you presumably believe is the best one. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to make that commitment, and neither would many of the people that I know. Being vegan for a week is one thing, but my preference for eating whatever’s-in-the-fridge and whatever-was-on-sale far outweighs my drive to save animals and the environment through my diet. Some people take on the vegan diet for health reasons, but my experience so far hasn’t actually been healthier at all. I have had to swap my regular breakfast of egg and toast for things like toast with peanut butter, which is much higher in sugar, fat, and calories. Veganism can certainly be a healthy way of life, but it requires having enough money to afford quality vegan food, and the drive to be meticulous about healthy choices—something that can really be said about any kind of diet, not just a vegan one.

Day three:

It is not so hard to maintain a vegan diet, because today is another day where I make all my meals myself. For the first time in these three days, however, I feel my energy levels crashing. Early in the afternoon, I start feeling fatigued and sick. I pride myself on having an immune system of steel, so this is new to me. I’m not sure if the cause of my low energy is this vegan diet, but it would make sense that this sudden and complete shift in my nutrition would have an effect on my energy. I am shopping with a friend, and we were meant to go for lunch. However, I have such a sudden crash that I don’t have the energy to find a vegan place, and just play it safe and wait until I get home to eat. By that time (several hours later), I am convinced that the only possible explanation is that I am legitimately coming down with something. There’s no way that I can feel this fatigued otherwise. Some tofu and a vitamin B supplement (compliments of my vegetarian roommate) later, and I’m actually feeling quite normal.
I’m also really craving chocolate chip cookies and Kraft Dinner. My diet is usually varied and complex enough that I almost never get cravings (and especially not for junk), but I guess I haven’t yet figured out how to get everything I need in a vegan-friendly way. I have no doubt that a while of serious commitment to this lifestyle would be enough for me to learn these things, but at this point, I’m already passing by places advertising donair and wings, and telling myself: “In only four days….” I may just be the worst vegan in recent history.

Day four:

I’m tired, I’m cold, I’m irritable, and all I want is a juicy steak.
I feel like a bit of a failure because I can’t even handle four days of this while so many people manage to pull off years of it, but the truth is, I’m probably not doing it right. Either that, or the first week is the hardest part. Both are viable explanations.
The hardest part of this project isn’t even the fact that I can’t go a week without meat; it’s the fact that my body is trying to adjust to a sudden change in diet. I’m assuming the same would happen if I suddenly shifted to a gluten-free diet, or made any other massive dietary changes. I also lead an active enough lifestyle that I need all the energy I can get, and I simply have no figured out the healthy way to get the amount of calories I need without eating meat or animal products (and eating pounds of pasta or bread doesn’t count). Not to mention that I haven’t figured out how to keep my vegan meal plan exciting: I have had the same breakfast of peanut butter and toast for the past few days, I am already sick of lentils (which I generally love), and I am quite literally munching on a piece of tofu as I write this. I guess what I’m learning here is that lifestyle changes in general take time to get used to, and when it comes to diet, it’s much more difficult when you have dietary limitations. A change of this magnitude requires a shift in not only behavior but in mindset as well, and to be honest, I simply don’t care enough about being a vegan to be able to make that kind of change and really commit for longer than a week.

Day five:

I dream of meat. However, apart from last night’s extremely realistic dream about the most succulent, beautiful steak ever known to man, I am having no trouble being a vegan by Day 5. I had a dip in my energy levels at around the same time as previous days, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as Days 3 and 4. At this point, I think my body is getting more or less accustomed to the idea, and there is no doubt in my mind that several more weeks of this would be quite manageable in terms of how my body handles it. This being said, simply the fact that I’m not allowed to eat meat (as opposed to not being able to afford it, which is usually the case) makes it that much more difficult to abstain from it.
Safe in my home, mere steps away from a fridge full of lentils and tofu, I sign into Facebook—forgetting that I “liked” Memphis Blues’ page a few weeks ago. The first thing on my newsfeed is about their “fall-off-the-bone” lunch special, and an update on their pulled pork. My mental strength almost breaks at this point, because, man, do I love Memphis Blues’ pulled pork. I resist, however, reminding myself I’m on Day 5: so close to my goal. I make a chickpea salad, and tell myself how proud I’ll be when I can write that I went a full week without touching anything that came from an animal; but a part of me is still thinking: is veganism really worth it?

Day six:

Peanut butter, lentils: the day is evolving into the same old, same old. The only potentially interesting challenge to my veganism today is dinner with my mother. Now, just a little explanation: there are only two women I have ever met that can eat more lamb than me in one sitting, and my mother is one of them (the other one is her mother). My first thought was to try and convince her to go to a vegan restaurant. This would be a challenge, considering this is the woman who tried to convince me that chicken was completely vegetarian. We make a compromise and go to a Japanese restaurant. While she digs into her seafood yakisoba, I unhappily pick at my agedashi tofu and gommae. Despite my dramatic sighs, I get no pity from her. “Well, it’s your own fault for deciding to be vegan for a week”, she shrugs. “You should have chosen something else, like writing an article about what it’s like to eat only pork for a week”. Goddamn, she’s right. I could be eating bacon right now instead of fried tofu. Most of our dinner is spent brainstorming what I’m going to eat “when this thing is finally over”. Moral of the story: I’m obviously genetically incapable of being indefinitely vegan. This being said, I cannot help but feel pride at being the first person on my family tree to go a week without touching animal products.

Day seven:

I have to say, as interesting as this has been, I am very happy to be on my last day of eating vegan—the main reason for this being that I am running out of vegan food, and I couldn’t stand another uninspiring grocery trip to the tofu section. It’s not even that it was as aggravating and filled with temptation as I thought it would be, it’s just that I’m getting really bored of eating such a limited diet. Not only that, but this week has been the first time in a really long time that I’ve had such intensive cravings, mainly for things like ice cream. This makes me think that I wasn’t doing this right, and probably wasn’t getting everything that I usually get through meat and dairy. Other than this, I don’t even think about being a vegan throughout the day. It’s already become a bit of a habit, as long as I’m using ingredients that I have in the house (which, in the last week, have been vegan).
In retrospect, if I were to do this as a lifestyle, rather than an experiment, there are many things that I would have to do differently. For one thing, I’d have to stop bitching and complaining so much about it, and unapologetically commit to this being the way that I live my life. Eventually, assuming that I had the right mindset, my body would undoubtedly get used to the steak deprivation. I would also have to do a lot more research about vegan recipes. I am fairly creative with my food, but I don’t know enough about vegan options to have an elaborate meal plan.

Day eight:

Around Day 3, I was convinced that by the time the week was up, I would be crawling into the kitchen at midnight on Day 8 to eat ham out of desperation. A little melodramatic, I know, but for the record, I didn’t do this. I woke up at an average time, and made my regular breakfast of eggs. It’s as if I had never stopped eating animal products. I had been avoiding dinner at my parents’ house, knowing that my father would try and be supportive by making his signature “vegetarian” dish: beans which happen to be cooked in beef broth and have chunks of smoked meat in them. Now that I’m eating meat again, however, I have nothing to fear. Sure enough, their fridge is filled with leftovers: roast chicken, skewers of pork, lamb, beef, and salmon fillets. Sure enough, there’s a roast chicken waiting for me when I get there.
The day is much easier, because I don’t have to think about what I eat. Maybe it’s a placebo effect, but I swear I have more energy, and am full for longer after a meal. This experiment was a good one in terms of learning about new experiences, but I would never go the vegan route. It’s certainly a more sustainable and morally sound lifestyle, but the amount of commitment is takes is simply not something that I would be able to do. To each their own.

Word on the Street: September 3

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“Neil was my first and although he definitely wasn’t the last man to go exploring my craters, for that he’ll always have a special place in my heart.”

The Moon — Seriously?

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Dammit Neil, you always had to be first didn’t you. I’ll miss you, you sumbitch.”

Buzz Aldrin — 2nd  Man on the Moon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Ohmigod, I can’t believe he’s like dead. I mean you’d think he’d be super healthy after winning all those bicycle races. #Livestrong #YOLO”

Tara Kimble — Lipgloss Enthusiast

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Now I know what you think I’m going to say. But we did in fact land on the moon. Whether or not NASA’s reason for doing so was subjugating the moon people, now that’s still up for debate.”

Gregory Barnett — Man in Tin Foil Hat

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Wow, so he made it to the moon. What an achievement. Oh, and afterwards he got to come back to Earth too? Well la-dee-fucking-dah. ”

Curiousity — Martian Rover

By Gary Lim

Petter Watch: September 3

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Petter eats a tangerine for the first time. Enjoys it.