Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: February 1–7

By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor ARIES: BARK! BARK! BARK! WOOF WOOF! BARK! TAURUS: Try split-dyeing your hair, Taurus. All the cool kids are doing it. You’ve...

Top Ten reasons I’ve been unable to catch some shuteye

By: Clarence Ndabahwerize, SFU Student The collapse of liberal western democracy Imagine waking up to find the Scottish unicorn on your passport in your room...

How quarantine has completely destroyed my socialization skills

By: Madeleine Chan, Kyla Dowling, and Nathan Tok I can’t leave people on read IRL? (Madeleine) I think I realized that human interaction isn’t for me...

Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: January 25–31

By: Alex Masse, Staff Writer ARIES: Have you invested in “screaming into the void” lately? I think it’d be really therapeutic for you. If no...

Pets unionize, annoyed with owners using them as compensation for a lack of online personality

By: Juztin Bello, SFU Alumnus Vancouver, BC — Following an influx of complaints from household pets regarding inaccurate quoting for captions on Instagram, zero compensation...

SFU economics alumnus solves Canadian global debt crisis by suggesting we “print more money”

By: Paige Riding, Humour Editor VANCOUVER, BC — A recent graduate from the SFU department of economics, Matthew Lashuk, has gone where no other economist...

The haunting of all the books I have bought but never read: a memoir

By: Kyla Dowling, Staff Writer I can feel them watching me.   The clown on the cover of It by Stephen King, the main character of Leo...

The best places to isolate at SFU

By: Nathan Tok, Peak Associate Are you an SFU student without the heart to go long-distance with your partner, the university? Need a place to...

Your weekly SFU Horoscopes: January 17–23

By: Molly Lorette, Peak Associate Aries: How is that fourth New Year's resolution going? Maybe if you actually stuck with something for longer than a...

Five Zoom backgrounds for the new semester

By: Alex Masse, Staff Writer With online school continuing its reign — and potentially outlasting Putin’s — it’s high time we spice up our Zoom...