tophumour
The Peak investigates: Students falling down the stairs from Blusson Hall to the AQ
January 12, 2026As a wannabe-investigative journalist, I was determined to follow in the footsteps of my predecessors at The Peak Investigates column. Thus, donning my fedora, beige-coloured trench coat, and with one too many coffee enemas in my system, I ventured out from the bowels of The Peak office to solve a very complex (yet seemingly straightforward) case. After making my way to the AQ, I squeezed my way into the long table near Renaissance Coffee to begin my observations. The case was simple enough: recently, an unusually high number of students have been reported falling down the stairs that connect the…
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PR-lady from athletics department holds mandatory teach-in on why football is problematic
January 5, 2026By: An unsuspecting student I was walking to the bus loop after a long day of classes when a shadowy pink and yellow figure suddenly appeared out of nowhere. A bag was then shoved over my head and my hands…
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Survival guide: post-holiday edition
January 5, 2026After the holidays, everything sucks. I love the part of winter when all I do is stuff my face with carbs and cocktails, because, well, it’s carbs and cocktail time. However, now that the holiday season is over, my cranberry-gin-fizz-coloured…
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Hallmark presents: Love on the Mountaintop
December 20, 2025MAGGIE BENSTON CENTRE - REGISTRAR SERVICES DESK SIMON FRASER UNIVERSITY HOLLY is conversing with REGISTRAR OFFICE LADY. The room is grey with no Christmas decorations in sight. HOLLY (to REGISTRAR OFFICE LADY) Yes, that’s Holly. H-O-L-L-Y. I know, you probably…
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The Clausgate Scandal: How Big Beverage tried to cancel Christmas
December 20, 2025By the time the headline “Santa Claus Hates Everyone” ricocheted across the internet and news outlets, the world had already begun cancelling Christmas. Children sobbed into their half-eaten gingerbread men. Christmas influencers rebranded as “seasonally ambivalent creators.” One particular parenting…
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I give a guy a chance . . . and look what happened
December 19, 2025I just got back from a date, and . . . wow. There might be a lot of fish in the sea, but damn, the sea is POLLUTED. This guy was a nightmare! He picked me up, and girl, he…
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How long will Carney’s government last? We asked a tea leaf reader
December 19, 2025How long will this government survive? Read on to find out! Remember to follow my TikTok for exclusive digital palm reading. Hiiii, lovelies! Welcome back to my Federal Future Forecast Series, where I ask Spirit to guide us on matters…
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Hey kid, how do I get to the Lorne Davies Complex?
December 18, 2025It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday, cloudy, and campus is deserted. The commuter students fled home yesterday, and the Burnaby campus residents are hunkered down in their concrete boxes. I’m headed home to my dorm, veering left on the walkway.…
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Reimagining Shakespeare: The campus is but a stage
December 18, 2025Jess: a fourth-year student, burdened by ambition and Wi-Fi issues. Advisor: a keeper of bureaucratic riddles, and a destroyer of hopes and dreams. Professor: philosopher, lecturer, and a veteran of many, endless faculty meetings. Barista: servant to the gods of…
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Men’s washroom etiquette 101
December 18, 2025So here’s when it all started. In September of my first year, I walked into an SFU men’s washroom for the very first time. As I was walking towards the only available urinal, I saw him. There he was, standing…
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Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]
Simon Fraser University’s independent student newspaper since 1965.
For advertising inquiries: [email protected]
For promotional inquiries: [email protected]