By: Ashima Shukla, Postmodernist-in-Residence
In a shocking yet unsurprising twist, SFU was recently robbed of its soul. No, not our collective conscience! The logo on the SFU welcome sign at the foot of the campus. The beloved red symbol of caffeine dependency (foreshadowing your search for a free parking spot on campus) went missing.
But fret not, dearest students, for the logo has since returned. And yet, in a totally credible Fraser Institute study, 110% of SFU students have now proclaimed the welcome sign “butt ugly.”
Perhaps it’s time for a redesign that better reflects the SFU experience in its full glory. With zero budget, minimal artistic expertise, and a heavy dose of metaphor, enter: our top five visionary contenders for replacing our #boringsign.
1. A giant clock that shows you’re always early (for the next class)
Nothing says “welcome” like a friendly reminder that time is an illusion and your schedule is a self-made prison. This oversized clock isn’t broken — it’s just set to a mystical time zone known only to course schedulers, mountain ghosts, and the R5 bus drivers. Running late again? Don’t worry! According to this tasteful installation, you’re just very early for your next class. It’s not lying, it’s optimism! Even if time is fake, your efforts (and panic) are very real. So, enjoy this reminder that you’re way ahead of the game (even if not the one you’re currently in).
2. An introvert’s nightmare: an interactive absurdist performance
Bringing Beckett to Burnaby, picture this: an immersive installation that invites you to stand at its centre while four figures walk around you in a repeating but nonsensical pattern. No one makes eye contact. No one leaves. All you hear is the haunting rhythm of footsteps and small talk. Inspired by Samuel Beckett’s Quad, this piece welcomes you to SFU’s hypersocial yet deeply isolating university life. Are you the main character in a tragicomedy or just heading to the AQ? Come find out!
And yes — the performance never ends.
3. A “not UBC” sign
Minimalist. Iconic. Proudly contrarian. Perfect for when visitors need clarity and students need closure. The sign isn’t competitive — it’s just setting the record straight. No, we don’t have a nude beach or heritage ivy. But we do have racoons. And fog. And don’t you dare forget our brutalist concrete that builds character (and strong calves).
4. A goSFU MySchedule simulation that rearranges itself when you look away
This cursed display shows you a perfect schedule as you drive up the mountain — until you blink. Then, you’ve suddenly got two overlapping seminars, a lab in Surrey, and a 3:00 a.m. tutorial for another faculty that you cannot drop. Bonus points if you catch it glitch, showing a waitlisted course from 2020. Why? Because chaos is free, unlike your tuition.
5. A giant red splotch of red paint
This bold and provocative piece of abstract art is titled, “The Cost of Knowledge: A Generous Donation.” Whether it’s the emotional toll of a degree with job prospects TBD or the lack of funding no one wants to talk about, this vivid splash of red fosters the kind of critical thinking the administration just loves. English students can debate its meaning, engineering students calculate the structural integrity of the metaphor. Either way, it’s Rothko meets capitalism.
In the end, maybe our SFU logo isn’t as much a welcome as an ask. Like looking into a mirror, it offers a moment of introspection to consider, “Are you sure? Are you ready?” As the mountain swallows your cell signal, the wind gently murmurs a reply, “No. But you’re here anyway.” Because that is the SFU spirit — uncertain but committed. And hauntingly self-aware.
