By: Kaja Antic
Editor’s note: Queen Frostine wishes for readers to know that normally, she wouldn’t bother writing for any publication less prestigious than Vogue or the The New Yorker, but she picked up her Ouija board last night. When she asked if she would be punished with 100 bad hair days if she didn’t publish in a board game magazine, the ghosts moved the planchette towards YES.
Hello, my loyal subjects — I mean loyal followers. GRWM, Queen Frostine, to rule over all you sticky little cretins here in Candy Land, while I explain how incredibly hard each day is for me in this world of endless sweet treats.
First off, when I wake up every morning, my aides are always there to bother me with whatever is happening to the regular peasants in the villages. It’s so annoying. I give them perfect roads with perfect colour coordination, and they have the audacity to complain!
“Your Majesty, it is so difficult to travel with these regulations.” “Your Majesty, these bridges keep cutting through my land and destroying my crops.” “Your Majesty, I dread voyaging the monotonous loop around the kingdom with no true end that symbolizes our meaningless existence to entertain the court.”
I’m SICK of it!
Do you know how hard it is to run a kingdom made of sugar and faux happiness? How hard it is to make sure every part of the gum drop chandelier looks polished? How hard it is to pick the perfect flavour of cake? None of you will ever, CAN never, know what I have to go through each and every day.
Oh, you’re “tired” of trekking the same rainbow road each day? I’m tired of hearing about it. Why does no one care about MY problems?
Sorry, I’m getting off track, something my subjects are seemingly unable to do. Anyway, here’s the Callisto face mask which is just like a regular sugar mask, though it is better quality than the “village” edition. In case you peasants didn’t know, Callisto is an icy moon of Jupiter and I’m Frostine, so it’s like a match made in face mask heaven. Also, I’m going to skip my icing facial today. I do not have the time for all of that in my routine. I put on my favourite lip gloss, but I won’t tell you the name because it’s, like, super expensive and you all probably can’t afford it anyway.
Now, I make sure to tidy my hair, making sure none of my waves will stick the wrong way under my heavy ice crystal crown, and secure with the Saccharum sucra-spray, giving it this gorgeous texture. Then, I go to my closet to pick out which icy designer gown I’m choosing today. I think I’m gonna go with this blue-and-white number from Dulce Banana, it’s one of my absolute favourites!
Anyway, I gots to go! I’m so busy these days, sitting on the throne, balancing my crown on my head, watching all these colourful little characters run circles around my kingdom. sigh It’s hard to be a Queen! Have a frosty day everyone!
