By: Daniel Salcedo Rubio, Features Editor
I ended 2023 and started 2024 in what I can only describe now as a miserable situation. I was living in a place where I no longer felt comfortable, and was becoming unsafe. However, despite my misery, I remained for about six months — the last three of 2023 and the first three of 2024. Back then, I was looking at other places to move to, but I always found a reason not to: “It’s too far away from work,” “The room looks too small for my bed and desk,” “The building looks too old.” I kept finding reasons not to leave and remain in misery.
While it might sound like I have poor decision making skills, I was actually very scared of change. I was scared of moving out, potentially with people I don’t know, to a place I’m not familiar with, and to a completely different day-to-day life. So, I kept sabotaging myself for the sake of remaining in the comfort of what I knew. Miserable, yes, but at least I knew that was the basal expectation. That all changed in February 2024, when the situation quickly escalated from miserable to potentially dangerous. In just one weekend I looked over 15 apartments, signed the lease for what is my current place, and organized moving out of the hell I had been living in by the next Tuesday. All of that in just five days . . . six months of misery ended in just five days.
Looking back at it, I don’t know why I kept subjecting myself to that life. I was crying every other night, not out of sadness or anger, but of pure stress and anxiety. I used to love cooking and preparing my meals for the week, and I completely stopped doing so the last three months out of fear my food would be tampered with. Home cooked meals were replaced with local fast food chains, and my home had turned into a prison. I was barely sleeping and taking care of myself. I changed so much of what I liked and who I was for the sake of trying to fit in with familiarity, just to avoid confronting change.
Fast forward to New Year’s eve 2024. I found myself in a New Year’s party I most definitely didn’t want to be in, but I had bought the tickets with a friend some months ago and felt I had to go. All I wanted that day was to have a quiet night and eat some food with my new flatmates, but I cleaned-up, served a really good outfit, and even styled my hair — all in the hopes that putting in the extra effort would somehow ensure I would enjoy the night. However, I didn’t. It didn’t matter that I got compliments on my outfit, it didn’t matter that the venue was pretty cool, or that you know . . . it was a New Year’s party. Those are fun, right? It didn’t matter because I don’t really enjoy clubbing, I rarely do. I kept putting myself in similar situations because to some degree I felt that’s what’s expected of me, to be young and enjoy the night rather than staying in.
“Don’t stay six months living in misery when it can all be changed in five days.”
Thankfully, last night the power of foresight was by my side and I decided to leave relatively early. On my walk to the bus that would take me home, I kept thinking of where I was in New Year’s eve 2023, in the horrible situation I subconsciously decided to stay in for six months. These two stories, while different in many ways, share a common theme. I subjected myself to situations where I’m not really enjoying myself, whether it’s for fear of change or breaking-up with expectations, societal or self-imposed.
So, for this 2025 I’m channeling my inner Kim Catrall and living by her words: “I don’t want to be in a situation for even an hour where I’m not enjoying myself.” I know it sounds idealistic and realistically impossible. Discomfort is inevitable for any living being and there will be many situations where I don’t have the power or choice to change them. However, there are many situations where discomfort and pain are chosen, even if subconsciously.
This new year, my only resolution is to be more critical of my feelings, where they originate from, and whether it’s in my power to change them or not. I don’t intend to live a 2025 without discomfort. After all I love trying out new things and more likely than not, there’s some discomfort in starting something new and getting out of your comfort zone. Choosing to get out of your comfort zone and choosing discomfort, while similar statements, carry entirely different meanings for me. I don’t intend to remain in misery for the vague promise of comfort that comes from fulfilling expectations I don’t consciously align with. I don’t intend to remain in misery for the vague comfort of fending off the unknown, the fear of something worse coming if I embrace change. I don’t intend to remain in misery at all whenever I have the power to change it.
For this 2025, don’t be like me, don’t stay six months living in misery when it can all be changed in five days. I know a lot of situations seem like there’s no way out, and that any choice taken will be the wrong choice — it sure felt that way for me. But believe me, you most likely don’t have to wait for the straw to break the camel’s back for you to choose a better life.
