By: Yasmin Hassan, Staff Writer
In a revelation that left the SFU community astonished and amused, it appears our esteemed president and vice-chancellor, Dr. Joy Johnson, is not just an accomplished academic but also a master of multiple personas. After a thorough investigation (a Google search), The Peak has uncovered a series of alter egos that Johnson has been meticulously maintaining in the shadows — or so we’d like to believe.
By day, she leads SFU with vision and dedication. By night, she transforms into a motivational podcaster and wellness coach. Under the moniker “Joyful Fit Life,” she inspires individuals to live better lives with insights on balance, fitness, and self-care. Who knew she could go from drafting academic policies and letting go of hundreds of staff to recording life-changing podcast episodes?
Boeing Johnson
Oh, yeah, did I mention that Johnson also works on airplanes? Yup! She’s the executive staff analyst for Boeing Commercial Airplanes, When she’s not casting background actors to look engaged on campus, she’s crunching numbers to ensure those 767s don’t fall out of the sky. Beyond catering to the university’s benefactors, she always ensures her private jet is fueled up (we don’t have any evidence that she owns one, she just has that vibe). After all, increasing parking allowances for executives doesn’t end at ground level. How else do you think a person this busy is going to get up the mountain?
Nollywood Johnson
As if academics and engineering weren’t enough, Johnson seems to have found time to break into Nollywood. Yes, there’s a Joy Johnson starring in Nigerian cinema classics like The Thing About Men and Vid Chron Ultra, bringing drama and intrigue to the big screen (like she doesn’t already do that at SFU). It’s unclear how she manages to juggle university presidency while attending red-carpet premieres in a different country (the private jet, I’m TELLING you), but we’re sure it involves impeccable time management.
Marathon Johnson
Did you know that seeing frustrated students approach you at a concerning speed makes you run faster? Johnson has mastered this trick, so scientists hate her! This impromptu training method allows her to run the university and record-setting marathons. This Joy Johnson, a legend in her own right, holds the title as the oldest woman finisher of the New York City Marathon, completing the race an astounding 25 times. While the now moneyless students waving their fists at her may stop after a couple of minutes chasing her, Johnson probably has the endurance to keep running away from our problems.
While it’s highly improbable (or is it?) that Johnson is all these people at once, it’s comforting to imagine her as a young adult like us, taking any odd jobs she can to earn some cash. It is a bit annoying seeing her excel in every conceivable field but, maybe the lesson here is that wherever there’s a Joy Johnson, there’s . . . more Joy Johnsons. And if you ever meet another Joy Johnson, don’t be surprised if she asks you to keep her double life a secret. Oh look! We just spotted Special Effects Johnson in the distance!
