Horoscopes: March 28–April 1

What is your April Fool’s prank based on your astrological sign?

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An illustration of a girl with long flowing hair. Astrological signs and stars shine around her.
It’s nigh time for you to thrift something together. ILLUSTRATION: Marissa Ouyang / The Peak

By: Charlene Aviles, Staff Writer and prank expert

ARIES 

You love a good sitcom prank. As overdone as the whipping cream-sleep-feather routine might be, it also never fails to get you a laugh (track). Watch out this April Fool’s day though, there’s a warm cup of water with your passed out finger’s name on it. 

TAURUS

You like to go all out with your pranks. Which would be great if you didn’t waste all your time on blueprints. Now you don’t have enough time to set up your materials for April Fool’s and Mercury was so excited to see that one with the windmill . . .

GEMINI

What goes around comes around. And in your case it’ll be the ketchup you (hilariously) switched out for hot sauce last week. Gemini, this would all be avoidable if you just stop getting your prankees to make lunch for you, c’mon.

CANCER 

You’re a newbie when it comes to pranks, but don’t be shy. Just start off with something small, like a whoopie cushion. It’s guaranteed to blow your friends away. It’s an absolute gas! Victory will be  in the air! . . . You know . . . The smell of success . . .

LEO

It’s never enough for you to do a prank. You always have to go about starting a prank war with the most random people and it’s honestly exhausting . . . Take the day off this April Fool’s.

VIRGO 

Instead of doing the pranks, you’re the target. But don’t worry, it’s not too late to turn the tables. Next time you discover that your sugar is salt, bake the most elaborate and least suspect revenge cake your friends have ever tasted. Start working on your victory dance kid, this is going to be an absolute winner. 

LIBRA

You’re going to sleep through April Fool’s this year after pulling a hectic all-nighter. Sucks to suck.

SCORPIO

Scorpio, you’re an absolute expert when it comes to pranks and the stars respect you entirely for it. But as long as we’re being honest, the stars also think that secret prank lair you have is an odd, unnecessary waste of $5,000 dollars.

SAGITTARIUS 

You tend to plan extravagant pranks, but someone always spoils them for you and you can’t figure out who. It’s you, Sagittarius. You and your inability to keep a secret. We get you’re proud and want the credit, but just try playing it cool for like three days this year.

CAPRICORN 

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but, your pranks are pretty predictable. Literally everyone can see those whoopee cushions coming from a mile away . . . Try mixing it up this year! Early bird gets the worm! (And then immediately puts the worm in their roommate’s cereal.) 

AQUARIUS 

Why do your pranks always involve random costumes? And how do you keep losing pieces of your sets? Now you have half of a Buzz Lightyear costume, a unicorn head, and a lot of explaining to do to the person who just opened your secret closet.

PISCES

You got your days mixed up and have all your elaborate jokes prepared for April 2 instead. It looks like poor Pisces is April’s fool this year.