Written by Devana Petrovic, Staff Writer

Two Beedie students have recently filed for a “group project divorce” after an assignment conflict erupted on their shared Google Doc. Amy Peti, the second year divorcee, spoke with The Peak about the events leading up to the split.

“I just knew it from the very beginning, when my now ex-partner said he didn’t have LinkedIn,” said Peti. I was the only one who was going to take this seriously. I was obviously right.” 

Peti started her own individual document upon the assignment guidelines getting released on Canvas. When finally Peti’s partner, Will Skrüyaova, sent Peti an email two nights before the due date, asking “if [they] should like…start or something,” she decided it was now an appropriate time to include her partner in the assignment.

“So evil, man,” said Skrüyaova, “She added me to a Google Doc, but she didn’t give me editing privileges. I didn’t have to ask — I knew it was because she hated me.”

Peti confirmed Skrüyaova’s statement, swearing that she had “loved him, even though [she’d] never met him” but “just did not want to give someone so ugly and incompetent a chance to ruin things.” 

Their main form of communication quickly collapsed to passive-aggressive suggestions on the document, says Peti. Skrüyaova complained about Peti’s demands for citations, highlights of his grammar mistakes, and criticism of his work having nothing to do with their actual assignment guidelines, amongst other things.  

“It just seemed like we weren’t meant for each other I guess.” 

As tensions started to increase, communication shifted to deleting each other’s text in the midst of typing, leading to a slew of insults. Both parties allege that things came to a head when Peti deleted Skrüyaova’s plant facts and called him a whore. 

Since then, Peti and Skrüyaova have decided to divorce. Now it is unknown whether they are communicating through another Google Doc, Parseltongue, or even at all, nor is it clear whether their split will be recognized in either a court of law or their TA’s grading rubric. Skrüyaova “will not be getting a [grade per]cent of my assets,” Peti promises. 

Their assignment child is currently in the custody of an anonymous student, who had also, coincidentally, just gotten their hands on some extra cash.