To reignite that old passionate spark in your relationship, research suggests that, rather than chocolates and long walks along the beach, the answer lies is engaging in activities that kick in your fight or flight response.
Sex therapist and relationship counselor Desiree Spierings specified that the solution is not as simple as engaging in something scary or dangerous with your significant other. “It is about doing something new, novel and exciting [together] that is what really does the trick and keeps things interesting and alive,” she said.
Spierings explained that these ideas were first tested in 1974 in a Canadian study called the Capilano Bridge Study, conducted by psychologists Arthur Aron and Donald Dutton. This study examined two groups of men, one having just walked over the swaying Capilano Bridge, and another having walked over a steady bridge.
After crossing the bridges, each man was approached by a young female psychology student and asked to participate in a survey. She then provided her number and said that he could call that evening for the results. The study found that men who walked over the swaying bridge were more likely to call later, and even ask her on a date.
Spierings explained that, “lingering excitement from one situation — say walking across a shaky bridge versus a stable one — can intensify a subsequent emotional state.” This phenomenon has been called misattribution of fear, as well as the excitation transfer theory.
Diana Bedoya, a lecturer in the BPK faculty at SFU, explained the basis of these labels as relating to the biological connection between the fear and arousal systems; the body’s initial responses to fear and arousal are actually the same mechanism. Bedoya told The Peak, “a lot of the physiological responses are the same, but how we interpret them are different.”
When our bodies trigger a stress response, the result is a surge of the hormone epinephrine. This hormone triggers changes in multiple organs, including, but not limited to, the heart, pupils, digestive system, and liver. These changes occur so that the body can prioritize energy usage.
That moment you make eye contact with your crush from across the room and, suddenly, they are all you can focus on, is actually very similar to the physiological response that you would have if you were face to face with an angry grizzly bear.
The body interprets that romantic moment with a stress response and spends its energy focusing on the overall task at hand, not the details of the situation.
Bedoya said that this is why our bodies could send us messages that conflict with our thoughts and reason: “It feels really good. It may be bad for you, it might not be right, but it feels exciting.”
