Okay, then, moving on, who can tell me the significance of the Canadian Radio League in establishing the CBC? Anyone? No? Did anyone do the readings last night? Look, I know it’s getting close to midterms, but you guys can’t fall behind on the readings.
Who brought their textbook? Okay, good, looks like most of you. Kyle, do you not have yours? Or are you trying to find it still? What’s taking so long? Can you not get it out of your bag?
Wait a minute; is your hand even in your bag? What are playing with under the . . . is that your . . . Jesus! Put that thing away!
Okay, everyone listen up! This stops right now! I am sick and tired of my students playing with themselves when I’m trying to teach. I know you must all find it difficult trying to focus on learning when you’re being taught by me, the hottest teaching assistant in the entire communications faculty, but this ends here.
I don’t want to see anyone beating off again this semester. This tutorial only runs for an hour. Can’t you at least wait until you’re at home to jack off? Or at least excuse yourself to go to the washroom? This is disgusting! Just imagine what the custodian goes through when he’s cleaning the floors! This is a classroom, not a fucking porno theatre!
Sorry about the language, but I’m at the end of my rope here, guys. How am I supposed to teach you about critical perspectives and political economy, when you can barely hear me over the slapping noises coming from under the table.
Alright, quick question: who is choking the chicken right now? Raise your hand. Your unoccupied hand. Tyler? No surprise there. Alex? I thought you were better than that. Jessica?! You too?! Look, I’m not trying to be oppressive or narrow-minded, but you need to explore your sexuality outside of class.
Okay, guys, listen up; I know it can be hard to focus when you are so physically attracted to someone. I can understand we all have needs and that my incredibly hot body is a distraction. I have a perfect figure, face of an angel, my skin is perfectly sun-kissed, soft and luscious… Now cut that out!
Alright, this is getting ridiculous. We are halfway through the semester, and we haven’t even gotten to the Frankfurt School of though yet. I don’t want have to be talking over a chorus of moans and wet squelching noises when I’m trying to cover Habermas and his theories about mass-produced entertainment. It’s obscene! What? Yes, Alex, this will be reflected in your participation mark. No, not in a good way!
So I hope I’ve made myself clear. The next person caught pounding their pud will be severely reprimanded. I’m talking some serious punishment. Yeah, you’ve been a bad, bad boy and you need to be disciplined — okay, sorry, that one was my fault.
