By: Maya Barillas Mohan, Staff Writer Hey, kitten. Maybe too soon for pet names, especially because I don’t know if a second date is on the cards after the way our first one went. I’m sorry I picked a board game café under the ruse it would be romantic. I forgot that Monopoly is a game that takes 15 hours to play and I kept going bankrupt. I promise I’m not actually broke in real life, too . . . but I see how my card declining when I tried to renew the parking space suggests that. It’s because the…
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By: Michelle Young, Co-Editor-in-Chief I will not say chai tea, I will not say chai tea, I will not say chai tea. I chant in my head as I approach the barista. If I say “chai tea,” she will frown…
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By: Sarah Venkatesh, SFU Student I had finished my dinner when my father brought home a dessert I had never tried before. It looked like caramel bars and tasted like fudge. I asked my father what was placed before me,…
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By: Heidi Kwok, Staff Writer A 92-year-old grandmother was swept off her feet earlier this morning by what bystanders initially identified as a rogue reindeer the size of a school bus skidding down Hastings Street. The oversized reindeer was first…
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By: Ashi, Multiverse 538.10.1.4’s top-grossing divinator How long will this government survive? Read on to find out! Remember to follow my TikTok for exclusive digital palm reading. Hiiii, lovelies! Welcome back to my Federal Future Forecast Series, where I ask…
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By: Sasha Rubick, SFU Student It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday, cloudy, and campus is deserted. The commuter students fled home yesterday, and the Burnaby campus residents are hunkered down in their concrete boxes. I’m headed home to my dorm,…
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By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Writer On October 22, the Vancouver Writers Fest hosted a talk with David A. Robertson, member of the Norway House Cree Nation and author of 52 Ways to Reconcile, and Bruce McIvor, member of the Manitoba…
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By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Coroner The following is a transcription of a voice recording from a mortician’s autopsy. Testing, testing. OK, time is 8:14 a.m. on Saturday, October 14, 2017. Name of deceased: Doug Graves. Location of death — uhh…
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By: Heidi Kwok, Humour Expert Did you know that The Peak wasn’t always funny? Gasp, you say. Oh, but it’s true. It wasn’t until the first humour section, “Nifty Pages,” graced us with its presence on January 12, 1998, that…
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By: Noeka Nimmervoll, Staff Writer Are you a perfectionist? Start with this short checklist: Do you set big goals for yourself, yet feel no sense of accomplishment if you reach them? Are you highly critical of yourself and/or others? Do…
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