SFUnexplained
SFUnexplained: The hair-raising truth about SFU’s construction
May 31, 2021By: Clarence Ndabahwerize, SFU Student Listen up, sheeple! SFU builds stuff for themselves, not for our wellbeing or our general interest. A lot of you may say you aren’t surprised, but what comes next will blow your minds! Recently uncovered documents mysteriously emailed to The Peak have revealed that SFU administrators were, at the time of the university’s founding, made aware of a hidden stash of exquisite furs buried by Simon Fraser himself somewhere on Burnaby Mountain. Apparently, the university just so happened to be built on top of this stash and was aptly named after the man who buried the…
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SFUnexplained: Images Theatre is definitely haunted
May 16, 2021By: Carter Hemion, Staff Writer Have you ever wondered why time passes differently in Images Theatre? Have you felt a strange breeze when all the doors were closed, maybe with an unusual smell? (And no, the smell from your classmate’s…
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SFUnexplained: SFU started the pandemic to finish construction (and to make President Andrew Petter feel better)
March 20, 2021By: Dev Petrovic, Staff Writer Don’t you think it’s a little strange that “construction” and “pandemic” have the same amount of syllables? Coincidence? I think not. Clearly, SFU started a global pandemic just to finish the endless drilling and pounding…
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SFUnexplained: All of these email redirections condition us for long degrees
March 7, 2021By: Emma Jean, Staff Writer Doesn’t it seem fishy that it takes three-login attempts to see your SFU mail? Unless you’re a tinfoil beret-wearing big brain like me, any normie that uses a cookie-collecting browser tends to spend five minutes…
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SFUnexplained: Vampire hunters unfairly overtook the observatory
November 16, 2020By: Carter Hemion, Peak Associate We already know there are vampire hunters among us — some of whom are our own classmates (looking at you, guy in my English class who only turns on his mic to argue against whether…
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Where is the fourth floor of the AQ?
October 5, 2020By: Molly Lorette, Peak Associate Have you ever stepped into the elevator on your way to a tutorial on the fifth floor of the AQ and noticed that the buttons conveniently jump from three to five? Have you noticed that…
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SFUnexplained: SFU works with other institutions to keep its student body here — and not in the ways you may think
September 26, 2020By: Serena Bains, Staff Writer Have you ever thought about why those at the top of SFU make hundreds of thousands of dollars to ignore students? People have to wake up and realize that these top-dog figures could never be…
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SFUnexplained: Former SFU president Andrew Petter replaced by suspicious look-alike during final term
September 20, 2020By: Carter Hemion, Peak Associate Wake up, sheeple! Our beloved previous university president, Andrew Petter, has been replaced by a doppelgänger. For starters, Petter has not been seen in person for months. After a decade of hard work spent keeping…
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