By: Molly Lorette, Peak Associate
Have you ever stepped into the elevator on your way to a tutorial on the fifth floor of the AQ and noticed that the buttons conveniently jump from three to five? Have you noticed that the few elevators that do go to the fourth floor of this building only ever spit you out outside? Have you ever stopped to wonder why that is?
Think about it! AQ? Academic Quadrangle? Does anyone actually know what the heck a Quadrangle actually is? AQ. A Q. Abolish Quickly. Abolish what, you ask? Here at The Peak, we are trying to uncover the exact same thing.
The total number of floors in the AQ is six. What happens if you take that number and multiply it by 111 (1:11, the same number I always see when I check the microwave clock to cook my soup for lunch?) 666! A quick search on the ever dependable Wikipedia will tell you that the number 666 is the number of the Antichrist. Clearly, Simon Fraser is hiding something nefarious! Clearly, those who pull the strings behind the scenes are attempting to raise the Antichrist!
The gardens in the AQ are very conveniently placed, serving as the so-called “fourth floor.” Ever notice how strange the art pieces are? Think about those hedges and how they all surround a pyramid. Think about the hill, shaped like what? A triangle! A triangle has three sides, and how many digits are there in the number 666?
WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!
To me, it’s totally clear what’s going on with this secret fourth floor. They want to hide it from us for a reason. Clearly, our tuition money has been going on to build a cleverly hidden lair for the academic cult to meet and hold their satanic rituals in order to raise up the Antichrist once and for all — right under our noses, as well!
Still don’t believe me? Look no further than the most famous art piece in the AQ gardens: The Avocado. What does The Avocado mean in the big picture? Haven’t they always said that avocados are the cause of all millennials going into debt with their precious avocado toast? Add the allure of a late-night rendezvous at this infamous location and the eventual overtaking of veganism avocados threaten us with, and it turns out we are too late to stop this cult. The Cult of the Avocado has already begun to take over the world as we know it, dear SFU scholars. It may be too late.